A little free time

It's been a while since I last blogged. I don't have that much free time. If ade pon, I'd rather rest and sleep. Minding 2 little boys penat wo~ Huhu. Things have been ok I guess. I'm back at work. New place...new people..new environment. I've been busy...adapting...with work..with home..with the kids. Life has its ups and downs. Was at a point when we thought we saw a light at the end of the tunnel but then when dah reach there, ade gate rupenye and its bolted shut with a big fat padlock. Nak tak nak kene go another way to reach outside to feel the sunbeam on our skin. Cryptic much? Huhu. Anyway, nikmat and rezeki itu milik Allah. Ia dipinjamkan sahaja kepada kite. Oleh itu, always bersyukur with what you have...be it big or small. On that note, I am thankful for dear hubby. For being there and for having what we have now. Sharing things and going through these things together makes us closer together. Love you~

On a nother note...Adil has reached 6 months. Yeayy! Cepat je dah 6 mths already. At 6 months he can:

1. Sit up - gorilla style..sitting mcm biase, but both arms on the floor kt depan to support his weight and balance.
2. Crawl - sometime on all 4's but bila penat crawl with the help of his tummy.
3. Stand whenever we baring next to him (suke nak panjat-panjat orang).
4. Roll both ways..from back to front and vice versa.
5. He likes to blow/make sounds on people's skin ( puts his mouth on arm/leg/tummy) and blow angin/air liur.
6. Had his first solid - but macam tak berapa nak get the hang of swallowing yet..jilat-jilat je die...bile suap..still ade food on his tongue..hehe.
7. Likes to put everything in his mouth (toys..people's fingers), I guess he's teething..his gums dah kuat and air liur meleleh jangan nak dikata :p
8. Dah jatuh katil a few times..letak barrier bantal pn he can bulldoze through :p

Aqil on the other hand is as talkative as ever. Dulu like to asks questions starting with "What is that..." but now its "Why is this...". Sometimes pening jugak nak jawab. Huhu. Can construct full sentences full force now. Panjang jugak leteran/cerita die sometimes. Have some pelats here and there which makes understanding what he's saying sometimes quite a puzzle and hilarious at the same time. Cheeky at times...it amazes me how our parents makes it look so easy dulu raising us up. Huhu.

Thinking about the kids me happy. How I wish everyday is a weekend. I miss my boys..hubby included :)

Adil Imran - Post Birth

Spent the nights at the hospital with my mom. It was during short sem, so she had few classes and work was a bit flexible. Thank you Mama for temaning me :) Did's was busy with her practical training at Sony Bangi so cannot be my caregiver and penjaga pantang this time around :( Hils spent the night with Aqil at home. That following morning after sending Aqil to nursery, baru he came to the hospital.

Nak buat review sikit about the room. Since the single room was full masa nak admit tu, hubs amek the VIP room. It was nice and spacious. The room itself was big, with bed and adjoining toilet with bath and shower, tv, dresser, sofa bed and chairs. Plus die ade like a living/dining place outside where ade sofa set, dining table and kitchenet with microwave, sink and fridge. Unnecessary things. Bukannya guna sangat pon sume tu. I don't exactly remember the price per night tapinya. But apa yang I tau, sebest mana your room, if you are the patient, you will still feel uncomfortable and tak selesa and longing for your bed at home. I missed my bed dearly masa kena duduk kat hospital haritu. The hospital bed dahla single, nak baring with baby to bfeed   not that comfortable la. Sebab I kena operate, movements masa mula-mula tu agak limited la sikit. Nak pusing kiri kanan pon susah. Huuu~ Orang yang dah pernah kena caesar je faham :(

VIP room at Ampang Puteri maternity ward. Pics courtesy of hubby.

Since I had gone for the operation at night, I had about a night's rest for the drugs to wear off. That morning tu, I woke up feeling my lower body as the night before masa nak tido tu still rasa numb. The nurse and doc advises me to gerak and get out of bed as much as I can to improve blood circulation. By noon, I dah bangun and mandi-manda dah. Alhamdulillah, this time around I recovered pretty quickly from the operation. Doctor and nurses pon impressed. Diorang kata jarang orang 1st day dah boleh bangun jalan-jalan like I did. Maybe because I dah tau what to expect, but I guess the main reason is I nak cepat baik so I can get keluar hospital ASAP. Huhu. That 1st night tu, I slept macam tak sedar diri jugakla cos of the drugs kan. But the following day tu, nak nap sangatla tak selesa. 2nd night pon tido tak nyenyak, I keep on tossing and turning in bed je. Haiih. So cannot wait to go home.

Dulu masa Aqil, I had a morning operation, at 10-ish AM. So I spent the whole day dozing off because of the drugs. I banyak picit the morphine button sebab konon sakit. I used morphine for the painkiller. Malam pon of course la tido lagi la kan sebab dah malam. So the morning after tu, I was sangatlah rimas and badan rasa lemah because I spent like about 24hours terbaring je. Belakang pon rase tak selesa dah macam lekat-lekat kat tilam..eeuuww :p This time, I cuba kuatkan semangat so as not to rely on the morphine so much. Alhamdulillah ok je. Dulu je gedik, sikit-sikit nak picit. Yelaa..kata first time beranak :p So the next time around InshaAllah if ada rezeki for baby number 3, I nak schedule my operation late evening or at night. I think lagi cepat nak recover. That malam tu can rest and sleep. Esoknya can try to slowly bangun and gerak-gerak. Nak turun dari katil the 1st time memang a major step. Kena do it slowly, but once dah bangun from the bed InshaAllah ok. Alhamdulillah my mom also had experience kena caesar so she really understands and banyak bagi tips. Hehe.

