...|wysiwyg| - whizzie wig...

And we turn 2!

2011-07-24T23:47:00.004+08:00

2 years ago...24/7/2009 I became a wife.

Inshaallah together hingga ke syurga..ameen.

2 years ago..I started sharing my world and my life with my husband. It took some time for me to adjust and to adapt living and letting someone into my life. It has been quite a journey. Full of ups and downs. I just can't believe its been 2 years already. It seemed longer than that. I learned quite a lot along the way..on slowly knowing about my husband's habits, his little quirks, his strengths, his vices, his preferences, his knowledge, his thoughts on life. Its an ongoing process and I'm still learning~ I've also learned a thing or two about myself too and get an opinion from his point of view and how he (or everyone else) sees something which I sometimes am too emotionally caught up in something to see .

Of course we have had our disagreements and some of them were a bit nasty. I'm not proud of how I handled things. I can be quite hard headed and overly emotional (girls..pfftt~) sometimes while he can be ever so cool. It irks me sometimes to see him ever so calm when I am fuming inside. Haiih. I used to be the calm and collected one, but since I met him, I guess things have turned their way around :p

All in all..Alhamdulillah I have my husband beside me, who gets me (well most of the time anyway :p), who's made me laugh, made me cry, wiped my tears, hugged me tight, saying everything's going to be alright, watched me succeed, seen me fail, cheered me on, kept me going strong, put up with all my mood swings, keeps me sane, keeps me grounded and overall makes me become a much better person throughout. What more could a girl as for in a husband right? :) I am blessed Alhamdulillah~

I'm thankful to be celebrating my anniversary with the guy who still makes me feel giddy :p

Happy 2nd Anniversary Ahmad Zulhilmi Assanah~ :)

Love you~ ♥

Take 5

2011-06-24T15:32:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling a bit down. Have been studying hard but it seems like there's no progress. So much to do. Aaahh~ Stressed~ It reminds me of the good old studying days. I miss those days. Studying keeps your mind alert, fresh and sharp. I think my mind is getting a wee bit rusty. Is it because of the age factor? Am I showing signs that I'm going old? Eeeekk~

Must not give up. Must keep on going Una~ Haiihh. It's tiring when I get my brains going in high gear. It's just not as before la. I just need to take a break from it all and vent out here a bit :p

It's not like I haven't done anything to stimulate my brains all these while. I guess by playing too much Scrabble and Bookworm doesn't help as much as I would have hoped...hehe :p

My all time favourite~

I've also read somewhere that breastfeeding also plays a part in mom's not being as 'sharp' as before. I read that by breastfeeding, the baby takes most of the nutrients from their mothers. The baby also takes this element (I forgot what it is) that is needed to form and build the synapses in the baby's brain which is rapidly developing and growing in the first few months. That's why some breastfeeding mom's, they tend to feel forgetful and sometimes even encounter those bimbo-ish moments. I guess that and also the fact of trying to cope with the craziness of having a baby around. Huhu. But anything for the baby kan? I guess every mom wants the best for their babies. So to top it off, it's good to have that daily dose of fish oil which is filled with omega and good for brain development. I've been taking Blackmore's Omega Memo from when I started out breastfeeding. It has higher DHA compared to EPA. DHA is good for the brains whiles EPA is good for the heart (and all this while i thought it was more or less the same :p).

Besides from the Omega Memo, I've also been taking calcium supplement (because I'm lactose intolerant) and Vitamin C to make my milk more nutritious for Aqil. I'm picky when it comes to food (NOT a good trait) and need to take supplements to top up where I lack. Huhu.

I've also been trying to get Aqil to drink Scott's Emulsion to boost up his immune system but it seems that he's not too keen on taking it :( I bought the Orange Flavoured one and not the Original one pon die tak nak jugak. Aqil memang tak suke makan ubat. Everytime nak bagi Aqil his meds, nanti die muntahkan balek. There's only like 10% chance that when bagi ubat, he'll keep it down without a fuss. Macam mana eh nak bagi budak makan ubat? Huhu. I haven't tried fish oil yang liquid selalu makan yang capsules je and was quite surprised to find it delicious. Hoho. No wonder Hilmi has offered to finish up the bottle since Aqil won't take it. Sedap rupenye :p

On another note, since I have been taking Fenugreek for about a week now, Alhamdulillah my milk supply has gradually increased. Now I can pump enough milk for Aqil's nursery and even some left for the next day. I know it's not like back then when I had a freezer full of milk supply but I take what I can. Now kejap je my boobs dah full. Baru je pump a few hours back and now have to pump lagi. I can't be picky. Beggars can't be choosers~

Breastpump Review

2011-06-11T10:03:00.007+08:00

I've been using Medela Swing for the past year now. And so far it hasn't disappointed me one bit. So here's a little review on the breastpump's that I've used and the one that's on my wishlist in the future. Hehe :p

Medela Mini-E

This pump is okay for an electronic pump. The downside, like I've said before is the noise. It makes a terribly noisy sound..like a lawn mower. The suction is okay, the Swing's suction is better. The breastshield is quite hard..plastic. Have to provide 4 AA batteries if you're using it on the go (I usually use it in the car).

Medela Mini-E. Bought at Mom's Care, Ampang Point for RM469.

Medela Swing

Better than the Mini-E. Suction is better. Has two suction modes, stimulation phase to stimulate let-down reflex and then the expression phase where the pump moves to slower speed as the milk begin to flow. Much much quieter than the Mini-E. Has SoftFit breastshields (I swear by this...not too hard on the breasts) for massaging comfort. Uses 4 AA batteries for on the go.

Medela Swing. Bought at First Few Years, The Curve for RM669.

Pureen Manual Breastpump

I bought this because I left my pumping bag at home when I balek kampung for Hari Raya last year. Huhu. Eventhough I had Aqil with me, I still had bengkak susu because Aqil didn't drink much. Had to buy a pump jugak..didn't succeed much with expressing it by hand.

Pureen Manual Breastpump. Bought at JJ Bandaran Melaka for about RM50.

My first time using a manual pump. I had trouble with it. Tangan jadi lenguh. Just used it twice kot. It took like 30mins to get about 3-4oz. Whereas if I use the Swing, I can get 15oz. The breastshield is plastic, keras. I thought that it would be silent, but it still makes a squishy noise when I pump. But I guess this pump will help tone your arms kot, die punye concept same macam hand exersice thingamajig macam kat bawah ni :p

Medela Freestyle

This one here is on my wishlist bile ada rezeki for adik Aqil nanti.

Medela Freestyle. Costs from around RM1500. There are good deals if you buy online..have to survey. In stores, the cheapest I've come across is at First Few Years, The Curve for RM1699.

It's wonderful features include:

Daily use · double pump · electric (double pump so it will cut in half your pumping time)
True pumping mobility with hands-free option. (I think this is one of the most convenient features in a pump..imagine, you can do a whole lot because its hands-free)
Rechargeable battery and ultra-lightweight motor. Optional 12V vehicle lighter adapter available. (No need for AA batteries anymore, die ade rechargeable batteries mcm camera punye tu)
Easy interaction with digital display, memory, timer and backlight.
More milk in less time with 2-Phase Expression® technology when pumping at Maximum Comfort Vacuum™.
Everything mom needs in a convenient bag - perfect for active moms.
Use hands-free with most top-flap nursing bras including Medela nursing bras and camisoles.
Double pumping kit features SoftFit™ breastshields for massaging comfort.

**drools**

Ahh..someday Inshaallah~ Hehe.

There are also many other models of breastpumps in the market, Avent, Spectra and whatnot. I haven't tried Avent's breastpump so I'm a bit biased with Medela and from what I read I think Medela is the best :p Prior to buying a breastpump I guess you should need to do some research first and see which one will suits you the most. Here are some tips on buying a breastpump:

Choose a breastpump that best suit your needs. If you're a stay at home mom, chances are you don't need a high-end electric pump because your baby will be with you most of the time. Instead you may want to opt for a manual pump which is cheaper in price.
Read up reviews and do your research on the internet on the breastpumps that are in the market and that you intend to buy. Ask around friends that has been using that particular pump that you are eying on.
Ask many questions about the breastpump before purchase. Get the sales assistant to show you how to operate the pump (hear for any noises..whether its loud or not :p). Ask whether the pump has a warranty or not. Sometimes, the motor can have some problems after a while and its good to know that there is a warranty handy.
And lastly, buy within your means and don't splurge.

Happy pumping ladies~

Pumping Working Mom

2011-06-11T07:56:00.001+08:00

Breastfeeding for a working mom could be a bit distracting and time consuming. For me, I had to pump 3 times a day. Had to wake up extra early to pump once before going to work. Then once again at work and then another one before going in for bed. It takes about 30-45mins for a pumping session. At work, I usually pump after lunch, around 2.30pm and then solat. I would be like MIA for about an hour or so. Huhu. Around 3.30pm I pon muncul balek kat office. Buat-buat keje sket and then opppss..dah nak kene balek dah. That was my routine until Aqil was about 10months. Now I only pump like once (rarely twice) a day and the pumping sessions are like short..only 15mins or so.

Back then, I can get like 12oz of milk per pumping session, 3 times a day. That means around 36oz of milk per day. Aqil only needed 10-12oz of milk for nursery. You can imagine la I had excess. My freezer was full..all the storage bottles were used up. I had plenty of milk. But now, I really have to struggle to even get 10oz per day. And now since Aqil's a bit bigger he needs about 14oz at nursery. Haiihhh.

Since I sit at a cubicle and not have my own room, I had to go pump at a small room inside the kilang's clinic. It's a small room, meant for nursing mothers. Has a chair, power supply and a mini fridge to keep BM. Good thing its a mother-friendly-workplace. Usually I do a bit of reading while pumping...one time, I even had a gossip session with Nad in here while I pump. Hehe.

Fridge yang buruk tetapi banyak berjase :p

I mentioned in my previous post that I had the Medela Mini-E. For me it was an okay pump la except for the sound. It sounded like a motorboat or even a lawn mower. Man..that pump was noisy and I mean very very noisy. Before going back to work from my maternity leave, I decided to buy another pump. After a few surveys, I bought the Medela Swing. Wanted the Medela Freestyle but it costs far too much (RM1600+) for a breastpump. T_T Let's see la..if ada rezeki beli for the next round plak..hehe.

My Medela Swing yang banyak berjasa~

So before going to work, I have to pack:

pump
extra bottles (around 4 or 5 4oz bottles)
marker and masking tape (to label the bottles)
power cord
chargeable batteries (just in case need to use it somewhere without power supply)
cooler bag

I put them all in my 'Pump Bag'. So I bawak my laptop bag and my Pump Bag. Dah tak bawak my handbag dah since I selalu kena tegur dengan pakcik-pakcik tanya why I bawak banyak sangat bag, nak balek kampung ke..lalala. Biar jela kan nak bawak berapa banyak bag pon. Diorang guys tak payah bawak bag pon if tak bawak laptop home. Senang je. Huhu.

