Adil Imran - Post Birth

Spent the nights at the hospital with my mom. It was during short sem, so she had few classes and work was a bit flexible. Thank you Mama for temaning me :) Did's was busy with her practical training at Sony Bangi so cannot be my caregiver and penjaga pantang this time around :( Hils spent the night with Aqil at home. That following morning after sending Aqil to nursery, baru he came to the hospital.

Nak buat review sikit about the room. Since the single room was full masa nak admit tu, hubs amek the VIP room. It was nice and spacious. The room itself was big, with bed and adjoining toilet with bath and shower, tv, dresser, sofa bed and chairs. Plus die ade like a living/dining place outside where ade sofa set, dining table and kitchenet with microwave, sink and fridge. Unnecessary things. Bukannya guna sangat pon sume tu. I don't exactly remember the price per night tapinya. But apa yang I tau, sebest mana your room, if you are the patient, you will still feel uncomfortable and tak selesa and longing for your bed at home. I missed my bed dearly masa kena duduk kat hospital haritu. The hospital bed dahla single, nak baring with baby to bfeed   not that comfortable la. Sebab I kena operate, movements masa mula-mula tu agak limited la sikit. Nak pusing kiri kanan pon susah. Huuu~ Orang yang dah pernah kena caesar je faham :(

VIP room at Ampang Puteri maternity ward. Pics courtesy of hubby.

Since I had gone for the operation at night, I had about a night's rest for the drugs to wear off. That morning tu, I woke up feeling my lower body as the night before masa nak tido tu still rasa numb. The nurse and doc advises me to gerak and get out of bed as much as I can to improve blood circulation. By noon, I dah bangun and mandi-manda dah. Alhamdulillah, this time around I recovered pretty quickly from the operation. Doctor and nurses pon impressed. Diorang kata jarang orang 1st day dah boleh bangun jalan-jalan like I did. Maybe because I dah tau what to expect, but I guess the main reason is I nak cepat baik so I can get keluar hospital ASAP. Huhu. That 1st night tu, I slept macam tak sedar diri jugakla cos of the drugs kan. But the following day tu, nak nap sangatla tak selesa. 2nd night pon tido tak nyenyak, I keep on tossing and turning in bed je. Haiih. So cannot wait to go home.

Dulu masa Aqil, I had a morning operation, at 10-ish AM. So I spent the whole day dozing off because of the drugs. I banyak picit the morphine button sebab konon sakit. I used morphine for the painkiller. Malam pon of course la tido lagi la kan sebab dah malam. So the morning after tu, I was sangatlah rimas and badan rasa lemah because I spent like about 24hours terbaring je. Belakang pon rase tak selesa dah macam lekat-lekat kat tilam..eeuuww :p This time, I cuba kuatkan semangat so as not to rely on the morphine so much. Alhamdulillah ok je. Dulu je gedik, sikit-sikit nak picit. Yelaa..kata first time beranak :p So the next time around InshaAllah if ada rezeki for baby number 3, I nak schedule my operation late evening or at night. I think lagi cepat nak recover. That malam tu can rest and sleep. Esoknya can try to slowly bangun and gerak-gerak. Nak turun dari katil the 1st time memang a major step. Kena do it slowly, but once dah bangun from the bed InshaAllah ok. Alhamdulillah my mom also had experience kena caesar so she really understands and banyak bagi tips. Hehe.

I spent 2 days and 2 nights in the hospital. Supposedly can be discharged on Thursday, but on Wednesday tu I asked the doctor if I can go back home. I was uncomfortable duduk lama-lama kat situ. Hospital best if kita jadi visitors je, if jadi patient sebest mana hospital pon, still tak akan best jugak. After the doc examined by wound, I berjaya di let off early. Yeayyy~ I think I can recover much faster at home. Had to wait for quite a bit for them to get the bill ready. Total cost for delivery charges at Ampang Puteri for elective caesarean for 2 days and 2 nights stay at the VIP room was about RM9k plus. Huhu. Because it was an elective c-sect, it was a bit cheaper if compared to emergency c-sect. Dulu masa Aqil, 2 years back it was about RM8k for an emergency c-sect plus kena induce summore.