I spent 2 days and 2 nights in the hospital. Supposedly can be discharged on Thursday, but on Wednesday tu I asked the doctor if I can go back home. I was uncomfortable duduk lama-lama kat situ. Hospital best if kita jadi visitors je, if jadi patient sebest mana hospital pon, still tak akan best jugak. After the doc examined by wound, I berjaya di let off early. Yeayyy~ I think I can recover much faster at home. Had to wait for quite a bit for them to get the bill ready. Total cost for delivery charges at Ampang Puteri for elective caesarean for 2 days and 2 nights stay at the VIP room was about RM9k plus. Huhu. Because it was an elective c-sect, it was a bit cheaper if compared to emergency c-sect. Dulu masa Aqil, 2 years back it was about RM8k for an emergency c-sect plus kena induce summore.

So on Wednesday evening tu, with the baby in tow, kitorang pon balik lah Wangsa Maju for the sesi berpantang. Decided to berpantang sendiri je at home because senang Aqil nak pegi school pagi-pagi. If from Bangi agak jauh, plus takde siapa pon yang nak jaga I kat Bangi tu, everyone was working. Huhu. Besides, I decided that I will be more comfortable at home. Because ada Aqil, this time around I didn't get to be spoilt like before. It's not just the baby that I had to think of, had to consider Aqil as well.

Dulu masa tengah tunggu baby nak pop out tu, I couldn't help but kept on praying that I would deliver siang and on a weekday masa Aqil kat nursery. Takdela die miss I sangat if I were gone nanti. Pagi pegi nursery, balek-balek dah ada baby dah. Hehe. The whole time masa kat hospital tu, I was missing him badly. Yelah, before this tak pernah separate kan. So because of that, automatically I became stronger both mentally and physically to endure that post birth stage, in the hospital and at home. Kena put in my head nak cepat sihat and baik not only for me, but also for Aqil. Plus, ni bukannya 1st time pon kan. Should be OK taking care of a baby. Kalau dulu, masa dengan Aqil maybe I wasn't as strong as now.

Motherhood really makes you grow up and be more mature (at some level la..sometimes rase kebudak-budakkan tu masih ade..huhu). Alhamdulillah, You made me go through all of this with ease (ease and easy lain ye :p) and with a great support system. I am fully blessed. Of course there were the ups and downs, but the ups definitely over weigh the downs :)

My Precious.
My Double A's.
Big A and Little A ❤

Missing Big A

Life is good Alhamdulillah what with the new baby and all. I think I've adjusted with Adil's schedule..more or less :p I admit sometimes I do get the occasional panda eyes from tending to Little A in the wee hours of the morning. But Alhamdulillah it's not that often. Little A's a peaceful quiet baby Alhamdulillah.

On the other hand, I'm missing Aqil badly. My parents came to visit earlier and they took Aqil for the night to sleepover at Bangi. For the 25 months 3 weeks of his life, Aqil has never spent the night without at least one of his parents around. I've never had to separate from him during the nights ever before this. Well..except last 2 weeks while I was in hospital after delivering Adil. At that time it had to be done because takkan nak suruh Aqil tido kat hospital pulak kan...kesian je die nanti. Besides, I was too drowsy and in pain that I didn't have the time to bersedih-sedih. Plus, H was looking after him so I know that he'll be ok at home with his Abah. He slept with H for 2 nights without me and luckily I was discharged on the 3rd day and get to go back to home sweet home.

And now, as I am typing this, Aqil is in Bangi with his grandparents and aunties. He was so excited to get to follow them back tadi. Mama yang sedih tau. H macam takde perasaan sangat. When I voiced out my kesedihan to him, he said "Aqil's a big boy now. You have to let him go. Macam citer Nemo tu (Aqil's favourite cartoon at the moment)." Huhu. Yelaa..I know he's a big boy and I have to let him go some time or other. But does it have to be now?? Huhu.

Sedih :(

Missing Big A...my big baby Aqil. Although he's an abang now...he'll always be my little baby. 

37 weeks

Being a night owl nowadays see me blogging more and more. Malam-malam sorang-sorang tak tau nak buat ape..huhu.

Last week I was supposed to have my 36 weeks checkup with Dr Ariza but the hospital called to postpone to this week instead because the doctor had something going on. So this week I'm in my 37 weeks. Doc said the babys' head is already engaged. She asked if I had any contractions and I said nope. The most intense contractions that I had was the week when I got back from Kuching but now nada, zilch, zero. Maybe a bit of tummy mengeras here and there but I didn't acknowledge it as contractions as it was too mild.

Baby's estimated weight is now 3.5kg, doc says quite big for 37 weeks. Will have to come in next week to reassess and see if baby is getting bigger or not. As I had a previous c-sect, doc doesn't want me to push too hard if the baby's big. Will put a lot of pressure on the incision nanti. Max can go for normal delivery is 3.8kg. Huhu. Hope baby won't be too big...or else cut-cut la lagi. Sooo wanting for a normal delivery right now. Just have to make lots of doa. Allah knows best. Tengah a bit cuak thinking about delivery and stuff. Been googling a lot on other people's birth stories and experiences. Huhuhu.

Aqil on the other hand is slightly feverish. He also has some red rashes on his face. I'm a bit worried if it's chicken pox or denggi ke ape. But Alhamdulillah I don't see it anywhere else on his body. Just his face. Maybe rashes because of the heat kot. Anyway, it's been 2 days die macam ada temperature..been giving him paracetamol at nursery. At night dah takdela panas sangat..only a bit warm je. Tonight pon nampak macam dah tak panas badan. Hope Aqil will soon be fine inshaAllah. It will be quite a handful if Aqil gets sick right now on top of my anxiety to deliver lagi. Not a good combo.