I had all kinds of challenges while breastfeeding. But I keep on at it for the sake of the baby. Only NOW i know why syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu. Its not like kita tak tahu how much our mothers have done for us..how much they sacrificed to take care of us..but you really wont know unless you have the first hand experience. Trust me. Thank you Mama for all that you've done~

The Breastfeeding Challenge

2011-06-11T02:52:00.005+08:00

I came across a few hurdles and challenges along the way while breastfeeding. The first day I had Aqil, I tried my first attempt to BF. Being a first time mom and all, unfortunately it wasn't a success. I didn't get Aqil to latch on properly. The nurses had to teach and guide me a few times. I read brochures and stuff on breastfeeding but theory and practical is way way different. Aqil only got a little bit of milk for like maybe a few seconds and then dah tak dapat dah. And then had to call the nurse to show how to BF properly, once die tunjuk and Aqil dpt minum she left and then when I moved sikit ke terlari alignment sket...susah nk masuk balek and continue. Haiihhh. Those first few days were challenging and I was a bit depressed since tak pandai nak BF. The nurses told me to hand express or pump milk and then give it to the baby in a tiny cup (to avoid nipple confusion).

I took about nearly 2 weeks to get the hang of breastfeeding. I was so grateful when I finally got the hang of it. Two weeks to get the hang of it but about 2 months to really master all the tricks and techniques. To master all the positions, it took about 6 months kot. Huhu. But Alhamdulillah, I managed to overcome that hurdle. I thought Aqil didn't know how to suck or latch on properly padahal it was me who got the angles all wrong. Haiihh. This obstacle passed, hopefully I won't have any problems with anak-anak yang seterusnya.

Back then, I also didn't know that your breasts could get engorged. And when it does...MY GOD it hurts!! To think back, I was so naive. I didn't know that if you don't empty your milk about the same rate as when you produce, the milk ducts can get clogged and the breasts will get engorged. I thought die macam paip...when baby minum, die turn on, when baby tak minum die turn off la. I didn't know that you cant control the kepala paip tu. Huhu. And I was one of the fortunate mothers who had plenty of milk supply. I just couldn't get it out as fast as I had it in because of my BF techniques and latching problem above. Imagine my surprise, when the first night tu I saket because of bengkak susu. I asked my mom in despair, why didn't she ever mention about this. before...about that it could get engorged and stuff, she looked at me with muke yang kesiankan anak die and thought that I already knew about this beforehand. I didn't know how I could miss this part out and not forsee it coming. I never came across it in books I was reading or even websites (maybe I was scimping through?) Bad days I tell you. I would never want to wish it upon anyone else. Sakettt~

Had to go to the hospital's nursery and had a nurse show me how to hand express milk. Lega la sikit. I'm glad that the hospital was breastfeeding friendly. Gained lots of advice from the nurses. Told my mom that I needed a breastpump. I thought I could put off buying it and only need it when I go back to work. But as circumstances shows, I needed it pronto~

Medela Mini Electric Breast Pump

My mom bought me a Medela Mini-E pump that night jugak. Thank you mama. That was my first pump and it helped me a LOT. It was so easy to pump milk and not let it get engorged. The first few days were spent with pumping. Aqil was fed on and off. Had to keep on trying and trying many many many times to breastfeed him for a session. Sangat penat. Aqil dapat minum sekejap..terlepas..and then kene keep on trying and trying lagi sampai dapat balek. Haiihh. If tak dapat jugak just bagi Aqil minum through the cup. Kesian je tengok die tak dapat nak breastfeed fully. Huhu.

I felt like a terrible mom. Breastfeeding should come naturally to all moms kan patutnye? Kata dah jadi emak...patut pandaila. Haihh. What more stress from people who kept giving this advice la and that advice and then looking on while I tried to breastfeed. Stress okay~ Maybe because of the added stress, lagila tak boley-boley nak menyusu. Ideally, you should BF in a peaceful state of mind...preferably somewhere quiet without any distractions. Breastfeeding should be a zen-like experience where the mom gets to bond with the baby.

I was wayyy off course with breastfeeding. I thought it would be easy breezy. Everyone made it look like it was sooo easy. People say it comes naturally. Thats why I didn't put much thought on this and assumed that I too would find it a piece of cake. Boy was i W.R.O.N.G. Big time!! I never knew breastfeeding would be THIS challenging. And this is only the tip of the iceberg, there were a few bumps and glitches along the way too but that's for another time..I'll write about it later :p

Got MILK?

2011-06-10T23:45:00.005+08:00

Aqil is now 1 year and 1 month old. Alhamdulillah, I got to breastfeed him fully..until recently that is. Unfortunately, my silk supply has been lower than usual. Don't know if whether its because I haven't been pumping constantly or whether its because Aqil memang dah besar and my body knows that its time for Aqil to not depend on my milk. Sedeylaa. I couldn't produce enough milk for my baby dah. Huhu. Now I have a tin of soymilk ready at nursery whenever my BM is not enough.

I thought Aqil would be picky since he has been on BM all this while, but kakak nursery tu kata Aqil okay je minum the soymilk. I was quite anxious jugakla nak bagi die susu apa. I read yang baby ni sometimes memilih susu, some susu kene, some tak kena dengan baby..so have to pilih betul-betul. I don't want to give him cow's milk so decided on soymilk since dulu my mom pon gave Adah that mase kecik. Bought Isomil yang for 1 year and above. I haven't tried giving him the soymilk myself though :p Let's just keep the soymilk for nursery jela ye Aqil? When with mama you can have mama's milk.

Before being pregnant lagi, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my baby exclusively because I know that mother's milk is the best milk ever. Cewwah. Back then I knew that it can boost the baby's immune system and breastmilk die ikut demand and supply and die punye nutrition tu adapts to your baby's needs as they grow. Basically what I knew macam tu jela :p Since my mom also used to BF all her kids, no wonder that I wanted to do the same kan?

Now, because my milk supply is low..it's like kais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan petang. Sometimes tu I even needed to squeeze in a pumping session before sending Aqil to nursery just to get enough milk for nursery that day. Because of this, my boobs are also returning back to normal...and I'm glad. It's not as big and as full as after delivery. I feel like my boobs are mines now and no longer a vending machine. Sometimes I feel like I'm a bit selfish in this way. Huhu. But although I feel that tiny inkling of a feeling like maybe its time to let Aqil go, I can't go down without a fight kan? I need to do something to increase my milk supply. People say drinking a lot of water helps increase your milk supply as you need lots of liquid to produce more liquid (milk). I thought of buying Fenugreek herb supplement also la. It can also help milk supply. Will pop into GNC to cari. Tried finding it at Guardian and Watsons but takde. Hope this will help Inshaallah~

I tried going to forums to cari 'when is it time to stop pumping milk to your baby?' but macam takde topic on that. I mean if you still have milk supply, takkan still nak kene pump until your baby is 2 years old eh? Is there a certain age or you just know depending on your milk supply tu when to stop? Hurmm~

My Hubby My BFF

2011-06-05T23:27:00.021+08:00

Marriage life sure is tricky. Of course nothing is ever easy peasy lemon squeezy right?.

I've known my husband for almost 3 years now. We've been married for nearly 2. Throughout our marriage he has been my BFF. We've shared soo much together.

I'm thankful I have him as my husband. Of course there are times when his ways or opinion would drive me crazy...don't get me wrong, he has his quirks and I am not fully 'at peace' with all of them...yet :p But at the end of the day he still is my husband, my BFF and I can't imagine life without him. He calms me when I am mad, he put sense in me when I follow my emotions blindly, he guides me when i feel lost, he lends an ear when I have a bad day, he offers a hug when I need it the most. I guess everyone feels like that about their husbands kan? Heeeee :)

Sometimes I know I can be 'difficult'. Intentionally or unintentionally. I am known to be a bit stubborn sometimes...I like to have my own way. Sometime tu saja mengade-ngade nak perhatian suami. Haha. I'm grateful for having a husband who is patient with all my antics, cares about me, bears with all my silliness and gedikness, pujuks me when I have an 'episode'. I guess nobody really knows how I really am except those closest to me. It's a miracle when life, jodoh and Allah puts 2 people together, crossed their paths and now sharing a life together. Alhamdulillah for the blessings~

I guess other people will never know how deep the intimacy between husbands and wives are. Only the people in the marriage itself yang tahu. I thought that people close to me would know. I guess one of the downsides of marriage is that you are no longer 2 individuals...you tend to become a unit (of course its not like you are joined at the hip or something). This also doesn't apply to evertyhing..as both are still 2 different person altogether. But for instance, lets say someone buat A, B will also terase and somewhat be affected. You can't expect A to just bear it alone and B not feel a thing (but most of the time only B je will terase, whereas A takde apa-apa pon. Hurmm.). I guess a blow to A feels like blow also to B. I thought people closest would know. But its disappointing and upsetting when they don't understand :(

In marriage, there are the ups and of course there are the downs. Sangat rollercoaster ride. I guess to really survive this is by being grounded and have a strong foundation. For us Muslims, being close to Allah plays a big part in adapting and surviving. Not only just for marriage but it can also be applied in life in general. I am still struggling to adapt..to survive...to live..and to juggle all those in betweens. I try to remember not to get too caught up with the world and its distractions. I try to remind myself that there is something bigger that awaits...something much much more than all of this. Of course, I guess like most people, I tend to remember Allah the most when I'm at my lowest, when I am sad, when I need something, when I need help, when I don't know what to do, when I need refuge. I try to remind myself not to think of Him only when in despair but to try and remember Him everyday everywhere. I hope He remembers me too.

Aqil Rafiq - Post Birth

2011-05-28T23:06:00.007+08:00

I didn't get to see my baby in the OT. I only heard him cry. Hilmi said while he was away, he azankan the baby and watched the pediatrician clean the baby and did the Apgar test. By this time I was wheeled back to my room. Hilmi soon came after.I still didn't believe that the surgery happened soo fast. All it took was like 15mins kot. Because I had local anaesthetic, I couldn't move much and was needed to lie down je. Felt a bit groggy too..don't know whether from the anaesthesia or from the morphin which I keep on pressing whenever I feel sakit. Tak larat nak buat apa-apa, so Hilmi made the calls and told our families and friends that mom and baby is safe and sound. Alhamdulillah the hardest part is over. Thank you for everyone's doa and well wishes :)

The morphine-drip-machine thingy.

My parents and Didi came during lunch to check on me and the baby. They are now proud Atuk and Nenek and a MakDee. Around 1pm only did I get to see my baby.

Hello world~ Welcome to the world Aqil Rafiq Ahmad Zulhilmi :)

You are so peaceful in your sleep.

Awake and ready for the camera :)

Only now do I get to hold you :)


First time granparents...first time mom~

Even when I'm away on maternity leave, I get this view from my window (after zooming in of course) :p

Love you Aqil~ May you grow up to be a good Muslim, a soleh boy with a kind heart, helpful and compassionate to others, wise and intelligent to brave the world as a good khalifah of Allah..inshaAllah~

Aqil Rafiq - Birth Story

2011-05-22T21:11:00.007+08:00

I've been posting a lot of posts on Aqil lately. I haven't had the chance to blog since Aqil came along. I just hope that I remembered each moment correctly. Pregnancy, giving birth and motherhood is one of the biggest life-changing experience that one can endure. Once you turn MAK, you'll never turn back..hehe.