So on Wednesday evening tu, with the baby in tow, kitorang pon balik lah Wangsa Maju for the sesi berpantang. Decided to berpantang sendiri je at home because senang Aqil nak pegi school pagi-pagi. If from Bangi agak jauh, plus takde siapa pon yang nak jaga I kat Bangi tu, everyone was working. Huhu. Besides, I decided that I will be more comfortable at home. Because ada Aqil, this time around I didn't get to be spoilt like before. It's not just the baby that I had to think of, had to consider Aqil as well.

Dulu masa tengah tunggu baby nak pop out tu, I couldn't help but kept on praying that I would deliver siang and on a weekday masa Aqil kat nursery. Takdela die miss I sangat if I were gone nanti. Pagi pegi nursery, balek-balek dah ada baby dah. Hehe. The whole time masa kat hospital tu, I was missing him badly. Yelah, before this tak pernah separate kan. So because of that, automatically I became stronger both mentally and physically to endure that post birth stage, in the hospital and at home. Kena put in my head nak cepat sihat and baik not only for me, but also for Aqil. Plus, ni bukannya 1st time pon kan. Should be OK taking care of a baby. Kalau dulu, masa dengan Aqil maybe I wasn't as strong as now.

Motherhood really makes you grow up and be more mature (at some level la..sometimes rase kebudak-budakkan tu masih ade..huhu). Alhamdulillah, You made me go through all of this with ease (ease and easy lain ye :p) and with a great support system. I am fully blessed. Of course there were the ups and downs, but the ups definitely over weigh the downs :)

My Precious.
My Double A's.
Big A and Little A ❤

Adil Imran - Birth Story Part II

So there I was, laying on the bed while the nurse pushed me down to the OT. She had quite a time to push and pull the bed with me on it until sampai the OT. The most difficult part masa nak masuk dalam lift. Dalam hati rasa macam nak bangun from the bed and tolong je die. I baring lagila berat kan. Huhu. Anyways, I arrived at the OT quite early. They were still prepping here and there getting things ready. This time the OT room was smaller than masa Aqil's. Masa Aqil dulu, I sampai-sampai je everything was ready. Now, I sempat lah tengok the ins and outs apa orang buat before an operation. Susun-susun scalpels and whatnots, bukak plastic tu bukak plastic ni, susun gauzes ke ape entah. I tengok jelah. Quite busy jugakla diorang nak siap-siap tu. And then the anaesthetist pon came in, Dr Hashim if I'm not mistaken. It was the same doctor as before, mase I had Aqil. Again I knew what to expect but at the same time I was still jittery kecut-kecut perut skit. Hils was still not there :(

Adil Imran - Day 3

The anaesthetist borak-borak with orang sekeliling tanya doctor dah sampai ke belom die dah nak cucuk dah ni. He was very talkative and cheery. Die takot if he started, doctor sampai lambat and then the drug will wear off. Uihh. Lagilah takot I mendengarnya. But he was only joking and kidding around. From what I heard, it seemed that Dr Ariza was in KLCC and was running a bit late because jalan jammed. From waiting and listening to them talking I also got to know that Dr Ariza's house is only like 5mins away from Ampang Puteri, near Kayu and Petronas kat belakang hospital ni. Hehe. Takde keje, I dengar jela ape diorang borak-borak tu. It was nearing 8 oclock, Dr Hashim pon dah nak start. First, he connected me to an IV thingy and kena tunggu that 1 bag of ubat habes masuk dulu. After that, he instructed me to sit up. Die letak antiseptic kot benda yang color brown-brown tu on my back and started to find a nerve to cucuk at my spine as I was having spinal anaesthetic. It was quite easy to cucuk me. And as I remembered from Aqil's time dulu it was a bit uncomfortable, sakit sikit lah. I saw the doc prepping the needle and macam takot je tgk the needle tu..panjang. But Alhamdulillah I have high pain tolerance and am not that afraid of needles. After the doc was done, I pon baring balik. In an instant, my legs started feeling tingly and not long after I couldn't feel them dah.