Aqil (Oct 2011) @Molly Fantasyland. His favourite place EVER!! :p

Been watching Aqil sleeping soundly. Every kid/baby I guess muke tenang je mase tido...innocent. So peaceful kan the face? Rase rindu pulak dekat die even though I'm staring at him. Lagi tengok die lagi rase rindu. Cepat je die besar...dah nak jadi abang dah. Baju pon kene beli size for 3-4 years old. Padahal baru je 2 years. Nak cakap die big built rase macam takdela big sangat. It's been quite a while that I haven't brought him to see his paed. I also have 1 shot of immunization not yet taken...supposed to take it mase 1 and a half years haritu but have been putting it off. Ooooppss. Should make some time to bring him nanti. Don't know of his updates...whether die cukup zat and whatnot. Dulu doc cakap muka die pucat which means die kurang iron and have been given iron supplements. Die makan nak tak nak so lame-lame simpan dalam fridge je. Me and H on the other hand perasaan that he was fair as in putih melepak...pffttt~ Kurang iron rupenye. Haha...parents perasaan. He's a bit picky when it comes to food I guess. Whenever we eat, he takes little rice/carbs but always go for the lauks instead like ayam or udang. I'm not that worried because ade protein but have to see what the doc says la. Ooohh..and he just loves mushroom which will remind me of my close friend back in uni, Fad (mushroom lover and owner of Zawara) who'll be getting married this weekend. Yeayyy! 

Anyway..here are some old photos of Aqil in my phone buat pengubat rindu (macam jauh mana je nak rindu-rinduan ni..huhu).

Penat after outing 2 orang je @OU.
Rase macam quite an achievement.....selalu ade H sekali.
Aqil penat.....Mama die lagi penat :p
(Feb 2012)

(Feb 2012)
@Ikea
He just loves them mini trolleys. Perasaan besar.

Anger Management

Anger -> Mad -> Madness -> Crayyy-zeehh!!

The meaning of Anger = The feeling one has toward something or someone that hurts, opposes, offends, or annoys; strong displeasure.

A while ago I snapped at Aqil. I was very tired, mentally and physically and Aqil was really testing me. He wanted attention I guess but I just wanted a moment to myself. Only a moment..tak sampai 1 minute. It was near his bedtime and I guess he wanted to sleep and needed my comfort. Because he was pestering me on and on and on...I quickly snapped at him. He cried and looked at me with those big innocent eyes. He kept on crying while I did my thing (I just needed a minute to finish my drink) and ignored him. I was tired..have a lot of problems on my mind and then this..oh COME ON!! 

H then came into the kitchen and consoled him but he kept on crying. H told me to put myself in his shoes. All he wanted was just my attention. Sometimes I feel like splitting myself up and cloning myself. One copy of me could tend to Aqil, another copy would cook and do the household chores, another one would be by hubby's side, one would just relax and rest and do her own thing and then have a few copies for backup. How I wish la kan. But NO..life is not like that. I felt guilty for snapping up at Aqil. I know it's not his fault. He just wanted me to put him to sleep but at that time the timing was not right. Having a child, sometimes you have to adjust your clock to your child's needs but at the same time, you want/need to tend to your own needs aswell. Even though Aqil is a big boy now, he sometimes don't know the meaning of 'sekejap'. He knows the meaning of 'sekejap' I guess because he sometimes uses it when he's doing something and wants me to wait...but I guess when he wants something, he just can't wait. I guess it's a kids thing..kot? Entahla..I dunno.

Aqil muka nakal

Anyway, back to the story..after like moments of snapping up at Aqil, I felt this huge guilt. "Apesal laa itu pon nak marah Aqil?" What kind of mom am I? Haiihh. I quickly hugged him, kissed him, consoled him and said I was sorry. I laid down next to him and teman him watch Upin and Ipin while he drank his milk. After a while he fell asleep. It's not like he's asking for much but entahla..at that time tu something just took over me and I lost it..I just snapped. Contoh that anger can lead to madness. Huhu.

I once read a link on a Facebook post on anger and Islam and it really struck a chord inside of me. Tried to recall and find it back but to no avail. Lupa dah siapa yang post. Huhu. Anyway..from what I remember..the article said, according to Islam = Anger is a destructive fire!! It is soo very true.

I tried googling about anger and Islam hoping to find the article but still tak jumpe. Anyway..here's bits and pieces from a few articles that I Mr Google managed to conjure up.

A man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "Advise me." The Prophet said, "Do not get angry." He repeated his request several times and the Prophet said again and again, "Do not get angry." - (Al-Bukhari)

Imagine that! A man came to ask the Prohet (pbuh) for some advice, and despite asking him a few times, the Prophet still sticks to one, single, solo and only advice, which was: DO NOT GET ANGRY. Haiihh. I never did know that anger is like the root of all evils. Tak tau pon anger issues ni is a serious thing in Islam. No wonder Islam asks us to be patient kan?

Sabar itu separuh daripada Iman. 

All this while I thought what it meant was that if ada orang buat kita kene bersabar and be the bigger/better person. But here, I think it means that instead of giving in to anger kite kene bersabar..because if tak bersabar something else will take us over..like the fire inside of us or something like that la. Apelaa I ni. Dah 27years baru see it in that light.

• Anger is a secret weapon of man towards evil, but sometimes it results in the destruction of many noble qualities.
• It snatches away the wisdom of man and thus he becomes a brute beast devoid of any sense.
• Anger is a temptation and deception of Syaitan.
• Anger is the root of all evils.
• Anger is a very bad condition that weakens the person's Iman.