Okay..so where did I left off. Hurm..okay. I was scheduled to be induced on Friday morning 14th May 2010 because my baby at that time was not moving as frequently as the doctor would have liked. Throughout the 9months, I was having some sort of trouble determining if my baby just kicked or moved ke apa. I never could do the self-check thingy in the pregnancy record book where you jot down how many times the baby moved in 1 day. Either I memang oblivious and tak perasaan if the baby moves or either my perut tebal sangat (aka I have lemak perut soo thick yang sampai tak rase baby gerak-gerak) or the amniotic fluid in my tummy ni macam banyak sangat. I don't know la why but because of that I rarely feel my baby moving. Of coursela sometimes I would feel him kicking or moving, usually at night when I'm in bed getting ready to sleep but during the day..amatla jarang. I think Aqil was a night owl, only awake and active at night..nocturnal habis la :p Voiced my concerns to the doctor but alhamdulillah after doing the ultrasound and checking and stuff the baby looks healthy.

So anyway, I think nearing 9 months, the baby should have been more active kot..but to avoid any complications, Dr Ariza decided to have me induced 2 weeks early.

So we told the family that I will be warded early Friday morning. Did last minute preparing stuff, repacked the hospital bag, last minute reading and birth exercises, last minute eating and such before kena berpantang. Hohoh. So at around 3 am Friday morning tu, with Hilmi in tow, I checked in to Ampang Puteri. Checked in ke? Admitted myself? Anyway..I registered at the Emergency Unit with the doctor's letter for admission yang die dah bagi since week 36 if not mistaken in case things happened sooner than expected.

Was put in an 8 person room because the single rooms were fully occupied. I thought since I was scheduled to be warded that morning, I expected that they had a room ready or the single rooms would be available since I stated that I wanted a single room earlier that Monday. I don't know la..maybe I should have confirmed before coming ke apa or memang the room arrangements macam tu based on a first come first serve basis..I didn't know. It was my first time being admitted into hospital. After deliver baru dapat yang single room punye. I wasn't happy because yang for the 8-bed room ni, you can't have your husband to teman you. I mean can you imagine? Sorang-sorang not knowing what to expect. Huhuuu T_T

Anyway, after I was shown to my room (Hilmi was still with me, but couldn't stay for long), the nurses did they thing..check up and stuff and induced me. The inducing part was not pretty. I assumed they would give me a shot or I would have to have to telan a pill or something but boy was I wrong. So after I was induced, the contractions started. And my-oh-my was I in for a treat!! Between a c-section and a contraction, contractions are the most painful. T_T

How to describe the feeling of a contraction eh? Hurmm. The feeling..it was intense, painful. It feels like your insides are trying to scrunch up into this teeny weeny ball. Its like your perut tu..dalam dia is like a sponge and someone is squeezing with all their might with their fist, letting it go, then squeezing again. At the same time, your insides macam mencucuk-cucuk. It was sakit..I guess macam menstrual cramps but times that by a thousand gazillion kot. All I wanted to do was bring up my knees and baring in a curl up position.

Because all this time I was connected to a CTG machine to check the baby's heartbeat, I moved and wriggled quite a lot in bed to tahan the sakit (at this time I was alone, Hilmi went back home to rest and after Subuh he'll come back). And because of that, i think the CTG readings wasn't as 'pretty' as the nurses would liked it to be. I think me wriggling and struggling in bed made the readings lari-lari because the thingy connected to the CTG pon kinda lari-lari from my tummy. Had to redo taking the baby's readings a few times la jugak. My bad I wriggled and moved so much. Huhu.

In the morning, around 9am macam tu, Dr Ariza came and did her rounds. I was only about 2-3cm's dilated. She said the baby's heartbeat was staggered and not so strong so she suggested to do an emergency c-sect in fear of the baby's safety. Dalam hati, I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to deliver normally. I was also disappointed at myself for moving and wriggling so much during the CTG. If only I hadn't move as much maybe the readings would be better and I wouldn't have to go for a c-sect. But at the same time, the doctor had a point. I guess she knows waaaayyy better than I do and I wouldn't want anything bad happen to my baby. So c-sect it is~

A while later around 9.45am macam tu, the nurses came and to take me to the OT. I was asked to lie down on the bed while they wheeled me. Eeeekkk..takuuutt~ At this time I started to recite doa's and anything to keep my jitters down. Hilmi also get to tag along to the OT and watch and take pictures. (Hilmi isn't the snapping-pictures kinda guy so I didn't get any pictures pon in the OT. Huhu. Next time, I should just ask him to take a video of the whole process instead. I wanted to watch and see how it goes.)

So when we reached the OT, Hilmi was off somewhere getting scrubbed in. The OT was brightly lit and all I can remember was WOW putihnya~ If you watch Greys Anatomy kan the OT macam gelap and dark and they have like a spotlight on the patient. But here, the room was brightly lit and had 'Hellllooooo Good Morning~' chirpy kinda feel to it. Maybe because they had the radio on to what station entah..hot.fm kot..I wasn't paying that much attention.

After a while, I was aksed to sit up on the operating table and then the anaesthetist came and cucuk my tulang belakang. I had spinal anaesthetic. After that I lied down, and then the nurses kot strapped down both my hands. Dr Ariza and Hilmi then came in. It all happened so quickly. I didn't feel a thing pon. With a Bismillah, Dr Ariza did an incision (I of course didn't feel a thing...I wouldn't have known that she already started if not for the Bismillah :p). Seconds after that, another person came and tekan-tekan my perut to get the baby out (yang ni orang ni buat macam ganas sikit..rase macam tumbuk perut je...that one I feel) and seconds later..I heard the baby crying. Alhamdulillah. Dr Ariza said Assalamualaikum to the baby and welcomed him into the world.. No words could describe how I felt at that time laying there motionless. Hilmi said he had to go somewhere with the baby. I heard the baby being taken away and crying in the distance. Dr Ariza said that she wanted to sew the cut. While she did her stuff, I lay there, still not believing everything in spite what happened. Everything happened sooo fast. This was all surreal. Alhamdulillah, on that day, Friday the 14th, May 2010 at exactly 10.13am, my baby was born and I've finally became a mom :)

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part II

2011-05-20T14:41:00.008+08:00

Continued from last post...

2-3 months

I was feeling quite normal. Have to eat at the right time and not skip meals. I was eating in between meals quite a lot too. My appetite was back to normal or maybe slightly higher. I would go down to the cafe for tea and buy kuihs or/and ice cream or/and fruits. Heheh. Nasib baik cafe kat bawah and kerja kilang so ade banyak shift breaks..I think I turun for all shift breaks kot :p Didn't really spread the news except to close friends and family. I was still in the early stages of pregnancy and didn't want to jinx it.

Morning sickness started to kick in. But for me it wasn't in the mornings. It was in the evenings after I came back from work. Tak sempat nak sampai rumah from work, I was a regular visitor of JJ AU2's toilet since that was the only clean and respectable toilet that I would allow myself to throw up in. Since dulu I have this 'perut masuk angin' complications. Sometimes I didn't know I threw up because of perut masuk angin or because of my pregnancy.

4 months

Went for my first Ante-natal Checkup. Surveyed a few hospitals for my delivery nanti. Considered An-Nur or Az-Zahrah Bangi because I like the Islamic environment...they pasang zikir or bacaan al-Quran while at the labour room. Last time I checked, it costs around RM2200 - 2400. But since I live in Wangsa Maju and work in Ulu Kelang, I decided to go for hospitals nearby takut apa-apa. Looked up Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital and their delivery packages aren't bad la..around RM2700 for normal delivery. Masa ni we just harap-harap tak kene c-sect, tak tau berape..lari budget nanti :p Supposedly every pregnant mothers need to register their pregnancy at Klinik Kesihatan kerajaan and do at least 1 checkup there but I didn't and did the first ante natal with Dr Ariza of Ampang Puteri. She reminded me of my mom, was quite comfortable with her being my O&G doctor. Was given iron, folic acid and calcium supplements for the mom and baby.

5 months

Got to know the baby's gender after doing the ultra sound. Alhamdulillah it's a BOY~ I've always wanted my first born to be a boy..yeayyy :)

Picture of his legs and in-betweens..from angle bawah.

His head sama besar with his body :p

Cravings: Laksa kedah. The best would be Laksa Kedah at Sekyen 4 Tambahan Bangi. Sanggup tu pegi cari. Yums~ Weird craving lain takde..thank God :p Walking long distances..even to the carpark from my office was becoming a hassle and very tiring..but was needed as a daily form of exercise.

My feet started swelling and bloating due to water retention. I was getting restless at night as finding the right position to sleep was a hassle. Sakit belakang also started to kick in. Weight wise, masa ni dah start to be directly proportional to the months. Haiih. Masa first 2 months tu je kot macam ada turun sikit because tak lalu sangat nak makan.

6 months

This is where the 'fun' starts. Heheh. Because I was carrying a boy, and because it was my first pregnancy, the male fetal DNA could act as a skin irritant to the mom. Kiranya DNA baby boy is somewhat incompatible with DNA perempuan mak die. This usually affects the mom if its a first pregnancy and the baby is a boy. I guess I'm the lucky 1% yang gets affected with this. Huhu. So what I got was skin irritations..and rashes...plus the weather was really hot at that time. Had to pasang air-cond kat rumah just because of that. Some say it was 'pembawaan budak'. Anyway..because of that I asked the doctor if I could work from home as going out and getting ready for work was becoming quite uncomfortable for me. Duduk rumah senang..I can wear the most comfiest PJ's and tshirt. Fortunately, my bosses were very understanding and allowed me to work from home till I deliver. Luckily, doing programming doesn't need you to come to the office to get the work done :p

Did a 3D scan around this time.

The pictures were a bit 'alien-ish'. Tapi Subhanallah..even dalam perut, kita dah boleh tengok baby..how he looks like. Can't wait to see the baby.

7 months

My 'evening sickness' gradually stopped. I would only throw up if I didn't watch what I was eating and biar my perut masuk angin.

Started buying and getting things ready for the baby. Shopping for baby stuff was what I like most :) Re-read the baby books to make sure that I will be well prepared. Agak takutla to go into labour. Huhu.

8 months

Counting the days bila la nak keluar baby ni. Tak sabar rasenye. Tak sabar to see my little bundle of joy. Tak sabar nak keluarkan baby yg besar and berat ini from my tummy. My perut started to keras and expand rase macam boleh meletup anytime. Started to feel the braxton hicks contraction at about this time.