At 8pm, Hils was still not there yet. I dah start risau. Dulu, he was with me mase nk wheel me down to the OT. But this time, since tadi die hantar Aqil, the nurse dah jalan dulu. Did he know that he was supposed to come down and teman me here? Dia tau ke nak pegi mana? Huhu. With Hils, most of the things you kena double check and ingatkan dia, plus him and directions are not exactly BFFs. I dah sedih-sedih dah ingatkan he wasn't coming. Told one of the nurses to panggilkan the husband. But not long after, in he came...all scrubbed up...wearing a scrub in orange complete with an orange scrub cap. Nampak macam escape convict or even a clown pon ada :p My heart melted and I was relieved. Naseb baek dear hubby tau nak kene temankan I :) Everyone was wearing either blue or green, die je orange. If I had a phone with me, I would snap a pic of him. Hahah.

Pic courtesy of mr google.

So in hubs came and sat down at the stool near my head while holding my hand yang telah dilentangkan wide apart. Dr Ariza pon arrived moments later and she was ready to get down to business. Sempat buat lawak lagi tanya betul ke ni patient die sambil taking a peek at my face. Takot terpotong salah orang :p A screen was put up at my neck so I wouldn't get to see what's going on down below. I kept asking Hils for updates but die pon macam takot nak tengok sangat. All he could see was a lot of blood. Dulu masa Aqil, I asked him to take photos in the OT but apparently takde pon. He said he doesn't like blood or the sight of it. Tengok cerita gory boleh pulak. This time around I asked him to take videos. Just hold up the camera kat tempat perut tu. Die taknak tengok pon takpe. I yang teringin nak tengok what was happening. But this time, better la sikit, got 1 pic in the OT which I already posted in a previous post. Jadilaa..huhu.

Dr Ariza was doing her thing when as expected, tiba-tiba je baby dah keluar..tak rasa apa pon. At 8.13pm, Adil Imran was born. This time I get to see him as the place where they attended to the baby was in my line of sight. After the baby came, Hils then followed the baby and doctor somewhere while Dr Ariza stitched me up. In the OT, I was feeling a bit queasy. Kepala rasa berat and macam pening-pening sikit. Like when you go for a sauna or jacuzzi. Maybe it was because this time, they put kind of like a heater thingy under the sheets near my neck tu. Diorang tanye I sejuk tak and I said yes so tula diorang letak heater tu. But the direct heat tu made me feel uncomfortable and pening-pening and queasy. After all was done, I did recovery at the OT instead of the recovery room and watched while they cleaned up. Watched apa yang boleh while terbaring like that. After a while, they then wheeled me back to my room.

By the time I was wheeled back to my room, it was about 9pm. Hils family was already there. Aqil tengok je I terbaring like that macam tak tau what was happening. My family was on the way. They were all waiting to see the baby.  After my family arrived, baby pon sampai. Everyone kerumun around the baby. At that time I was shivering a bit. Sejuk. My teeth were chattering. My mom said I kena bentan sikit. But I was shivering uncontrollably. After like half an hour like that and from the help from a hot water bottle baru I ok and stopped shivering. Huhu. I rase ok je but orang lain yang macam risau-risau. So around 10 something they all went back. I wanted Hils to spend the night but nanti Aqil macam mana kan. So my mom spent the night. Baby pon with me since I breastfeed, baby kena rooming in. At that time, my waist down was still numb and I couldn't feel a thing. My mom yang kena bring the baby to me to bfeed. I am blessed to have very supportive families, Alhamdulillah. Thank you all~

Blast from the past: Aqil Rafiq - Birth Story

Adil Imran - Birth Story Part I

It's been 3 months plus since I gave birth. This time around it feels my memories of Adil's birth was kind of a haze. I blame it on being under anaesthetic twice. Dulu can blame it on pregnancy brain...not anymore. Huhu. Anyway, before I forget, here's a recap. Nanti Adil dah besar he can baca..hopefully this blog will still exist lah. Haha.