Anger is destructive emotion, as a fire which destroys our well being, consumes our good actions, repels our friends and dear ones, frightens our children and forces the angels to report bad actions for the Heavenly Records.

Anger.

We all have them inside of us. Some more than others.

Some quick to anger and quick to cool down, while others slow to anger and slow to cool down.

Which one are you?

Sometimes I feel like I have serious anger management issues. I am quick to get angry and not that quick to cool down. Not a good combo I know. Sometimes even the tiniest of things can irk me. I really hope I can change that about myself. Only closed ones have seen that side of me. My family and dear hubby..and I guess Aqil. I can become the hulk and I am  not proud of that. Orang melayu kata panas baran. Huhu. I guess I get that from my Mom's side..keturunan Bugis...maybe?

"Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution." - (Abu Daud)

Huhu. Anger ni rupenye sifat yang datangnye dari Syaitan. Tak bagus sungguh. No wonder people say if you get angry pergi cepat-cepat ambil wudhuk. Some even say minum air dulu. Ade jugak yang cakap if tengah marah berdiri then you should sit down, if still angry then lie down.

Thomas Jefferson's suggestion is: When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry a hundred.

Haiihh. I guess istighfar also works right. And reading about breathing techniques in pregnancy, I guess that could also be applied here. Deep breaths through your nose and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Huhu. I am soo not proud for not being able to tackle this anger management thingy. What hurts the most is that when I get angry sometimes I say things that I don't mean to and then hurt the ones I love most. You cannot take back what you say and then people will remember it like forever and ever. Huhu.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws.

Mama sorry Aqil. Mama tak marah Aqil. Mama try to be cool ye. Mama sayang Aqil OK~

My heroes!! ♥

I'm sorry H. I know I hurt you a lot when I get angry. I admire your coolness and patience. Sometimes I'm afraid if I'm testing and pushing you too much. Thank you for putting up with me all these while. You make me want to be a better person. I love you.

♥  ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥

Mood: Reflecting on life and bermuhasabbah diri pagi-pagi buta ini di kala tak boleh melelapkan mata. A lengthy post but writing this as a reminder to myself to be a better person/mom/wife/daughter/sister/Muslim InshaAllah. Ameen~

36 weeks

Alhamdulillah, I'm in my 36 weeks of pregnancy now and didn't pop out too soon. Been having pains in the suprapubic area and fatigue and mild contractions since coming back from Kuching haritu. Takut sangat kena deliver early and baby preemie. Huhu. Next week inshaAllah baru fullterm. Went for a checkup with Dr Ariza in my 34th week. Doc said the baby quite big and dah engaged dah. No wonder I rase saket kat bawah and not tummy area dah. Sometimes nak jalan pon susah. No wonder people sometimes say that its like you have a bowling ball between your legs. Try walking like that. Dulu to make myself feel good..konon-konon I was sashaying not walking..ala-ala princess gitu. But now..sad to say, I'm waddling like a duck. Huhu. Doc says baby pon macam dah fullterm baby because he's 2.6kg. This Wednesday will go for my 36th week checkup. I wonder what will be new. Hope the baby isn't that big. I've been praying hard that this time I can go for normal delivery. Please make doa for me :)

It's true when people say that every pregnancy is different. Dulu mase Aqil I takdela rase macam ni. Dulu I can't even feel Aqil moving inside my tummy. This time around the baby wiggles and squiggles and kicks and nudges and jabs like there's no tomorrow. I should be grateful that its a sign that he's an active one :)

I also noticed with this pregnancy is that I have stretch marks. Huhu. Because I'm putting on weight more than I should, my skin has been expanding rapidly and I'm seeing stretchmarks on my  tummy and thighs. Not a pretty sight. Sedeynye. Dulu with Aqil I didn't get stretchmarks at all and thought apesal la yang people fuss about it sangat. NOW I know la kan. Huhu. Dulu I had a case of PUPPS (puritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy) because I was carrying a boy, the male fetal DNA acts as a skin irritant. I was referred to see a dermatologist Dr Biduwiyah, she gave me creams and piriton for the itchiness. The itchiness will only go away after I deliver..orang Melayu says its pembawaan budak. Alhamdulillah this time around I don't have the symptoms. Anyway, I got to work from home because of that so yeayy. Hehe. PUPPS will eventually disappear after delivery but stretchmarks? Aiyaa~ I have been slathering Bio Oil for some time but its still there. Kene rajin sapu lagi for a few months kot. Let see if it helps.

Bought the biggest size available. Huhu.

Another thing I noticed is that I will get tired easily. I think it's the fact that I'm humongous now. I feel like a whale or an elephant. Huhu. Nak jalan from OU old wing to new wing pon penat. Nak turun rumah going to the car pon is hassle. It's not like I'm short of breath ke ape..well sometimes if I rush and don't take my time but it's the feeling yang the baby sangat berat and macam nak jatuh you have to hold your tummy in order to support it. Kalau tak pegang perut macam baby akan terkeluar je. Huhu. Didn't experience it last time with Aqil. Maybe because after I delivered Aqil I didn't quite get back to my pre-pregnancy weight kot. Haisyhh. Nanti ni gotta work hard to cut down the kilos. The fact that I have Aqil to tend to also makes me tired easily kot. It's no easy feat tending to a 2 year old. Alhamdulillah I have hubby who helps out a lot with Aqil. He bathes Aqil, changes his diapers, sends and picks him up from nursery, plays with him at home, go to the park together and even go out for breakfast just the two of them whenever I need my rest or need to sleep in. I am so thankful but sometimes I don't think I show my appreciation enough. Being hormonal because of the pregnancy (or not) sometimes I expect more out of him. But I guess he's doing his best and has been a great help. I je yang nak lebey-lebey. Most wives macam tu ke ek? Or is it just me? Huhu. Love you H~ :)

Starting this week I've been a night owl. I can't sleep at night. I'll sleep from 11 or 12 at night and then wake up at 3 something in the morning. Golek-golek balek but still cannot sleep back. Huhu. Dahla nak find a good and comfy position nak tido tu susah. Huhu. Anyway..now it's become a routine. Whenever I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I dah tak try dah to sleep balek. In a way, bagus la jugak I dikejutkan untuk bangun and solat apa-apa yang patut. Since I'm not working ni, after Aqil and H has gone to work baru I sambung tido balek sampaila ke tengahari. Hehe. Works well for me now...but don't know la macam mane nanti once the baby comes :p

Aqil watching his bedtime story on Youtube. Upin Ipin's Penggembala and Biri-biri. A must watch!