Went out for the last time for Mother's Day dinner on 9th May 2010. Had dinner at Sg. Buloh with Hilmi's family and then later to Tarbush with mine's. It was a busy weekend. That Monday, had ante-natal checkup ..doctor did a CTG to check the baby's heartbeat. It was normal but when the doctor asked if the baby moved a lot..i said no. From what I noticed, my baby kurang sikit gerak-gerak dalam perut. People say die banyak tido je like mom die. But the doctor didn't want to take any chances, so she decided to have me induced that Friday and go into labour to avoid any complications. I will be in my 38 weeks..time to get that baby out~ Eeeek~

I will continue on the next post for the birth story...sekian :p

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part I

2011-05-18T13:40:00.010+08:00

It's been about approximately 1 year and 2 weeks since I became a mom. It has been an overwhelming experience..full of ups and downs. Thankfully I have my hubby, family and friends by my side each step of the way. Thank u all~ I couldn't have done it without everyone:) After about 1 year baru I can breath sikit and seem to get hold of things...or so I thought la :p

Since I have been 'preoccupied' before this, I haven't shared the birth story of Aqil Rafiq yet. Maybe I need to write some intro on my pregnancy first before going into the birth story. I might as well jot it down here for future references..for myself or for anyone of you readers who are reading :p Plus..people have been asking the million dollar question.."Bile Aqil nak dapat adik?"

So here goes..right from the start...(its going to be a long one..layankan aje my mood nak tulis ok :p)..

I had a fairly ok..somewhat regular pregnancy experience...Alhamdulillah. Mom and baby was healthy and I was just counting down the months till my expected due date (EDD) 28th of May 2010.

1st month

I expected something was up as I was easily tired. I get back from work..did Maghrib prayer and while waiting for dinner I was already fast asleep. My work schedule remained the same and yet I was too tired to even have dinner and would be sound asleep by 7.30pm. I thought I was not feeling well and would just bertahan for a while. This happened for about a week. The idea that I might be pregnant did came popping up in my head. Uh-oh. We talked about this a few times but there was never a conclusion about how we would take things. Questions would always be left hanging as we thought we would still have time to think this through.Well..I guess not. Anyway..I decided to buy a self pregnancy test while we were at Midvalley waiting to watch a movie. Bought it at Guardian and I felt all grown up while browsing through the pregnancy kits to find out which one is the most reliable while reading the instruction on the back of the box on how to use etc. First time experience katakan. Haha.

I chose this one...the Dip 'N' Tell Midstream Pregnancy Test. Didn't know that pregnancy tests ada banyak jenis and cost this much...ingatkan murah je :p Chose the not-so-cheap and not-so-expensive one costs around RM20 kot..ada yang lagi mahal..even yang digital pon ada. But I will just pee on it anyway..buat apa mahal-mahal..if it turns out negative lagi la membazir.

All throughout the movie tu I coudn't wait to get home and do the test. Unfortunately, we got home late at night and only the next morning before work was I able to do the test...aaaaannndddd...it turns out.....

Double line....all at once a mixed of feelings came rushing in...unprepared...scared...excited...happy...tak percaye..but all in all...Alhamdulillah~ I'm going to be a mom..yeayyy~ :)

Went to the clinic later to confirm it and I was about 3-4 weeks pregnant. Still early. From what I remembered during the 1st month tu..my appetite was low (tak penah-penahnyee :p).

I guess I'll continue later. I have up to 9 months to keep on rambling about :p

Aqil Rafiq turns 1 :)

2011-05-14T00:38:00.003+08:00

A year ago...Aqil Rafiq Ahmad Zulhilmi was born. Happy Birthday Aqil~ :)

Time flies ever sooo fast. I rarely have the time to blog but for this special occasion, this entry is for you Aqil~

Mama loves you~
x0x0

Guess who's back?

2010-04-03T16:20:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since my last post. December 2008. Hohoh. Eclipse will even be coming out soon this summer.

I'm having a lazy Saturday afternoon (which I'm lovin' it by the way) so I thought of updating this blog. I've made some changes to the layouts. I love playing with layouts and interfaces...any job opportunities out there anywhere? Heheh :p

Well...since its been so0o0o lo0o0oonggg...soooo0o0 much have happened. So here's a recap:

First thing's first...I'm no longer a misses...I'm a MRS now. Been married for 8 months 1 week 3 days according to this anniversary ticker down here :)

Married life so far has been great. Of course there are the ups and downs...we still argue sometimes and then there's the occasional merajuking here and there..life is not always peachy..but at the end of the day..I'm grateful that I've found my other half.

It wasn't planned and we didn't know each other for that long but by a year of getting to know each other we got married. Many people often ask how we met and all since me having met someone came out of the blue. What more deciding to get married and all :p Well, to those who didn't know. I met Hilmi for the very first time on August 31st, 2008. I was driving my sister to her friend's house for a kenduri. It turned out that my sister's friend had a brother and that brother was Hilmi. We got to know each other there and things just started to fall into place. We had some sort of chemistry going on and I was very comfortable around him. One thing led to another and on July 24th, 2009 we got married. Alhamdulillah for all the blessings~ I'd better stop before I get too mushy. Hilmi's not here and I miss him :p

Anyway, soon after came graduation. After 4 long years of studying, I graduated. Alhamdulillah. Oh how I miss the good old studying days. Now I know that it is so0o0o true when people say that student life is the best phase of your life. Nothing to worry about but just studying. But I guess all of us have to grow up. We can't be stuck in that phase forever right?

I'm also currently working now. Last month was my 1 year anniversary with from the company. 1 year has been ever so short come to think of it. I currently live nearby my office. It's only a 5-10 minutes drive which I love compared to the 1 jammed-packed-hour going through MRR2 from Bangi :p Having our own place is also an experience and I love playing house :)

Oh..and last but not least..I'm currently pregnant. About 7 months. 2 more months to go InshaAllah. The Doc says its a boy :) Hopefully things will go well for the pregnancy and birth. Ameen~

Here's my baby bump. Doesn't quite look like a baby bump does it? Looks like I had too much to eat more like it :p Will try to get better pictures next time.

Well, thats that. Looks like I rambled quite a lot here. Hurm. I'm going through soo0o much with the pregnancy and all. It is indeed a life experience. I feel like I need to record things down. Heheh. Hopefully, I'll write more in my next entry. Looks like my blog will turn into a mommy baby blog. I'm growing up~ Aaaaaaaaahhh~ Yikes~ Heheh :p

"to be happy means learning to let go of expectations from yourself or from other people"

t.w.i.l.i.g.h.t

2008-12-11T12:12:00.004+08:00

twilight.
i know im late blogging about it.
saw the movie a couple of weeks back.
and only recently now..am i absorbed back into the twilight mania. haiisyh.
i want all 4 books~ huhu.

its just another chic lit. yep2.. i know. i thought ive grown out of the chic lit era..of sophie kinsella's and cecilia ahern's and little black books. i tried running away from all that and tried reading more 'intense' stuff. intense la sgt kn. hehe.

ive been 'playing the field'..trying this and that..trying out new genre's and stuff. i always liked classics but somehow...my most recent classical books are love stories. sometimes i get the feeling that its just another chic lit with a little bit of flair, more elegance and with grammar yg berbelit-belit. haha.

ive been rambling a lot which leads me to the whole point of this entry...which is to say and admit (reluctantly :p) that im one of the twilight fans out there. haiisyh. gedik saje. i saw the movie a few weeks past and it was an ok movie..i expected it to be more but it was just another a chick flick..to me la. i thought there was more to it..more action and less talk. haha. :p overall..it was a sweet love story. greattt to watch with the girls and go gaga over how sweet edward is :p edward looks a bit like chuck bass in gossip girl kan..a bit metro :p but despite his looks..i guess all the hype there is to edward is how he acts and treats bella. sweet je. i guess most girls wants an edward in their life right? hehe.

after finally letting in to the twilght mania..i had a sudden urge to buy the book yesterday to get ready for the kuantan trip. i went to mph alamanda but alas...the books were out of stock. ceh. so i guess i'll be book hunting then for the next couple of days. its been ages since i had a mission and agenda like this. last time was queing up at 'twilight' to buy harry potter's deadly hallows. haha. (lame joke i know :p *sambil r0lls eyes at self*)

which reminds me...hid..where art thou? want to join me in my conquest or have u already have ur hands on the twilight series? :p

w.a.n.te.d!

not much has been up since the hols. im waiting for the new year to start keje and learn the hard way to earn a living. huhu. like it or not..im growing up eventhough deep down i still feel mude belia remaja. haiisyh. neways..ape cerite everyone? menyepi saje. huhu.

to my frens yg nk kawen this weekend...to kak reen, fatimah misran and to salwa&acap...selamat pengantin baru~ :)

im off to masak nasi goreng. need to work on my cooking skills cuti2 ni just to get myself prepared. prepared for wat? jengjengjeng~ hohoho.

"bird in hand is worth two in the bush"

beginning of an end

2008-11-18T05:57:00.003+08:00

fyp is over!! yeayyy~ yeayyy~ yipeee yipeee yeayyy~ well actually not fully over..only about 80% over. only the poster exhibition stuff left to be done. uhuh.

presentation was done yesterday. alhamdulillah~ a huge burden has been relieved.

omg!~~

final year project was such time consuming and tiring. it wears your brain out. eventhough if you x buat ape2...your brain is still working full gear thinking about the project..thinking about what has been done..whats next to be done..what needs to be altered and such. pnat otak. lagi pnat drp nk stdy utk exam. better buat exam drp fyp. huhu. haiih. im just glad its done. everyone has been suffering from fyp. we all got a taste of it...barula rase asam garam blaja kn. hehe.

its nearing the end of another chapter. another one will begin. its quite sad really. we've been through together since matric. lame dh..around 5 years dh. we pusing2 pn tgk org yg same je...classmates same. thats one of the perks of having a small number in our batch. after this we all will go our own separate ways. if we get a chance to meet up pn nnt sume org dh with their own lives. nk jumpe pn susah..evreyone busy with workla..with this and that..yg nk kawen..yg sudah pn kawen. hehe. lepas tu anak pulak. i gues thats the main cycle la kn. we grow up. we grow apart. for some..by growing up..we grow closer :p anyway..i hope that it wont change much n we'll still keep in touch and have regular meet ups whenever possible. huhu.

things are falling into place. what was once bleary became focused and terang. some things u didnt see before...u see now. of course there are still some things that u cant see now..u will hopefully see in the future. what lies ahead..unknown. but for now...its starting to make sense and all we can do is try to pave our way through it all. i am blessed for the past series of events that have happened during the last few months. on life..on relationships..on work..on challenges..on changes. some expected..mostly unexpected. some disappointing..some not. sometimes..u get the good in with the bad.

there are times..u dont expect or imagine that you can be at a place where you are right now. sometimes its too surreal that you're afraid to be too happy that it will then all go away. but i guess life is like that. your lucky streak will run out eventually and you just need to sink it in, absorb it all and try again for that lucky streak to come back. luck never just comes, right? you have to work for it to earn it. some call it rezeki..but for me..in order for rezeki to come..u still haf to work for it. working it can mean different things to different people...some work hard..literally like sweating it out..some work it by using their brains rather than brawns..some work it spiritually by staying close to their religion..some work it by doing good deeds with the hope that good deeds will come back on to them. no matter how hard we work it..we just need to remember to balance it all out equally. having access of anything is never good rite...moderate is the key, no? :p

alhamdullilah~ i am grateful for what has happened..and i will pray for what will become..

happy end of sem people~~!! :)