On Monday, 25th June 2012, I came in for my regular check up. Since I did the MRI scan before and it determined that my pelvic bone was capable of VBAC, Dr Ariza said I might have to be induced by the end of that week to quicken things up. I was 39 weeks along that week. After doing consultation at her desk, it was time for the ultrasound next. Scan punye scan, it seemed that the baby's approximate weight was 3.8kg. After wiping my tummy from the gel thingy, Dr Ariza said in a grave tone "Okay, we have to talk." Dalam hati "O-oh~". After I got down from the table/tempat baring, we sat back down at the desk.

The doc said that the baby has been progressing relatively well in terms of weight. From the scan she also showed that my uterus wall has been thinning at the place of the previous scar. She said that I can go for normal delivery but there are risks if I get induced as my baby is quite big and because I had underwent a c-sect before, there was a possibility of uterine rupture. This could be fatal for the baby. If tak induce and tunggu baby keluar dengan sendirinya, takut by then baby lagi besar and this could cause further stress and strain to the uterus. She asked how I wanted to proceed. To be honest, I pon don't know how I should proceed. I asked on what her suggestion was and she said she would like to opt for an elective caesar. Nak be persistent sangat nak go for normal delivery, I pon takotla jugak cos the risks are there. But yang penting, baby dapat keluar dengan selamatnya. So we then decided to go for an elective lower segment caesarean section (EL LSCS). The proposed date was on that Thursday, 28th June. 3 days to get myself ready. Huhu. Before going back tu, Dr Ariza asked if baby still gerak-gerak as usual ke tak. I said tak sangat because I can rarely feel him kicking and moving like before. Maybe because die dah snug in my belly kot. Before ni, memang I can feel every kick and movements because baby memang kuat kick unlike Aqil dulu. So doc advised to go do a CTG first before going back.

3 days before delivery. HU-ugeee!!~ Tak larat dah nak bawak perut. Brought the baby book everywhere to prep myself up. Nervous~ 

So after meeting with the doc tu, we went to the Labour Ward of Ampang Puteri to do the CTG. The labour room was comfy. Had to lie down for about half an hour for the reading. By that time it was 3-something PM. Nurse then came in to take the readings and then told me to wait for a while for the doctor's orders. Hilmi was by my side the whole time. We talked about our foiled attempt to make the baby come out on that Monday by jalan-jalan the whole day Sunday at The Curve yang tak membuahkan hasil. Huhu. It was our first time bawak Aqil to the movies tengok Madagascar 3. Aqil slept like half and hour into the movie kot. Went with KakLong and family and Dina and Dalila. Sempatlah makan kat Manhattan Fish Market before kena berpantang. Later met up with the parent in-laws and stayed there sampai malam. Little did we know that it was our final outing just the 3 of us. Lepas ni dah jadi empat :)

@Thanks Dina for the polaroid :)

At about 4 something, Dr Ariza came in. She said that from the CTG results, it looks that I've been having some severe contractions. I was like "Eh, ye ke? Tak rase pon..tak rase sakit pon." but takkan la the machine salah pulak kan. So the doc said since I'm having contractions now, to prevent from anything bad happening she suggested to do the operation today. Alamak~ So sudden. Doctor cakap just nak tunggu a slot for the OT, maybe sometime later in the evening. Late petang maybe 6 or 7pm. Double alamak. I was so not ready. Huhu. Called family members on the update. I was nervous. Even though dah second time around and I know what to expect, I was still nervous because I was caught by surprise at the abruptness and timing. So there I was waiting anxiously in the labour room while wearing the sexy operation baju. At 6 something Hils went to fetch Aqil at nursery. Good thing everything is nearby. Hils family arrived after work, nearing 7 like that. After Maghrib around 7.30pm, the nurse came in to wheel me down to the OT. Hils went out to take Aqil to his family. It all happened so quick. Didn't have the time to remind Hils to come down to the OT with me. I just have to assume he knew la that I wanted him in there. Before tu, while waiting dah sesi bermaafan dah. Huhu.