Upin Ipin Penggembala dan Biri-biri. Love the lyrics. Creative! Cerita The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Aqil turns 2

Aqil turned 2 this month. Big boy dah anak mama. Hope he grows up to be a good Muslim, son, husband (eeeekk..baru 2 years old dah nak fikir Aqil nak kawen dah ke? Huhu. He grows up soooo fast!). 

Anyway..Happy Birthday Aqil~ :)

To a special someone who's turning TWO
Great big hugs and wishes just for you
You're the apple of my eye
Happy Birthday awesome little guy!!

Didn't get a whole birthday cake for him, but only a slice. If beli whole cake always tak habis. Anyway, Aqil loves blowing out the candles and people singing happy birthday (tak kesahla to him ke or to anyone else), but what he really loves is cutting into the cake first, either be it with a fork or just a spoon. Konon besar la tu pandai potong cake sendiri :p Anyway, he has quite a sweet tooth for cakes la..not that good. He really enjoys it when celebrating birthdays at his nursery I guess. I think thats where he gets his fondness for cakes kot. Tak pon memang every kids loves cakes? Hurmmm.

Anyway, for his birthday haritu he got a bike and a car. A Ben10 bike from TokMa and TokBa which he has yet to learn to ride on, now he can only pedal halfway..nak full circle not yet. He also got a car..a yellow Mini Cooper mind you from MakLong. He loves playing on it. Takdela pandai control sangat the car tu..die pakai tekan-tekan the remote and then the car will pusing-pusing gerak sane sini depan-belakang kiri-kanan die dah excited. Haha. I have to take a pic of him playing. So cute with his tiny hands and the tiny car, just right for his size :p

We also went for a birthday trip to Kuching. I booked the flight tickets like a year ago kot. It costs RM0.10 je. Murah kan? Overall, RM45 plus tax for 3 person for a return trip by AirAsia. Haha. Saje je nak bawak Aqil jalan2 naik plane. Naik AirAsia you can get to see the plane up close and personal. I thought he would love it and indeed he did. Mama 'belanja'ed the hotel stay sempena Aqil's and my birthday. Why Kuching? Well, hubby wanted to cukupkan his visits to all the states in Malaysia. Kuching is his last stop and complete dah all the states. I have a state left yet to visit. Kelantan. Kesian kan dah 27years tak pernah nak menjejakkan kaki kat sane? Huhu.

Me: Aqil suke naik plane??
Aqil: SUKE!! Nak lagiii~

I was in my 32weeks of pregnancy back then, at first ingat tak nak pegi because I'm too far along. The regulations allows pregnant woman to board up until 35weeks but since I haven't made any plans to celebrate Aqil's birthday at that time and die macam sangat fascinated with airplanes, I decided just to go. Alhamdulillah nothing happened while in Kuching or onboard the plane. Takut jugak if the pressure made me terberanak awal or ape. Hehe. But the week back tu I was feeling uneasy and macam tak larat nak jalan. Tula..nak sangat pegi kan. Huhu. Don't know la because of the pressure thingy ke or banyak berjalan kt Kuching tu yang buat I feel like that. Haisyhhh. Takpe..next time I know better :p

Anyway, we stayed at The Pullman Hotel Kuching. Best!! Great service..room got upgraded summore. I took the deal where you have to write a review on travelling in Malaysia and then can get complimentary breakfast and free in-room internet. Apela sangat writing a simple review for free breakfast and internet kan? Hehe. Regardless it was a business hotel, it was very child friendly. Pricewise pon okay. Definitely recommended for anyone going to Kuching. 

Pictures credited to their website. Since being a mom ni, I don't get to take pictures as much as I would love to. Brought the camera along but last-last guna camera iphone jugak. Huhu. Busy sangat tending to Aqil ke hah? Have since then let go of the camera. Haihh.

Anyways..Happy Birthday Aqil~

Mama loves you!!

XoXo

My little boy

I miss him. My little boy...my little baby. He's nearly 2 years old now. Not so little anymore. Owh..how time flies~ Rinduuuuuuu~

Aqil enjoying himself (aka...tolong "kemas") at MPH One Utama.
He's so busy..always on the move..nak amek gambar pon susah..a blur je :p

He enjoys going out. Going to parks. Going to playgrounds. Going to malls. Going to bookstores. Going to mosques (he calls it 'ajid', which is pelat for masjid :p). He likes to eat out. He likes to go on train (LRT) rides. He's fascinated with airplanes. Currently he wants to go for a ride on a bus (which I have yet to fulfill). He thinks that every lorry carries chickens because once I showed him a lorry full of chickens and thinks that lorries are for chickens. His current addiction is watching Barney - Let's go to the Zoo dvd. His favourite fruit right now are grapes. His fave food: nasi and ayam goreng drumstick and kicap. He likes playing ball..kicking the ball..throwing and catching not so much. He likes playing badminton with his short tiny racket. He loves swimming at school and at home. He loves to 'buat rumah' with his Duplo. He recognizes KLCC and always says "NAK!" whenever he sees it looming somewhere. He likes making animal noises. His favourite phrase is "Nak Mama~" :p