"sometimes..strength grows from weaknesses"

taking the good in with the bad

2008-11-13T20:16:00.002+08:00

~~exams are over.~~
~~studies over.~~
yeayyyy~!! wh00t wh00t~ :)

fyp bits and pieces left..and then free as a bird~ :D

the bestfriend is coming back for the h0ls. yeayy~ lets cutiii same2~

met kawan-yg-dirindui in the pagi...greaattt news around n00n..happy times during and after lunch..but then..it all came pouring down~ adoyaiii~ :(

"over the moon then down in the dumps"

of conv0s

2008-09-01T01:34:00.001+08:00

this might be a tad bit late but this entry is specially dedicated to nadira jamil...congratulations dear~ :)

wishing u all the best in the things to come!!~

u are deeply missed~ huhu.

nadira jamil..
sahabat terchenta..
peneman setia..
semoga u berjaya mengejar cita-cita~~~
(had to make it cheesy in order for it to rhyme :p)

and heres a cheesy picture to go with it..hehe ;p

"u buat ape tu nad?" :p

sorry for the lack of updates. this blog here has been abandoned for ages. huhu. been writing elsewhere and sometimes the anonymity is comforting :p

fyp is indeed a pain in the buns. stress, mood swings and disturbing sleeping habits. all after effects of spending 5 hours a day working on the system, no? :p ke'nerd'an terserlah~~ all these urgency to make my supervisor proud. lol ;p it only needs a little bit of patience~

its the first day of ramadhan. entering this month...opportunities to upgrade ourselves sprout out everywhere. the chance lies on us...whether to grab it or just let it slip by. it is the perfect time for reflection and reminding ourselves with all that we are blessed and to those less fortunate. patience...peace..serenity...goes a long way and does wonders to the heart and soul. heres wishing a great ramadhan to all!!~ ramadhan mubarak~

"happy 51st birthday to Malaysia!!~ older n wiser? ;p selamat merdeka!"

the end

2008-06-30T20:24:00.003+08:00

eit has just finished today~
it has been memorable.
the ending was a sweet one...
really unexpected...
i guess it goes to show..save the best for last :)
really really last..nearly nak balek baru ckp :p
still dunno what i will do...but alhamdulillah~

"life is like a box of chocolates..you never know what you're gonna get"

oopsie daisie~

2008-06-11T21:48:00.003+08:00

omg~

r.e.s.t.r.i.c.t.e.d !

i should know better.

huhu.

"terlajak perahu boleh diundur...terlajak tulis...boleh didelete"

ok go~ :p

2008-06-04T21:29:00.004+08:00

i seem to have a lot of time to blog lately. haisyh.

its nearing the end of training.
my work is all done..except for the developing the application and reports.
everyone's busy with the moving and stuff.
most of the things are packed and ready to go.

was installing applications for the web os.
came across the 'prince of persia' game.
i used to call it prince back then.

game zaman dahulu kala. haha.
installed it and gave it a go.
haiy0~ karat sudah my skills.
got hooked on it for a while before resuming back to work :p

those were the days. i was hooked to these games back then...

during the DOS era (5-6 yrs old) digger was a favourite. the only game i knew back then come to think of it. haha.

windows 3.1 era - prince. this screenshot however was took while i was testing it out at work :p

windows 95 - lemmings

haha. can make a time line already. these games were very nostalgic. it became a very big part of my growing up years :D

and then came the nintendo era. nintendo nes and super nintendo. little goomba and koopa troopa. haha. priceless~ it brings back the fondest of memories. only the NES is still standing strong in didi's room. everything is still working except for the sounds. y0sh~

that was back then..but now...things have changed - drastically~ of course the consoles back then cant be compared to consoles nowadays. its like 'langit and bumi'. hehe. but that was the real mcCoy. old skool~ big and bulky yet sangat berjasa~

on a more serious note...

the oil price has hiked up drastically!! aiyayaya~ from rm1.92 to rm2.70. nearly a 50% increase. a nearly full tank of kelisa from rm50 something today would be around rm70 or 80 tomorrow. and thats only a teeny weeny kelisa. haiih.

everyone is running to fill up their tanks tonight. angah, back from KL observed all the gas stations from there to bangi. for those living in the bangi area...people queing for petronas sect 15 have reached until petronas 3 tambahan (roundabout and all :p) my my~ so long the queue~ no wonder traffic today was a bit haywire. it still is...

back then it was the beras issue. from the usual rm30 to rm40 for a bag. now its the petrol issue. and i hear that electricity is also going up. haiih. if its like this now...i wonder how it'll be like when i start to work or when i have kids later. haiihhhhh~~~

"in the end, we will conserve only what we love, we will love only what we understand, we will understand only what we have been taught"

of a long weekend :D

2008-06-01T23:26:00.011+08:00

had a long weekend~ :)

got absorbed with b&w mode.
got some injury while bersukan...excited terlebey. haha.
tomorrow already monday. huhu.

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy...

the waiting room 'drama' ~

usratee...
and then there were two :(

adah's sunflower...

"dont count your chickens before they are hatched"

m.l.s

2008-05-28T16:47:00.003+08:00

we're moving.
huhu.

tmrnd that is.

cyberjaya here we come.
i get to see nad now. hihi. i will pindah first. huhu.

no more leaving the house late.
from 15mins drive to 30. plus rush hour sumore. bobobo~

my supervisor is out.
im bored.
im tired of reading this manual.
in short..m.a.l.a.s.
feels like reading for class.
class with abur@s. hehe.

tips@unaberry.net: put characters/symbols instead of normal letters to avoid being googled at :p the same goes for passwords. harder for people to decrypt.

btw..i think writing manuals are quite fun la. maybe i should give it a go later. hehe :p x0x0~

"dreams that do come true can be as unsettling as those that dont"

of OS'es~ o.O

2008-05-27T04:27:00.008+08:00

time goes by so0o0o0 fast~

ive read through like around a gazillion pages and its already 4.
time is relative.
it is getting harder and harder to predict time as days go by. its nearing the end of days..akhir zaman.

as much as i like reading..my eyes feel like popping out~ o.O
it is also turning green.
not green with envy but green...derived from the direct translation of 'mata menghijau' haha.

i need a break. i once read the best way possible to that is by doing the exact opposite.
the acronym of reading = writing.
blogging will have to make do.

ive been reading and searching since morning, but it feels like the more i read..the less i know so i dig deeper which leads me to read more and more...
sometimes when you do research on the net you tend to deviate from your core objectives..if you have time on your hands that is (like me now :p)
because of this deviation it will take longer to get to the bottom of things.

from reading about OS'es i can click and click and click and then i'll find myself in someone's blog reading about comparing religions and stuff. haiiisyh.
my browsers are full of tabs.
my bookmarks back home are full of links and folders waiting to be read in my spare time.
its hard not to get side tracked sometimes.
it happens when you have so much time to spare :p

iqra'~
read!
thats the first word of the quran.
not just reading blindly...but also to understand.
i came across a blog...your average ordinary malay girl..my age...an apostate..murtad from islam...without her parents knowing.
astaghfirullah~
the things you read...its just b0b0b0..ta'aban2~
wanted to share the link here but the browser got hanged and all was lost. cant seem to retrace back my steps. i dont know how i could go from reading about OS to there :p

i just came across blake ross's blog here: www.blakeross.com
its fascinating to see whats behind the mind of the person who co-created firefox during his teens. he's only 23 btw :p

blake ross

he also developed a web OS called 'parakey' which was recently bought by facebook. facebook as a new web OS? hurm. its interesting really to read about the development and stuff since all these while ive been an end user of facebook without giving a h00t out of how things actually work.

ok..enough rantings..
back to reading...
OS vs web OS
its been an interesting topic so i dont mind..not like in OS class dulu. huhu.
i thought i was done with OS'es, kernels, paging, segments, virtual memory and stuff.
one of my least fave subjects..haiisyh~
some more background reading and then i can start building the widgets.
dr abur@s must be proud..haha :D

"reading is to mind as what exercise is to body"

happy anniversary~

2008-05-12T23:44:00.006+08:00

happy anniversary to mama & abah~

24 years of happiness together and lots more to come..insyaallah :)

newly weds...
once upon a time...24 years ago..12th may 1984..

a year after that...approximately 364 days..
uwaaa uwaaa~ ...i came..i saw..and i cried...haha :p

for back then...

for now...
thank u ~
love u mama <3
happy mothers day~

"the family is a haven in a heartless world"

mothers day

2008-05-11T23:47:00.007+08:00

second sunday of may...its...

mothers day

happy mothers day to the mothers of the w0rld...

tomorrow is monday. monday blues. huhu.

great minds think alike...
coincidently...great minds wear the same colour :p

j0m nad..training..hikhik :p
nxt week? i'll countdown..hihi..
wani & cik nadiah..get ready :p

all the best for tomorow nad. good luck :)

to my dearest..thank you~ :)
and to all..thanx~ :)

"a mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces that she never did care for pie"

tgif~

2008-05-09T08:21:00.000+08:00

tgif~
thank god its friday~

if u malayarize it..it'll become..

ahij~
alhamdulillah hari ini jumaat~

hehe.

got lunch date with naD.

wani & cik nadiah..bile kite nk lawan bowling tm vs rtm niii..
nad dh smangat nk training... :D

"jumaat penghulu segala hari"

adah's birthday

2008-04-23T22:03:00.002+08:00

today is adah's 7th birthdaayyy~

she grew up soo fast..in a blink of an eye. it seemed just like yesterday she was soo little. she just takes in everything u say. now shes in school dah. can be quite a handful sometimes and not as sweet as she once used to be. haha. too bad everyone couldnt be with her today :(

she sometimes act not according to her age. can be quite a makcik also sometime. i guess its from the influence of adults surrounding her. sometimes whenever i go out with friends she wants to tag along. macam anak sudah. haiisyh. die tu perasaan besar je. sometimes it ok for me to bring her..she loves it..but at times its not that appropriate la kan. once she even asked.."Along..when u nak hang out with ur friends lagi? i nk ikut laa." haha. x padan kicik itu punye budak.

we haf a song. just us. me and adah. made by yours truly. i forgot since when we had the song. usually when she was little...while i was putting her to sleep or the other way round..or even when talking over the phone..we would sing this. my other sisters were jealous because they didnt have a song. so to adah...

title: saye sayang awak

saye sayang awak ~
awak sayang saye ~
kita sayang sama-samaaaa ~

hahahaha. thats it. our song~ hihi. the sama-samaaa at the end we'll sing our hearts out loud~ faiz have heard it when adah calls me in uni :p its like our bye-bye at the end. hehe. theres an english version also. but thats a duet. i need her to sing with :p so to adah...happy 7th birthday~ :)

"age is an issue of mind over matter. if you dont mind..it doesnt matter." -mark twain

work

2008-04-16T22:01:00.003+08:00

EIT just started for most. engineering industrial training. i hope we get all the training necessary. haha.

its the 3rd day and im slowly getting momentum. my sleeping habits are slowly adapting. no more staying up late at nites playing games or watching stories..kan faiz? huhu. those 'used to be' daily routines will be saved up for the weekends after i qada' on sleep. hehe. it sounds like i work hard labor je..in construction sites. haha. no no..my work requires me sitting down in an air conditioned room..facing 2 pc's..staring at the screen for 8 hours. hoho.

what i need right now is a penguin..a cup of coffee and some pretty hefty pampering(php). hoho. lame joke~

happy working people~ :)

"never work just for money or for power..they wont save your soul or help u sleep at night"

updates

2008-04-09T02:27:00.003+08:00

need to present on thursday but i feel like im already on holiday. huhu. spent time catching up on sleep at home..spending time with frens. had a blast bbq at faiz's. at last we successfully had one :) n then today..went to frim with the girls. the CIE classmates. progress on project? still zilch. haiisyh.

pictures of bbq will be put up later..

pictures of FRIM...
more to come..

later then~ need to work on my slide presentation. haiiiisyh~

"no day is so bad that it cant be fixed up with a nap"

check..check..and check

2008-04-06T01:35:00.002+08:00

~~performance~~
OS
~~CCN~~
~~VLSI~~
DB
project1

exams are over..yeayyyy~~
only the project presentation left to go..

did this during the exams while looking for an excuse not to study
this ones for you red~

"the best gift you can give someone..is your attention"

sleep.sleep.sleep.