Macam panjang la pulak....to be continued later...

Missing Big A

Life is good Alhamdulillah what with the new baby and all. I think I've adjusted with Adil's schedule..more or less :p I admit sometimes I do get the occasional panda eyes from tending to Little A in the wee hours of the morning. But Alhamdulillah it's not that often. Little A's a peaceful quiet baby Alhamdulillah.

On the other hand, I'm missing Aqil badly. My parents came to visit earlier and they took Aqil for the night to sleepover at Bangi. For the 25 months 3 weeks of his life, Aqil has never spent the night without at least one of his parents around. I've never had to separate from him during the nights ever before this. Well..except last 2 weeks while I was in hospital after delivering Adil. At that time it had to be done because takkan nak suruh Aqil tido kat hospital pulak kan...kesian je die nanti. Besides, I was too drowsy and in pain that I didn't have the time to bersedih-sedih. Plus, H was looking after him so I know that he'll be ok at home with his Abah. He slept with H for 2 nights without me and luckily I was discharged on the 3rd day and get to go back to home sweet home.

And now, as I am typing this, Aqil is in Bangi with his grandparents and aunties. He was so excited to get to follow them back tadi. Mama yang sedih tau. H macam takde perasaan sangat. When I voiced out my kesedihan to him, he said "Aqil's a big boy now. You have to let him go. Macam citer Nemo tu (Aqil's favourite cartoon at the moment)." Huhu. Yelaa..I know he's a big boy and I have to let him go some time or other. But does it have to be now?? Huhu.

Sedih :(

Missing Big A...my big baby Aqil. Although he's an abang now...he'll always be my little baby. 

Baby is here!

Alhamdulillah...all is well.

So much to write about.

So much to let out.

So much on my mind.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuu~~~

*deep breaths*

Meanwhile.....

Welcome to the world baby Adil :)

Assalamualaikum

Fresh from the oven..pic taken by H in the OT.

37 weeks

Being a night owl nowadays see me blogging more and more. Malam-malam sorang-sorang tak tau nak buat ape..huhu.

Last week I was supposed to have my 36 weeks checkup with Dr Ariza but the hospital called to postpone to this week instead because the doctor had something going on. So this week I'm in my 37 weeks. Doc said the babys' head is already engaged. She asked if I had any contractions and I said nope. The most intense contractions that I had was the week when I got back from Kuching but now nada, zilch, zero. Maybe a bit of tummy mengeras here and there but I didn't acknowledge it as contractions as it was too mild.

Baby's estimated weight is now 3.5kg, doc says quite big for 37 weeks. Will have to come in next week to reassess and see if baby is getting bigger or not. As I had a previous c-sect, doc doesn't want me to push too hard if the baby's big. Will put a lot of pressure on the incision nanti. Max can go for normal delivery is 3.8kg. Huhu. Hope baby won't be too big...or else cut-cut la lagi. Sooo wanting for a normal delivery right now. Just have to make lots of doa. Allah knows best. Tengah a bit cuak thinking about delivery and stuff. Been googling a lot on other people's birth stories and experiences. Huhuhu.

Aqil on the other hand is slightly feverish. He also has some red rashes on his face. I'm a bit worried if it's chicken pox or denggi ke ape. But Alhamdulillah I don't see it anywhere else on his body. Just his face. Maybe rashes because of the heat kot. Anyway, it's been 2 days die macam ada temperature..been giving him paracetamol at nursery. At night dah takdela panas sangat..only a bit warm je. Tonight pon nampak macam dah tak panas badan. Hope Aqil will soon be fine inshaAllah. It will be quite a handful if Aqil gets sick right now on top of my anxiety to deliver lagi. Not a good combo.