Sometimes he can be so adorable but at times he can be quite difficult. He's reaching the terrible two age next month. Sometimes I feel that I'm afraid of my own kid. Afraid as in I don't know exactly how to act or what to do when he acts up. Hehe. Alhamdulillah...he doesn't act up as much but sometimes when he does..it can be soo testing. All in all...I love my baby. I still see him as my baby even though he's nearly two and is to become an Abang now. Can't wait to see him as an Abang but at the same time I still want him to be my baby. Haiihhh. Anyway...the ups and downs of motherhood of being a parent...the joys...the cries...the laughter...the stress...the fatigue is all worth it when you see your child grow up..see him making you laugh..his cute little antics...PRICELESS~ :)

Aqil Rafiq - Post Birth

I didn't get to see my baby in the OT. I only heard him cry. Hilmi said while he was away, he azankan the baby and watched the pediatrician clean the baby and did the Apgar test. By this time I was wheeled back to my room. Hilmi soon came after.I still didn't believe that the surgery happened soo fast. All it took was like 15mins kot. Because I had local anaesthetic, I couldn't move much and was needed to lie down je. Felt a bit groggy too..don't know whether from the anaesthesia or from the morphin which I keep on pressing whenever I feel sakit. Tak larat nak buat apa-apa, so Hilmi made the calls and told our families and friends that mom and baby is safe and sound. Alhamdulillah the hardest part is over. Thank you for everyone's doa and well wishes :)

The morphine-drip-machine thingy.

My parents and Didi came during lunch to check on me and the baby. They are now proud Atuk and Nenek and a MakDee. Around 1pm only did I get to see my baby.

 Hello world~ Welcome to the world Aqil Rafiq Ahmad Zulhilmi :)

You are so peaceful in your sleep.

Awake and ready for the camera :)

Only now do I get to hold you :)

First time granparents...first time mom~

Even when I'm away on maternity leave, I get this view from my window (after zooming in of course) :p

Love you Aqil~ May you grow up to be a good Muslim, a soleh boy with a kind heart, helpful and compassionate to others, wise and intelligent to brave the world as a good khalifah of Allah..inshaAllah~

Aqil Rafiq - Birth Story

I've been posting a lot of posts on Aqil lately. I haven't had the chance to blog since Aqil came along. I just hope that I remembered each moment correctly. Pregnancy, giving birth and motherhood is one of the biggest life-changing experience that one can endure. Once you turn MAK, you'll never turn back..hehe.

Okay..so where did I left off. Hurm..okay. I was scheduled to be induced on Friday morning 14th May 2010 because my baby at that time was not moving as frequently as the doctor would have liked. Throughout the 9months, I was having some sort of trouble determining if my baby just kicked or moved ke apa. I never could do the self-check thingy in the pregnancy record book where you jot down how many times the baby moved in 1 day. Either I memang oblivious and tak perasaan if the baby moves or either my perut tebal sangat (aka I have lemak perut soo thick yang sampai tak rase baby gerak-gerak) or the amniotic fluid in my tummy ni macam banyak sangat. I don't know la why but because of that I rarely feel my baby moving. Of coursela sometimes I would feel him kicking or moving, usually at night when I'm in bed getting ready to sleep but during the day..amatla jarang. I think Aqil was a night owl, only awake and active at night..nocturnal habis la :p Voiced my concerns to the doctor but alhamdulillah after doing the ultrasound and checking and stuff the baby looks healthy.

So anyway, I think nearing 9 months, the baby should have been more active kot..but to avoid any complications, Dr Ariza decided to have me induced 2 weeks early.

So we told the family that I will be warded early Friday morning. Did last minute preparing stuff, repacked the hospital bag, last minute reading and birth exercises, last minute eating and such before kena berpantang. Hohoh. So at around 3 am Friday morning tu, with Hilmi in tow, I checked in to Ampang Puteri. Checked in ke? Admitted myself? Anyway..I registered at the Emergency Unit with the doctor's letter for admission yang die dah bagi since week 36 if not mistaken in case things happened sooner than expected.

Was put in an 8 person room because the single rooms were fully occupied. I thought since I was scheduled to be warded that morning, I expected that they had a room ready or the single rooms would be available since I stated that I wanted a single room earlier that Monday. I don't know la..maybe I should have confirmed before coming ke apa or memang the room arrangements macam tu based on a first come first serve basis..I didn't know. It was my first time being admitted into hospital. After deliver baru dapat yang single room punye. I wasn't happy because yang for the 8-bed room ni, you can't have your husband to teman you. I mean can you imagine? Sorang-sorang not knowing what to expect. Huhuuu T_T

Anyway, after I was shown to my room (Hilmi was still with me, but couldn't stay for long), the nurses did their thing..check up and stuff and induced me. The inducing part was not pretty. I assumed they would give me a shot or I would have to have to telan a pill or something but boy was I wrong. So after I was induced, the contractions started. And my-oh-my was I in for a treat!! Between a c-section and a contraction, contractions are the most painful. T_T

How to describe the feeling of a contraction eh? Hurmm. The feeling..it was intense, painful. It feels like your insides are trying to scrunch up into this teeny weeny ball. Its like your perut  tu..dalam dia is like a sponge and someone is squeezing with all their might with their fist, letting it go, then squeezing again. At the same time, your insides macam mencucuk-cucuk. It was sakit..I guess macam menstrual cramps but times that by a thousand gazillion kot. All I wanted to do was bring up my knees and baring in a curl up position. 