2008-04-01T05:52:00.002+08:00

its nearly 6 and i still havent slept yet. haiisyh. terwoke up accidentally at 2 and now i cant go back to sleep. i want to stdy but got no mood. huhu. my sleeping rituals have gone crazy la becos of the exams. i study best at nite when no one's up. burn the midnite oil...or in this case burn the pendaflour lights . haha. must get the mood to stdy ni. haiisyh. where are you mood?? moooooooodddd~ mad eye moody :p ooohh..its 1st april already...april fools~

"giving never happens by accident. its always intentional"

2008-03-29T22:50:00.004+08:00

2 more papers to go and I'm having a breakdown now. haiiisyh. the emotions just flow. overwhelmed and u can't hold back..that's just when u let go.

Life sure put many obstacles ahead. Roadblocks. Tests. I guess that's what makes us real. How we overcome the challenges. how we face it all. The trials and tribulations.

I thought I was quite independent bt when it comes down to it..I find myself depending on my parents a lot. I'm just grateful that they're there for me in times like these. thank you for understanding. talking to family just makes things seem better. Especially to a sister who gets what I'm going through. we have the same experiences. I guess its in the genes. hehe. Thanx Dids~ this sounds like a thank-you speech that people give out at award shows but just a reminder to self: when ure feeling down..ppl are there for you. Its just a matter of reaching out or not. I'm blessed..alhamdulillah~

While I'm in the thanking mode..heaps of thanx to kma for welcoming me in the wee hours of the morning. I knew ur sleeping habits were as weird as mines ;p u provided electricity when it was scarce and for that I thank u~ :) we also came to share the same fondness over gong yoo eh kma. Hehe. May he be in the best of health at khidmat negara ;p

I must get back to studying...haiisyh.

Q: what do you do when exams is only just a few hours away??
A: u blog email~

Must stdy2..yosh~

**pic specially dedicated to nad *winkwink*

exam mode...quang..quang..quang~

2008-03-21T02:49:00.001+08:00

classes have finished.
asses have been sent.
reports have been written.
presentations have been presented.
exams...yet to be taken..
subjects..not yet revised..
will start during the weekends insyaallah..huhu..

exams in just a few flicks away. eeeek~

all the best people~

"The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will."
-Vince Lambardi

updated

2008-03-09T01:49:00.007+08:00

prologue:
fingers moving rapidly..with every milisecond..the sound of a keystroke clicks on the keyboard.tup tap tup tap.the sound simultaneously matching the pounding sound coming from the nearby clock. the minute hand making a full round followed by the hour.the clocks' hands circling and repeating lap by lap. faint sounds of the early birds chirping in the distant..stirring..waking up. the air is cool and balmy. the wind ruffling up the leaves on the trees as the early morning slowly makes it appearance.

epilogue:
ruffled hairs..a strained neck..tired eyes..aching wrists..and a well written report. NOT!~

what could and should have been..haiisyh.

instead..the real results:
a blank screen...a blank mind..and a still yet-to-be-finished report to write. AND yet..here i am spending time playing games. thankfully..DOTA not yet in the list. haha. games can be sooo addictive...hehs~

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. its been awhile.
havent wrote since xmas. that long eh. haiih. things have been piling one by one. engitex..flash..midterms..asses..quizzes and now since the sem is wrapping up..reports and project presentations are nearing the due date. huhu. so much to do but cant seem to have that kickstart. haiisyh.sometimes its a relief to not do work depending on your creativity..take writing for instance. or in this case..report writing. coming up with words is not as easy as it sounds. putting words to paper..or nowadays..putting words to pc requires you to work with a sense of inspiration. that piece of inspiration will be the motivating factor in giving your work the boost that it needs. to be creative..you need to be inspired. inspiration is a hard thing to find. thats why writers get writers block i guess. huhu. rite now..i cant seem to get back to writing my project report. haiisyh. ive been putting it off ever since n the deadline is days away. y0sh~

2. election.
today is the general election day. "marilah marii..pergi mengundi..tunaikan kewajipan diri.." bt alas..i cant vote. registered alredy bt my record was not found in the electoral roll. too bad i cant be a part of this years election. huhu. a few of my friends have the same problems. hafta wait till the nxt election i guess..which by then i'll be old alredy..married maybe..with a kid or two..makcik sudah. haha.

weird.
the ones who did register cannot vote while the ones who did NOT register have their names in the electoral roll listings. some even went to vote but could not vote since they were said to have voted alredy. weird things happen during these times and i guess we couldnt be surprised rite. for more info check out zats blog since he has the inside scoop.

anyways..rite now..abahs been hogging the tv watching the results and all. the results this time around is quite surprising. unexpected. hehe. congrats to both zats dad and 'mak cet' didi's frens mom who won state seats :)

its kinda fun seeing everyone so hyped up like this. smangaattsss~~

3. the beginning of an end.
its nearing the end of sem and everything is beginning to look cloudy. huhu. as they say..the calm before the storm. im quite calm rite now since i seem to not be able to do anything bt seconds from the deadline..my storm will be brewing at fullspeed. haiisyh. procrastination is sooo not the way. classes will end on the 19th then its exam time. haiisss~ and then after that...its the h0ls~ w00t w00t~ :D will be sooo looking forward to it..

4. networking ur system.
networking lab has finished. i thot i wasnt 'that' into networking bt i guess i was wrong. its quite fun. sumtimes i regret not choosing a networking title for my final year project. huhu. i'll be missing that lab. ive learnt quite a lot from it although i sumtimes feel hard to follow when most of the guys know what the lab instructor's been talking abt when i know zilch. nada. bt where else would i get that kind of knowledge rite :p

5. hayden christensen = wwm??
watched jumper the other day. at some angles..hayden looks a bit like abg penjare. especially the last bit where he wears his snowcap. dun u think? basyiii..wat say u? :p jumper was a sweet movie i guess. there was sumthing wrong with the storyline though. mcm ade yg off sket bt i dunno wat. could do better i guess. mayb it lacked depth a little. the concept of jumping around was fresh though. the casts was also likeable. gugugaga~ :p overall it was feel good movie la. a teen flick. next on the to-watch-list is vantage point. haiisyh.

6. leaving the nest.
am putting together a new site which haf yet to be finished. still under construction. wats taking sooo long. beats me. time constraint i guess. dunno wen it'll be up n running. i guess thats y the lack of writing ppl..plus the fact that things are busier now..not the same as it once was. im old.huhu :(

ive been ranting quite long for this post. ok x fad? long one this one :p should be enough for now. i should get a move on the piled up work. my 'to do list' is longer than ever n nothing's been crossed out yet. yikes~ someone should really kick me in the butt. haiy0 haiy0~ anne..u kick ass rite? haha :p

p/s: hiD!! haf fun 'tanning' urself over there :p am missing u~

"we cannot live only for ourselves. a thousand fibers connect us with one another and along those fibers, our actions run as causes and they come back to us as effects."

under the weather

2007-12-25T04:12:00.000+08:00

im feeling a little bit off lately. dunno why. im having these headaches also. its been some time since my head's feeling dizzy like this. haiisyhh. and when im dizzy i cant concentrate on the screen. the eyes will feel like their rolling around in my head. and when i cant look at the screen..i cant do my work which will pile up due to procrastination and adds pounds to my stress level. haiih. im describing it terribly and am rambling at the same time. geeez~ ladi-dadi-daa~

ive changed my old skin to this one. the layout of my last one is small and its hard to fit pictures in. this one should be wide enough. haha. i couldnt sleep so ive been messing around playing with the templates. haiih.

my page is ready to post pictures. hurmmm...heres to try test...

i took this pic near my house. cool eh if u can climb up that pylon thingy :p

this one was taken some time ago. played around with it and it turned out like this :p

oooohh and btw...adah's baby..her hamster..ming ming died a few days back. died to unknown reasons. this time we assumed she died of stress because monstah always bullied her. dunno la tapi. neways...rest in peace ming ming. u can teman titi in the life after. hihi :p

this is ming ming~ the belated ming ming..

these are adah's babies. and then there were two...

"an apple a day keeps the doctor away..."

haiiihh...

2007-12-09T03:19:00.000+08:00

sumtimes...

. . . . . .
. . . . . .
. . . . . .

haiiihh~

ive been thinking....

its all in my head
not sure wat it is
not sure wats to be said
i dont know this

unfamiliar territory
i dunno how its done..

dahla una...just stop..
nonsense..

blerghhh~
haiiisyyyh~
eeeeeekkk~

sumtimes...
u dunno how to exactly say it..so u just make funny sounds..haha.
at this point im not sure wats goin on..

gues i'll know...
soon~ :p

y0sh~

2007 is nearly gone. a few weeks left.
its been a fascinating year..
of surprises..
of plans...
of friends...
of experiences...

a good teacher..
a good reminder..
wat lays ahead..
unknown~

ok..theres more to that..
bt im getting sleepy :p
am feeling sappy rite now..
its after all 3 am
haha.
y0sh~

i miss my abg wentworth miller..haha.
basyiii...u stil setia lg x kt die?? :p

"sometimes...wat u are looking for is rite there all along"

friends for monstah

2007-11-24T20:13:00.000+08:00

adah: (knocks on the toilet door..i was brushing my teeth) along!! along!! guess wat i buy??
me: whaaatt?? (hates to be irritated in the toi)
adah: adah dah buy a fren for Monstah.
me: owh?? (perks up) where u buy? jap..nnt i kluar..

haha. we have 2 new family members. Ming Ming and Fluffy. kwn kepada Monstah. Titi died a week after we got her and Monstah. adah cried of course.

"My first pet."
"Why she die??"