Aqil (Oct 2011) @Molly Fantasyland. His favourite place EVER!! :p

Been watching Aqil sleeping soundly. Every kid/baby I guess muke tenang je mase tido...innocent. So peaceful kan the face? Rase rindu pulak dekat die even though I'm staring at him. Lagi tengok die lagi rase rindu. Cepat je die besar...dah nak jadi abang dah. Baju pon kene beli size for 3-4 years old. Padahal baru je 2 years. Nak cakap die big built rase macam takdela big sangat. It's been quite a while that I haven't brought him to see his paed. I also have 1 shot of immunization not yet taken...supposed to take it mase 1 and a half years haritu but have been putting it off. Ooooppss. Should make some time to bring him nanti. Don't know of his updates...whether die cukup zat and whatnot. Dulu doc cakap muka die pucat which means die kurang iron and have been given iron supplements. Die makan nak tak nak so lame-lame simpan dalam fridge je. Me and H on the other hand perasaan that he was fair as in putih melepak...pffttt~ Kurang iron rupenye. Haha...parents perasaan. He's a bit picky when it comes to food I guess. Whenever we eat, he takes little rice/carbs but always go for the lauks instead like ayam or udang. I'm not that worried because ade protein but have to see what the doc says la. Ooohh..and he just loves mushroom which will remind me of my close friend back in uni, Fad (mushroom lover and owner of Zawara) who'll be getting married this weekend. Yeayyy! 

Anyway..here are some old photos of Aqil in my phone buat pengubat rindu (macam jauh mana je nak rindu-rinduan ni..huhu).

Penat after outing 2 orang je @OU.
Rase macam quite an achievement.....selalu ade H sekali.
Aqil penat.....Mama die lagi penat :p
(Feb 2012)

(Feb 2012)
@Ikea
He just loves them mini trolleys. Perasaan besar.

Anger Management

Anger -> Mad -> Madness -> Crayyy-zeehh!!

The meaning of Anger = The feeling one has toward something or someone that hurts, opposes, offends, or annoys; strong displeasure.

A while ago I snapped at Aqil. I was very tired, mentally and physically and Aqil was really testing me. He wanted attention I guess but I just wanted a moment to myself. Only a moment..tak sampai 1 minute. It was near his bedtime and I guess he wanted to sleep and needed my comfort. Because he was pestering me on and on and on...I quickly snapped at him. He cried and looked at me with those big innocent eyes. He kept on crying while I did my thing (I just needed a minute to finish my drink) and ignored him. I was tired..have a lot of problems on my mind and then this..oh COME ON!! 

H then came into the kitchen and consoled him but he kept on crying. H told me to put myself in his shoes. All he wanted was just my attention. Sometimes I feel like splitting myself up and cloning myself. One copy of me could tend to Aqil, another copy would cook and do the household chores, another one would be by hubby's side, one would just relax and rest and do her own thing and then have a few copies for backup. How I wish la kan. But NO..life is not like that. I felt guilty for snapping up at Aqil. I know it's not his fault. He just wanted me to put him to sleep but at that time the timing was not right. Having a child, sometimes you have to adjust your clock to your child's needs but at the same time, you want/need to tend to your own needs aswell. Even though Aqil is a big boy now, he sometimes don't know the meaning of 'sekejap'. He knows the meaning of 'sekejap' I guess because he sometimes uses it when he's doing something and wants me to wait...but I guess when he wants something, he just can't wait. I guess it's a kids thing..kot? Entahla..I dunno.

Aqil muka nakal

Anyway, back to the story..after like moments of snapping up at Aqil, I felt this huge guilt. "Apesal laa itu pon nak marah Aqil?" What kind of mom am I? Haiihh. I quickly hugged him, kissed him, consoled him and said I was sorry. I laid down next to him and teman him watch Upin and Ipin while he drank his milk. After a while he fell asleep. It's not like he's asking for much but entahla..at that time tu something just took over me and I lost it..I just snapped. Contoh that anger can lead to madness. Huhu.

I once read a link on a Facebook post on anger and Islam and it really struck a chord inside of me. Tried to recall and find it back but to no avail. Lupa dah siapa yang post. Huhu. Anyway..from what I remember..the article said, according to Islam = Anger is a destructive fire!! It is soo very true.