Because all this time I was connected to a CTG machine to check the baby's heartbeat, I moved and wriggled quite a lot in bed to tahan the sakit (at this time I was alone, Hilmi went back home to rest and after Subuh he'll come back). And because of that, i think the CTG readings wasn't as 'pretty' as the nurses would liked it to be. I think me wriggling and struggling in bed made the readings lari-lari because the thingy connected to the CTG pon kinda lari-lari from my tummy. Had to redo taking the baby's readings a few times la jugak. My bad I wriggled and moved so much. Huhu.

In the morning, around 9am macam tu, Dr Ariza came and did her rounds. I was only about 2-3cm's dilated. She said the baby's heartbeat was staggered and not so strong so she suggested to do an emergency c-sect in fear of the baby's safety. Dalam hati, I was a bit disappointed because I wanted to deliver normally. I was also disappointed at myself for moving and wriggling so much during the CTG. If only I hadn't move as much maybe the readings would be better and I wouldn't have to go for a c-sect. But at the same time, the doctor had a point. I guess she knows waaaayyy better than I do and I wouldn't want anything bad happen to my baby. So c-sect it is~

A while later around 9.45am macam tu, the nurses came and  to take me to the OT.  I was asked to lie down on the bed while they wheeled me. Eeeekkk..takuuutt~ At this time I started to recite doa's and anything to keep my jitters down. Hilmi also get to tag along to the OT and watch and take pictures. (Hilmi isn't the snapping-pictures kinda guy so I didn't get any pictures pon in the OT. Huhu. Next time, I should just ask him to take a video of the whole process instead. I wanted to watch and see how it goes.)

So when we reached the OT, Hilmi was off somewhere getting scrubbed in. The OT was brightly lit and all I can remember was WOW putihnya~ If you watch Greys Anatomy kan the OT macam gelap and dark and they have like a spotlight on the patient. But here, the room was brightly lit and had 'Hellllooooo Good Morning~' chirpy kinda feel to it. Maybe because they had the radio on to what station entah..hot.fm kot..I wasn't paying that much attention.

After a while, I was aksed to sit up on the operating table and then the anaesthetist came and cucuk my tulang belakang. I had spinal anaesthetic. After that I lied down, and then the nurses kot strapped down both my hands. Dr Ariza and Hilmi then came in. It all happened so quickly. I didn't feel a thing pon. With a Bismillah, Dr Ariza did an incision (I of course didn't feel a thing...I wouldn't have known that she already started if  not for the Bismillah :p). Seconds after that, another person came and tekan-tekan my perut to get the baby out (yang ni orang ni buat macam ganas sikit..rase macam tumbuk perut je...that one I feel) and seconds later..I heard the baby crying. Alhamdulillah. Dr Ariza said Assalamualaikum to the baby and welcomed him into the world.. No words could describe how I felt at that time laying there motionless. Hilmi said he had to go somewhere with the baby. I heard the baby being taken away and crying in the distance. Dr Ariza said that she wanted to sew the cut. While she did her stuff, I lay there, still not believing everything in spite what happened. Everything happened sooo fast. This was all surreal.  Alhamdulillah, on that day, Friday the 14th, May 2010 at exactly 10.13am, my baby was born and I've finally became a mom :)

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part II

Continued from last post...

2-3 months

I was feeling quite normal. Have to eat at the right time and not skip meals. I was eating in between meals quite a lot too. My appetite was back to normal or maybe slightly higher. I would go down to the cafe for tea and buy kuihs or/and ice cream or/and fruits. Heheh. Nasib baik cafe kat bawah and kerja kilang so ade banyak shift breaks..I think I turun for all shift breaks kot :p Didn't really spread the news except to close friends and family. I was still in the early stages of pregnancy and didn't want to jinx it.

Morning sickness started to kick in. But for me it wasn't in the mornings. It was in the evenings after I came back from work. Tak sempat nak sampai rumah from work, I was a regular visitor of JJ AU2's toilet since that was the only clean and respectable toilet that I would allow myself to throw up in. Since dulu I have this 'perut masuk angin' complications. Sometimes I didn't know I threw up because of perut masuk angin or because of my pregnancy.

4 months

Went for my first Ante-natal Checkup. Surveyed a few hospitals for my delivery nanti. Considered An-Nur or Az-Zahrah Bangi because I like the Islamic environment...they pasang zikir or bacaan al-Quran while at the labour room. Last time I checked, it costs around RM2200 - 2400. But since I live in Wangsa Maju and work in Ulu Kelang, I decided to go for hospitals nearby takut apa-apa. Looked up Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital and their delivery packages aren't bad la..around RM2700 for normal delivery. Masa ni we just harap-harap tak kene c-sect, tak tau berape..lari budget nanti :p Supposedly every pregnant mothers need to register their pregnancy at Klinik Kesihatan kerajaan and do at least 1 checkup there but I didn't and did the first ante natal with Dr Ariza of Ampang Puteri. She reminded me of my mom, was quite comfortable with her being my O&G doctor. Was given iron, folic acid and calcium supplements for the mom and baby.

5 months

Got to know the baby's gender after doing the ultra sound. Alhamdulillah it's a BOY~ I've always wanted my first born to be a boy..yeayyy :)

Picture of his legs and in-betweens..from angle bawah.

His head sama besar with his body :p

Cravings: Laksa kedah. The best would be Laksa Kedah at Sekyen 4 Tambahan Bangi. Sanggup tu pegi cari. Yums~ Weird craving lain takde..thank God :p Walking long distances..even to the carpark from my office was becoming a hassle and very tiring..but was needed as a daily form of exercise.

