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Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Of legacies and what not

It's been nearly one and a half years since I last wrote here.

So much has been going on and I don't think I can update everything here. Gone were my blogging days. I rarely read blogs now. Hurmm..I wonder why. Some people say that people blog when they don't have anything to do. Real people 'Live' and not blog..or something like that. But I like to blog...because I've a very bad memory and it's good to be reminded of yourself way back when.

Anyway, I have been re-reading my posts from this blog and felt a familiar pang. The blog post struck a chord deep inside me..it's like Hey..I've felt this before or I know this feeling and Hey, I can relate or Hey, I know this girl..haha. When all in all, it is actually me and how I was and how I felt and what I had been going through at that time. Sometimes, it feels so alien-like, because the 'you' now is different from the 'you' back then..it's like you yourself doubt was that really you earlier on. Was that how I felt? Was that how I saw things? It feels so alien-like. Hehehe.

Oh well, I guess sometimes time changes you and how you perceive things. Sometimes you change without realizing. Sometimes you forgot of how you were back then...of the goals you had of your values you had..of your stand and how you see the world. Sometimes time changes it all. Sometimes growing up changes it all. Being young back then, you feel ever so optimistic. Like the world is your oyster. However, as you grow older...some of the zest in life starts to disappear. You become tired with the growing up and the things associating it with. You sometimes become so sucked up in living sometimes it clouds what is actually important. It's good to be reminded and step back for a while to refocus on what is important. A favourite line from my sister's blog "A step back..for 2 steps forward..". Hi Angs..I read your blog you know :p It's good to sometimes take a step back and reflect what you're doing before moving forward. Just so that you know that you're going in the right direction..hihi.

People around me freak out that they're turning 30 this year. To me, 30 is just a number. Of course I would rather be 20 this year rather than 30..LOL. I guess by rather being 20 it justs give you more time rather than if you're 30. I'm still not prepared. I have so much to do..to improve on. Now I get it when people say that Masa itu Emas or Time is Golden. Even the Quran has al-Asr. Because without time, we would be nothing except for the deeds that we do.

Of course, we are only human. We get distracted with life easily..with this..with that. I know I do :( This clouds the ultimate goal in life. I just hope that I can get through all this in one piece and ace this test if not with flying colours but just even a passing mark will do. Huhu.

It's terrifying to think of death. Of what comes after...the hereafter. I read a post on facebook where they did a good analogy on life hereafter. 2 babies were in the womb of their mother living contently. One baby asks the other on whether they believe life after delivery. The baby believes that there will be another life waiting for them after delivery, a life where they can walk, eat, see and use other senses which they can't understand now. While the other baby was sceptical, saying that it was nonsense and there is no life after delivery. It will all end there. He questioned why no one returned and never came back from there and that delivery is the end of life. He scoffed at the baby who believes that they will meet 'Mother' after delivery. The sceptical baby said if there is a 'Mother' why can't we see her and why she isn't around. The believer baby then mentioned that you can feel 'Mother' and 'hear' her when in you're in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can feel her presence. Some non-muslim made this up but I guess you can take the gist of it.

So anyway, I have been rambling. I just wonder how I will be remembered when I'm no longer here. How will my family remember me as? How will my children remember me as? Huhu. Hopefully they will have fond memories and remember the good things. Another reason to stay centered and not to be led astray..the legacy that you will leave. Maybe I don't have a multi-billion empire to leave by but I hope I will leave more than that to the ones that matters. In shaa Allah. Hopefully this blog will also serve as purpose for that, people will see me of who I am..of who I was and also serve as a reminder to myself to focus on what is really important. O Allah..please give me strength..the will power..the endurance to go through this life. Please keep me close and don't let me astray. Amin~

Was initially trying to make this post light but I guess it's some deep stuff here. Lol. Oh well. Take care peeps. Until we meet again. God bless!