I tried googling about anger and Islam hoping to find the article but still tak jumpe. Anyway..here's bits and pieces from a few articles that I Mr Google managed to conjure up.

A man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "Advise me." The Prophet said, "Do not get angry." He repeated his request several times and the Prophet said again and again, "Do not get angry." - (Al-Bukhari)

Imagine that! A man came to ask the Prohet (pbuh) for some advice, and despite asking him a few times, the Prophet still sticks to one, single, solo and only advice, which was: DO NOT GET ANGRY. Haiihh. I never did know that anger is like the root of all evils. Tak tau pon anger issues ni is a serious thing in Islam. No wonder Islam asks us to be patient kan?

Sabar itu separuh daripada Iman. 

All this while I thought what it meant was that if ada orang buat kita kene bersabar and be the bigger/better person. But here, I think it means that instead of giving in to anger kite kene bersabar..because if tak bersabar something else will take us over..like the fire inside of us or something like that la. Apelaa I ni. Dah 27years baru see it in that light.

• Anger is a secret weapon of man towards evil, but sometimes it results in the destruction of many noble qualities.
• It snatches away the wisdom of man and thus he becomes a brute beast devoid of any sense.
• Anger is a temptation and deception of Syaitan.
• Anger is the root of all evils.
• Anger is a very bad condition that weakens the person's Iman.

Anger is destructive emotion, as a fire which destroys our well being, consumes our good actions, repels our friends and dear ones, frightens our children and forces the angels to report bad actions for the Heavenly Records.

Anger.

We all have them inside of us. Some more than others.

Some quick to anger and quick to cool down, while others slow to anger and slow to cool down.

Which one are you?

Sometimes I feel like I have serious anger management issues. I am quick to get angry and not that quick to cool down. Not a good combo I know. Sometimes even the tiniest of things can irk me. I really hope I can change that about myself. Only closed ones have seen that side of me. My family and dear hubby..and I guess Aqil. I can become the hulk and I am  not proud of that. Orang melayu kata panas baran. Huhu. I guess I get that from my Mom's side..keturunan Bugis...maybe?

"Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution." - (Abu Daud)

Huhu. Anger ni rupenye sifat yang datangnye dari Syaitan. Tak bagus sungguh. No wonder people say if you get angry pergi cepat-cepat ambil wudhuk. Some even say minum air dulu. Ade jugak yang cakap if tengah marah berdiri then you should sit down, if still angry then lie down.

Thomas Jefferson's suggestion is: When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry a hundred.

Haiihh. I guess istighfar also works right. And reading about breathing techniques in pregnancy, I guess that could also be applied here. Deep breaths through your nose and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Huhu. I am soo not proud for not being able to tackle this anger management thingy. What hurts the most is that when I get angry sometimes I say things that I don't mean to and then hurt the ones I love most. You cannot take back what you say and then people will remember it like forever and ever. Huhu.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws.

Mama sorry Aqil. Mama tak marah Aqil. Mama try to be cool ye. Mama sayang Aqil OK~

My heroes!! ♥

I'm sorry H. I know I hurt you a lot when I get angry. I admire your coolness and patience. Sometimes I'm afraid if I'm testing and pushing you too much. Thank you for putting up with me all these while. You make me want to be a better person. I love you.

♥  ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥

Mood: Reflecting on life and bermuhasabbah diri pagi-pagi buta ini di kala tak boleh melelapkan mata. A lengthy post but writing this as a reminder to myself to be a better person/mom/wife/daughter/sister/Muslim InshaAllah. Ameen~

36 weeks

Alhamdulillah, I'm in my 36 weeks of pregnancy now and didn't pop out too soon. Been having pains in the suprapubic area and fatigue and mild contractions since coming back from Kuching haritu. Takut sangat kena deliver early and baby preemie. Huhu. Next week inshaAllah baru fullterm. Went for a checkup with Dr Ariza in my 34th week. Doc said the baby quite big and dah engaged dah. No wonder I rase saket kat bawah and not tummy area dah. Sometimes nak jalan pon susah. No wonder people sometimes say that its like you have a bowling ball between your legs. Try walking like that. Dulu to make myself feel good..konon-konon I was sashaying not walking..ala-ala princess gitu. But now..sad to say, I'm waddling like a duck. Huhu. Doc says baby pon macam dah fullterm baby because he's 2.6kg. This Wednesday will go for my 36th week checkup. I wonder what will be new. Hope the baby isn't that big. I've been praying hard that this time I can go for normal delivery. Please make doa for me :)