My feet started swelling and bloating due to water retention. I was getting restless at night as finding the right position to sleep was a hassle. Sakit belakang also started to kick in. Weight wise, masa ni dah start to be directly proportional to the months. Haiih. Masa first 2 months tu je kot macam ada turun sikit because tak lalu sangat nak makan.

6 months

This is where the 'fun' starts. Heheh. Because I was carrying a boy, and because it was my first pregnancy, the male fetal DNA could act as a skin irritant to the mom. Kiranya DNA baby boy is somewhat incompatible with DNA perempuan mak die. This usually affects the mom if its a first pregnancy and the baby is a boy. I guess I'm the lucky 1% yang gets affected with this. Huhu. So what I got was skin irritations..and rashes...plus the weather was really hot at that time. Had to pasang air-cond kat rumah just because of that. Some say it was 'pembawaan budak'. Anyway..because of that I asked the doctor if I could work from home as going out and getting ready for work was becoming quite uncomfortable for me. Duduk rumah senang..I can wear the most comfiest PJ's and tshirt. Fortunately, my bosses were very understanding and allowed me to work from home till I deliver. Luckily, doing programming doesn't need you to come to the office to get the work done :p

Did a 3D scan around this time.

The pictures were a bit 'alien-ish'. Tapi Subhanallah..even dalam perut, kita dah boleh tengok baby..how he looks like. Can't wait to see the baby.

7 months

My 'evening sickness' gradually stopped. I would only throw up if I didn't watch what I was eating and biar my perut masuk angin.

Started buying and getting things ready for the baby. Shopping for baby stuff was what I like most :) Re-read the baby books to make sure that I will be well prepared. Agak takutla to go into labour. Huhu.

8 months

Counting the days bila la nak keluar baby ni. Tak sabar rasenye. Tak sabar to see my little bundle of joy. Tak sabar nak keluarkan baby yg besar and berat ini from my tummy. My perut started to keras and expand rase macam boleh meletup anytime. Started to feel the braxton hicks contraction at about this time.

Went out for the last time for Mother's Day dinner on 9th May 2010. Had dinner at Sg. Buloh with Hilmi's family and then later to Tarbush with mine's. It was a busy weekend. That Monday, had ante-natal checkup ..doctor did a CTG to check the baby's heartbeat. It was normal but when the doctor asked if the baby moved a lot..i said no. From what I noticed, my baby kurang sikit gerak-gerak dalam perut. People say die banyak tido je like mom die. But the doctor didn't want to take any chances, so she decided to have me induced that Friday and go into labour to avoid any complications. I will be in my 38 weeks..time to get that baby out~ Eeeek~

I will continue on the next post for the birth story...sekian :p

Aqil Rafiq - The Pregnancy Part I

It's been about approximately 1 year and 2 weeks since I became a mom. It has been an overwhelming experience..full of ups and downs. Thankfully I have my hubby, family and friends by my side each step of the way. Thank u all~ I couldn't have done it without everyone:) After about 1 year baru I can breath sikit and seem to get hold of things...or so I thought la :p

Since I have been 'preoccupied' before this, I haven't shared the birth story of Aqil Rafiq yet. Maybe I need to write some intro on my pregnancy first before going into the birth story. I might as well jot it down here for future references..for myself or for anyone of you readers who are reading :p Plus..people have been asking the million dollar question.."Bile Aqil nak dapat adik?"

So here goes..right from the start...(its going to be a long one..layankan aje my mood nak tulis ok :p)..

I had a fairly ok..somewhat regular pregnancy experience...Alhamdulillah. Mom and baby was healthy and I was just counting down the months till my expected due date (EDD) 28th of May 2010.

1st month

I expected something was up as I was easily tired. I get back from work..did Maghrib prayer and while waiting for dinner I was already fast asleep. My work schedule remained the same and yet I was too tired to even have dinner and would be sound asleep by 7.30pm. I thought I was not feeling well and would just bertahan for a while. This happened for about a week. The idea that I might be pregnant did came popping up in my head. Uh-oh. We talked about this a few times but there was never a conclusion about how we would take things. Questions would always be left hanging as we thought we would still have time to think this through.Well..I guess not. Anyway..I decided to buy a self pregnancy test while we were at Midvalley waiting to watch a movie. Bought it at Guardian and I felt all grown up while browsing through the pregnancy kits to find out which one is the most reliable while reading the instruction on the back of the box on how to use etc. First time experience katakan. Haha.

I chose this one...the Dip 'N' Tell Midstream Pregnancy Test. Didn't know that pregnancy tests ada banyak jenis and cost this much...ingatkan murah je :p Chose the not-so-cheap and not-so-expensive one costs around RM20 kot..ada yang lagi mahal..even yang digital pon ada. But I will just pee on it anyway..buat apa mahal-mahal..if it turns out negative lagi la membazir.

All throughout the movie tu I coudn't wait to get home and do the test. Unfortunately, we got home late at night and only the next morning before work was I able to do the test...aaaaannndddd...it turns out.....

Double line....all at once a mixed of feelings came rushing in...unprepared...scared...excited...happy...tak percaye..but all in all...Alhamdulillah~ I'm going to be a mom..yeayyy~ :)

Went to the clinic later to confirm it and I was about 3-4 weeks pregnant. Still early. From what I remembered during the 1st month tu..my appetite was low (tak penah-penahnyee :p).

I guess I'll continue later. I have up to 9 months to keep on rambling about :p

Aqil Rafiq turns 1 :)

A year ago...Aqil Rafiq Ahmad Zulhilmi was born. Happy Birthday Aqil~ :)

Time flies ever sooo fast. I rarely have the time to blog but for this special occasion, this entry is for you Aqil~

Mama loves you~
x0x0