*using adah's trademark english

why did she die?? im not quite sure... r.i.p Titi~

their names sume pelik2 and mcm nk tergelak pn ade...adah la kasik :p
and now we got 2 more..hopefully diorg panjang umur murah rezeki :)

btw..ive uploaded some photos..checkout my photoblog here.
some of the picture's a bit squashed up since die dh compress and distort and all.
nak post here bt my layouts so small and x sesuai to post that many pictures plus i like this skin and dont wanna change..yet. hehe :p
got more photos bt pnat nk upload. cudnt get my shoutbox to properly function there. i'll play with it later.

im going out..later~

"the early bird gets the worm"

updates

2007-11-22T20:32:00.000+08:00

its the h0ls~

w00t w00t~

beautiful weather...beautiful skies...
took this awhile ago using my hp..the pics went out quite ok.
cant resist taking pics of the beautiful clouds while driving.

1 more week to go. can you believe it? time flies ever so fast. huhu :(

as to summarize...

im back frm my cuti-cuti.
next day had to help out with mak busu's kenduri.
had a fun day with the girls by the lake. unfortunately nad cudnt make it :(
lame x hang out like that. btw..i forgot 2 bring u guys ur chocs aritu. makciks sudah :p
else..stayed at home...babysitting adah.
doing errands 4 the parents and stuff.

that abt sums out these hols. same ol same ol~

pictures will be uploaded soon~ :)

btw faiz...adah dh buy barbie island princess and i think this one is the bst one so far. u nk pinjam? :p

till later than peeps~

"the best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched...but are felt in the heart"

of encryptions & decryptions~

2007-11-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

last paper to go~
must study...
one of my favourite subjects...
cryptology..intrusion..viruses..firewalls..ip's..security..

should be reading this...

but.....

am not...haiisyh.

eventho theres a week's gap...i will only start studying a couple of days prior. very bad una. i know shud start as early as possible...buttt.......huhu :(

so starting frm tomorow..i ~~shud~~ MUST start ok? (ok ok~) haha...im prep-talking myself. y0sh~

its an interesting subject so i shud be easily engrossed..its just hard to START thats all. cudnt ignite. something wrong with the spark plugs. haha. dhla im taking this class with kakak2 and abang2 seniors...and diorg sume mcm hebat2 belaka...so malu la kn if kite x hebat. i guess..thats one of the advantages masuk class diorg :p plus we'll be treated as adik2 yg sgt adik..best je..hehe.

a few more days till monday and im spending my time watching the latest downloads. haiih. xpe..dh nk habes tgk sume dh so can get a move on and stdy :p

cuti is nearly coming. w00t w00t~

wats the plan wahai rakan2??
cuti2 malaysia ke jb and melaka ye? bbq juge? haiyaa binaa~

the h0lidays sgt sekejap tp..haiih. i'll be going to start my cuti with the langkawi trip. yeayy~

"dont cry over spilt milk"

uuhuhuuuhuhuhuu

2007-11-03T01:56:00.000+08:00

haiisyyyhhh~

i am not studying...
xde m00d..
aaaaaahhhhhh....
t0l0ng....

ta'ban ta'ban~

nad sure dh stdy byk dh kn nad...

huhuhu *b a n g s h e a d*

0wh m00d...pls come pls...

i need to studyyyyyyyyyyyyy......

blergh~
wekwek~

"usaha tangge kejayaan"

tag..you're it..

2007-11-01T06:33:00.000+08:00

Exams just kicked in.

2 down..2 more to go..yeayyyy~
2 more papers with a week's gap each. w00t w00t~

Def. Exams = When ure sleeping pattern goes haywire.

During the past years...i found out that i absorb best when i study at nite.
That is..i hafta sleep well prior la tp :p baru can stay up..if not..byebyebye~
Me..being a nocturnal..it irritates my mom as much.
Yelaa..late to bed..late to rise :p
But the same goes during the h0ls also. haiisyh2.

I slept all day the whole of yesterday. Feels like i was on holiday :p
Woke up a bit...stayed in bed...curled up with a good book.
Then dozed off back again.
Feels good to be doing nothing.
Well..i managed to finish the book though.
Beats me why i cant read my buku-buku pelajaran like that.
Haaaiisyh..kalau x..kn senang.
If theres a will..theres a way rite...y0sh~

Neways...after much much much delay... im finally doing this tagging thingy. Yeayy~
Last time i did this tagging game there were only 6 facts to be done...but now after a couple of months later its gotten to 8. Iterative.

So this entry here is dedicated especially to Khair, Adam, Basy and Aishah who got me tagged... :)

The Rules:
1. Each blogger must post these rules first.
2. Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve tagged, and to read your blog.

1 Uno:
seeing something luas terbentang soothes me..be it the vast blue sky..sawah padi yang menghijau..the sandy white beaches..overflowing green hilltops..or even quilt yg terbentang luas di atas katil :p

2 Dos:
i am the eldest..but at times..i wish i was the youngest..haha.

3 Tres:
i broke my right wrist when i was small..by skipping on the pavement just after it stopped raining and slipped. i was wearing them shiny..heely..kinda makcik-for-an-eight-year-old shoes with licin soles. gedik. i know. i was 8. it still hurt sumtimes though..like now..especially when typing..sesal dahulu pendapatan..sesal kemudian tidak bergune. haiisyh.

4 Cuatro:
referring to the last sentence above, people say that im philosophical in my kate2. haha..so not~ sometimes..certain words or phrases just fascinates me so i use and apply them whenever appropriate.

5 Cinco:
i like eating s0ggy things..especially s0ggy chips, pears, jambus and soggy cereal. i'll leave the cereal for a while to soak in the milk only then i munch away. i dont like it t00 soggy though. it must haf the rite amount of sogginess.

6 Seis:
i will buy the same exact thing if i like it s0o0o much. i dun mind having a few pairs of the exact same thing. i'll haf backup ready whenever it gets t00 worn out. okla tu..since i always tend to wear out the things i like most.

7 Seite:
people say im hard to read. eyh?? i think i can be quite transparent at times. sometimes im sooo transparent...its even embarassing.

8 Ocho:
i love the sun..the heat..not so much. mild-mild one oklaa. with a little breeze. perfect. bright sunny days always puts me in a good cheery mood :)

So there~
8 random facts :)
I hope that I counted in Spanish rite. Adah taught me how to count up til 10. She learnt from watching Dora the Explorer. Muy Bien~~

owh...and these are the 8 people that im tagging....
1. nad jh
2. faiza faiz
3. fad karim
4. shaela ali
5. hid chamhuri
6. nesh neshi
7. diha khairuddin
8. kma azlan

hehe. its been some time since i havent heard from some :p so there...sile la buat ye wahai kawan2~ :)

im off to catch my Z's...
i can sleep up til 11. thats wen the electricity will be off according to the notice from TNB. they're puting up the cables for the pylons. fascinating~

x best la tp..no electricity till ptg. so where to run to ye? hurmm~
anyone up for movies?
wats best eh..hurmm..
nk tgk resident evil..tp mcm takut..
mayb ill watch the one that red wrote in his blog..
haiisyh..shud be studying ds...
y0sh~

"happiness often sneaks in through a door u didnt know u left open"

should be in study m0de

2007-10-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

should be in study m0de rite now. but..... haiiisyh.

the first paper is on tuesday.
two papers in one day. gagaga~ eeeekkk~
SE and DSP. huhuhu.
takutness~

alhamdulillah all the projects are done and over with.
report submitted and everything presented.
SE project was a bit of a flop..kn nad. huhu. next time kne impress more. haiiisyh.
EOP presentation was best.
although had to bertungkus lumus beforehand...all went well.
its hard to have groupmates from different backgrounds and ethnicity bt thankfully it all worked for the best. we had fun along the way t00~ :)

rite now im busy calculating my carry marks and forecasting my grades. budget markah and cut off points. haha.
this sem will surely drop my pointer since midterm sume agak hambar. huhu.
haiih. put that aside for now...kne berusahe jela kn...y0sh~

all the best for exam...people~~ (*^0^*)

"dont pray for lighter burdens...but for stronger backs"

of hari raya

2007-10-17T03:57:00.000+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA to everyone!!!!

a bit late..i know..but eid is celebrated the whole month no? :p

went balek kampungs for a few days..johor first and then melaka.

this year's raya doesnt feel like the usual raya :(

i guess since theres still projects and presentations and midterms right after raya so thats why la kot. the mood for raya is just so-and-so~ i had to be MIA for a while :p

got SE and EOP and DSP to hand in on thursday. then can breathe a bit before SE midterm II on monday. y0sh y0sh~ finals not yet in my mind. in la juge kot...bt at the 'belakang'est part of the brain. haha. kene y0sh nnt~

it sure wud be great to be able to celebrate raya like when we used to back then kn? when we were small...when running around playing around and getting in the way of the adults was our only priority. haha. oh memories~ :)

haf a great and fun month of raya everyone :)

"coming together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is success"

all that glitter is not gold

2007-10-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

i havent updated for some time. we are in the final third part of ramadhan. its alredy october. a few more days till raye. a few more days to find lailatulqadar. a few more months till the end of the year.

its been a hectic week. a bz month. a tiring sem. haiiisyh. i just cant wait for this sem to be over and done with. my god..its by far the strainest sem ever. its a sucky sem. i am not my own self. i hate this feeling. having no control. no power. i can even feel me frowning ever so often. so to those around me..im sorry for not being the usual me. im sory for not being there when i shud be. im sory for not acting like u expect me to be. im sory if i terguris anyone's hati. im just..tired...tired of this all. im sory. i guess..its just one of those phases.

things are happening back to back. things expected from me. things that needs to be done. its like someone pulling my arm one way and the other the opposite way. ppl wanting u to this..to do that. everyone wants a piece of u and u try hard to please evrybody..but u know u cant. sometimes everythings is all just too serabut..all in a mess..till u dont know how to prioritize and organize anymore. i feel numb.

its not like im the only one with the problem. im sure many feels the same way too. this is just a minor setback. one of lifes many challenges i hafta face. to compare with others..other major problems that people face, war..famine n stuff..mine is so itsy bitsy teeny weeny..soooo minute. i hafta be grateful. just suck it in la una. y0sh~!!

sumtimes it helps to take ur mind off things. (like anticipating new episodes of PB n heroes everyweek. haha. thats always a rush) but the reality is always there..bugging u in the corners of ur mind even if u try to push it away to remote places in ur brain. u cant run away from it. i guess..u just hafta face it smack hard square in the face and get it over and done with quickly. haiisyh2.

of time outs...

family day ece

iftars

of PD

ooohh..n watch this vid down there...how they visualize it..coolness~

hehe. its in arabic. xfaham die mengumpat about ape. but..takut x?? its like literally eating the flesh of ur own blood when u backbite or talk bad about others. or as dr abdi wud say..bobobo..ta'ban makhluka..no?? hehe. this is as a reminder to all~ i know its hard to totally avoid the matter at hand. even if we dont contribute in the act..but by listening and adding and saying stuff its also actually a similar form 0f backbiting. so..say no to mengumpats. :p

ooh..its a long one. better stop. i haf my CE final xm this monday...DS on tuesday and SE after raya. y0sh y0sh y0sh~

"when the world pushes u down to ur knees..u r in the perfect position to pray"
-hassan al-basri

the waiting game

2007-09-22T10:51:00.000+08:00

abg penjara~ haiiisyh.

