I'm feeling 'nostalgic' today. 2 more days until we reach the 6 month mark. Time flies ever so fast. Yesterday also marked the new Hijri year..1437H. You went away in 1436H.
Had my first teppanyaki today..without you. It used to be our thing. I've never ate teppanyakki without you. Something so trivial but such a big meaning behind it.
Passed a store and glanced at the mannequin in front with the nice shirt. I thought of you and how you would look smart with that shirt. I miss shopping for you. Buying you clothes...buying you things and get to see you wear them. I miss those moments. My heart is aching badly missing you.
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| Father & son moment. March 2014 - MFM Sunway Pyramid. Loved the way how Aqil's arm is touching his dad's. |
I know that there is nothing that I can do. It is all Allah's will. I accept that. Redha. I accept that you are no longer here with us. But at the same time...the heart just misses..badly. The pain of missing someone dearly..someone close to you..living with them for every single day. You were my rock. I miss you. I love you.
It's hard not to think of you when you have been such a big part of my life. I still feel your 'presence' everywhere even though you are still not here.
I do hope that you are doing well over there. My mind can't comprehend how it is in the other world. I guess my time will eventually come for me to know. But in the mean time. my prayers are with you. I hope it goes through. I hope it carries enough weight.
I'm also struggling to work on my relationship with al-Khaliq. Sometimes I too slip away. It used to be much easier in the earlier months. Now..I feel that I have to really battle out the feeling you know. Struggling to keep awake and finding the time to read the Quran, waking up early for solahs...even going for Class Agama dah rasa macam malas-malas. I hope I can strive through. For me, for you, for the kids, for my family...for the sake of Allah. Ya Allah...please help me in my affairs in the dunya..to be closer to You and to please You.
I am still hurting inside. Kerinduan itu yang hurts the most. You were so good to me and I took all of it for granted. "Which then of the bounties of your lord will you deny? (Ar-Rahman 55:13)" Ya Allah..please forgive me...please forgive us..please have Mercy on us. Please help me through this.