neways...heres pics of adah at the recent sparring competition. everyone liked to watch the tadika punye category. everyone had a fit laughing. will put up the video later. gelakkn adik sendri..hahaha :p

anis and anas - representing their tadikas.
same since nursery, then kindergarten and soon to be..same skool. haha.

adah won gold btw..w00t w00t~

anas also won gold for the boys category. double w00t w00t~ haha.

adah n her 'sir safwan' haha.

an xm on monday. y0sh~

"the beaten path is the safest...but the traffic is terrible"

hepy ramadhan~

2007-09-16T01:32:00.000+08:00

happy fasting to evryone~

let us embrace ramadhan and what it has to offer. ramadhan..its a month of patience, a month of taqwa, a month of quran and a month of rewards. so heres wishing a blessed ramadhan to all :)

last weekend although tiring..had been amazing.

the workshop visit for autoskills was educating yet interesting. had great company. learnt a lot .

the ece family day was fun and entertaining although had to peningkn kepala beforehand. huhu. but thankfully all went well..all had a great time and the bbq was uber delish :)

the PD roadtrip was amazing. had fun in the sun till we were burnt like udang terbakars yg kehangusan. haha :p went banana boating and jet skiing. bwk the jet ski like a mat remps..prengpreng~ hahaha. thrill~ had a big bruise di kaki though while getting off it. ouch~ my arms and badans also felt numb n sakits for a few days. haiih. need more EXERcise. bobobo una~ :p nad n shael cudnt join though. next time letsss..haiya binaa~ :)

pics sume in the other pc. will update later if rajinss. nad je rajin upload pics ye skrang. hehe. the bloggingsphere has been quite hambar lately...merudum. y0sh~

neways..went to the bazaar ramadhan here in bangi. was meriahh. habes my tuDs n bajus smelled of hasaps. hehe. saw many familiar faces also. kg halaman la katekn :p many kwn2 skola bt then theres some that i recognise but cant register where. i hate when that happens. quite mind boggling. haiisyh. n i thot im gud with names n faces n all. y0sh~ i think im getting old laa. there haf been 'miniscule' signs. haaih.

okla..enuff babblings and updates frm me. i made this blog layout kecik2 kenot like this so that i wont write byk2. haha. guess i better be off..be good people..n lets hope that during this ramadhan we can all attune ourselves for the better. amiin~ :)

"wat we see depends mainly on wat we look for"

such sad sad bad bad news :(

2007-09-06T23:23:00.000+08:00

(while wiping away tears...) s0b s0b s0b..huhuhu T_T

in memory...
my dear wentworth miller...
abg penjara kusyg~

ok..fyi..abg penjara is still alive and kicking.

well..rumour has it (thanx 2 adam for dishing it out 1st :p) that he is gay. is he?

my abg penjara gay??

n o 0 o 0 o 0 0 o 0 o~

cannotlaa. haiiih. my dreams of him is slowly fading. huhu. i thot he was a man-man u know. macho and all. what with his intense gaze..his always knowing wat to do..his taking charge of evrything..thinking things thru...what with his plans and all...his intelligence some more. haiiih. hahaha. i feel like a skool girl w0oing him like this. owh well. its just his character that i like isnt it. owh michael scofieldku~ (O,o) lets hope the rumour is not truee..huhuhu.

but who am i kidding...i still like u laa...so whatever it is u decide to do wahai wentworth miller..i will always like youuu okie.. hihihi ^_~

btw...the new episode of prison break will be aired on the 17th of september if im not mistaken...so yeayyyyy~ :)

on a more different note...i guess can relate also laa with my abg penjara a bit :p things are not what it seems...transformers was rite...there is more than meets the eye (chochochochechet)...just when u thot it was like this..actually it was like that..haha. blinded or what huh? open ur eyes...open ur eyes wiiiiddeeee...like this ---> O_O haaisyh2. dun want to salah lipat my mate :p

okies..gtg..someones leaving on a jet plane...

"always focus on the front windshield and not the rearview mirror"

yet another entry

2007-09-04T12:15:00.000+08:00

the blogging vibe is back. yikes~

im posting my 2nd entry for the day. just like the gud old days. bt oklaa i guess..acceptable since its the hols and all :p

am currently reading the harry potter book. ketinggalan zaman yg amat sangat eventho we bought it on the very 1st day with all that queing kn hid :p halfway to go. everyime i read this book for the 1st time..the ones later in the series that is..it will send shivers down my spine. i dunno why it has that effect on me. its not even scary. childish...i noe.

my vision haf gone blurry from all them reading. quite hard to adjust and focus from short to long distance. eye exercise...no? haha. need some rest and hence i blog.

the break is coming to an end. super short or wat. huhu. thot i could manage to fit in 1 season of series bt it seems that time is so0oo not on my side. well..guess its only me and harry for this cuti then.

my software engin book still remains as it is. closed and untouched. huhu. my eop homework still unread. oooh..i am procrastinating big time. such bad habits i daresay husna. isyh3.

just wen u thot it shud be easy peasy lemon squeezy..u got it all wrong...

oklaa..need to get back to harry and the horcruxes. occlumency. where they get them names and spells and incantations..it beats me. feels great to just come up with names and stuff and ppl pn just take it in je kn. haha.

"silence is not golden...its quite rusty the way i see it"

revelation

2007-09-04T01:29:00.000+08:00

thank u mama~

thank u for the words..
thank u for the wisdom..
thank u for the inspiration..
thank u for the advice..
hearing it coming from ur mouth
helping me see what i did not see
overwhelmed by the realization that struck
it is not what it seems
there is more than meets the eye
staying true to yourself
redefining your values
confident of who u are
keeping ur heart pure
believing in the One
as whatever it might be
sooner or later
it will fall into place naturally
the way it is predestined to be

lets just hope i can keep all this in mind :p
i am blessed..Alhamdulillah~ :)

love u mama..

"what doesnt kill u will make u stronger"

happy birthday mama~

2007-09-03T17:24:00.000+08:00

yesterday 02.09.07 was bonda's bday...

happy 44th birthday mama~

its been great having a few days break like this. i wonder if i can extend it for a few more days..hurm :p

got the ECESA family day on saturday though. nk promo sikit laa since the event is quite low key and hush2 since we didnt haf that much time for the promo..kn nadiah kn..hehe :p

so to all ECE students come one..come all..and join in the fun!!

~~ ECESA Family Day 2007 ~~

date: 8 september 2007, saturday
time: 8.00am - 1.00pm
venue: male sports complex

been eating and going out a lot for the hols.
everyones home. its quite hard to spend quality time together nowadays unless if theres any public holidays or whatever. sisterly bond. i miss.

met up with the fab 5 friends. hehe. such joy la just to hang out like that. riang ria gembira. eventho we only met up occasionally and its like an annual thing..everytime it will bring back the fondest of memories :) tiqa...nk pictures~
p/s: adam..kate nk team up 2 'gemukkn nad' bt u cudnt make it pule..isyh2.

met up with the girls also yesterday at alamanda. went to alamands a few days back to back. muke alamands ke ape. haha. later at nite went for fireworks with the family and aunts and cousins. rombongan~ haha. went for the fireworks a few nites alredy and yesterday was the finale. im hooked with the new tripod. wheee :D

on a more serious note...eceh~

initially,
when x=0, f(x) = 6,
when x=2, f(x) = 5,
when x=4, f(x) = 2+1+2

hehe.
felt like doing some maths pulak these hols :p
encrypted?? nope.
doesnt need any analytical thinking..those knowing..will know. true kn :(

"to be ONE..is to FEEL like one"

less is more

2007-08-26T10:25:00.000+08:00

changes are good.
trying something new.
doing something out of the norm.
doing something out of the blue.
an accomplishment..
eventhough not anything major..
something minor..
little tiny steps..
stepping out of ur boundaries..
out of the box..
it makes u feel great :)

"less is more"

entry the second

2007-08-19T09:59:00.000+08:00

morning all~

its a beautiful day. i lurve my mornings when i wake up to the sun filtering in thru the curtains. it just makes u want to =). ok...not literally smiling maybe..but to haf that wonderful feeling of contentment...it just makes u serene inside. alhamdulillah~ hurmm.. am rambling~

ok..some are wondering where to click for previous posts. well..actually..ive deleted them all. my blog is after all being reborn :p so the entries are all new. my momentum in updating has been slowly deteriorating. *sigh* gone were the good old 'blogging-multiple-times-per-day' days. haha. its the age factor i guess. yeah..rite. :p well..ppl say wen theres a will theres a way rite. excuses schemuses~

am so0o00o looking forward for the midsem break. bt there haf been rumours that the midsem break will be cancelled and be brought forward for eid. oh nononono~ dont rob me of my break ppl. things haf been pretty hectic lately. i need to unwind.

the convest will be starting nxt week. so come one...come all and make the place even more crowdier. haha. frens..wat about the paintball thingy? any takers? no? i feel like shooting someone. shooting paintball pellets also can la. haha.

hId's having her convo next monday but i haf evening classes. bugger :( want to see u with ur robe n all eventho i went with u to pick it up yesterday. hehe. someones feeling hepy :) i liked wat i saw in ur phone. hihihi. hid hid~ :p haha.

nad j0e's coming back. yeayy~ but atiqa's left for her japan h0ls alredy. looks like it'll take a few days for the fab 5 to reunite.

ok..enuff updates for now..laters~

"Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but dun swallow it. "

the rebirth

2007-08-16T18:53:00.000+08:00

helloo world!!

today..this blog is reborn...
happy birthday blog..

after 38 months of blogging..after approx. 3 years..i feel that it is high time to start something new. well..maybe not that new. my very own...dear-blog-version-2. haha. i dunno exactly what i wanna accomplish with this rebirth..but sometimes...a girl's gotta do wat a girl's gotta do rite~ hihihi :p

that was me then..this is me now. <-- haha. i like to come up with lame, cheesy phrases dun i?? just bear with me people :p

...*|wysiwyg| - whizzie wig*...

And we turn 2!

Take 5

Breastpump Review

Pumping Working Mom

The Breastfeeding Challenge

Got MILK?

My Hubby My BFF

Aqil Rafiq - Post Birth

Aqil Rafiq - Birth Story

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part II

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part I

Aqil Rafiq turns 1 :)

Guess who's back?

t.w.i.l.i.g.h.t

beginning of an end

taking the good in with the bad

of conv0s

the end

oopsie daisie~

ok go~ :p

of a long weekend :D

m.l.s

of OS'es~ o.O

happy anniversary~

mothers day

tgif~

adah's birthday

work

updates

check..check..and check

sleep.sleep.sleep.

exam mode...quang..quang..quang~

updated

under the weather

haiiihh...

friends for monstah

updates

of encryptions & decryptions~

uuhuhuuuhuhuhuu

tag..you're it..

should be in study m0de

of hari raya

all that glitter is not gold

the waiting game

hepy ramadhan~

such sad sad bad bad news :(

yet another entry

revelation

happy birthday mama~

less is more

entry the second

the rebirth

...|wysiwyg| - whizzie wig...