It's true when people say that every pregnancy is different. Dulu mase Aqil I takdela rase macam ni. Dulu I can't even feel Aqil moving inside my tummy. This time around the baby wiggles and squiggles and kicks and nudges and jabs like there's no tomorrow. I should be grateful that its a sign that he's an active one :)

I also noticed with this pregnancy is that I have stretch marks. Huhu. Because I'm putting on weight more than I should, my skin has been expanding rapidly and I'm seeing stretchmarks on my  tummy and thighs. Not a pretty sight. Sedeynye. Dulu with Aqil I didn't get stretchmarks at all and thought apesal la yang people fuss about it sangat. NOW I know la kan. Huhu. Dulu I had a case of PUPPS (puritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy) because I was carrying a boy, the male fetal DNA acts as a skin irritant. I was referred to see a dermatologist Dr Biduwiyah, she gave me creams and piriton for the itchiness. The itchiness will only go away after I deliver..orang Melayu says its pembawaan budak. Alhamdulillah this time around I don't have the symptoms. Anyway, I got to work from home because of that so yeayy. Hehe. PUPPS will eventually disappear after delivery but stretchmarks? Aiyaa~ I have been slathering Bio Oil for some time but its still there. Kene rajin sapu lagi for a few months kot. Let see if it helps.

Bought the biggest size available. Huhu.

Another thing I noticed is that I will get tired easily. I think it's the fact that I'm humongous now. I feel like a whale or an elephant. Huhu. Nak jalan from OU old wing to new wing pon penat. Nak turun rumah going to the car pon is hassle. It's not like I'm short of breath ke ape..well sometimes if I rush and don't take my time but it's the feeling yang the baby sangat berat and macam nak jatuh you have to hold your tummy in order to support it. Kalau tak pegang perut macam baby akan terkeluar je. Huhu. Didn't experience it last time with Aqil. Maybe because after I delivered Aqil I didn't quite get back to my pre-pregnancy weight kot. Haisyhh. Nanti ni gotta work hard to cut down the kilos. The fact that I have Aqil to tend to also makes me tired easily kot. It's no easy feat tending to a 2 year old. Alhamdulillah I have hubby who helps out a lot with Aqil. He bathes Aqil, changes his diapers, sends and picks him up from nursery, plays with him at home, go to the park together and even go out for breakfast just the two of them whenever I need my rest or need to sleep in. I am so thankful but sometimes I don't think I show my appreciation enough. Being hormonal because of the pregnancy (or not) sometimes I expect more out of him. But I guess he's doing his best and has been a great help. I je yang nak lebey-lebey. Most wives macam tu ke ek? Or is it just me? Huhu. Love you H~ :)

Starting this week I've been a night owl. I can't sleep at night. I'll sleep from 11 or 12 at night and then wake up at 3 something in the morning. Golek-golek balek but still cannot sleep back. Huhu. Dahla nak find a good and comfy position nak tido tu susah. Huhu. Anyway..now it's become a routine. Whenever I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, I dah tak try dah to sleep balek. In a way, bagus la jugak I dikejutkan untuk bangun and solat apa-apa yang patut. Since I'm not working ni, after Aqil and H has gone to work baru I sambung tido balek sampaila ke tengahari. Hehe. Works well for me now...but don't know la macam mane nanti once the baby comes :p

Aqil watching his bedtime story on Youtube. Upin Ipin's Penggembala and Biri-biri. A must watch!

Upin Ipin Penggembala dan Biri-biri. Love the lyrics. Creative! Cerita The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

Baby Stuff

Since this is my second pregnancy, I didn't think that I needed much stuff for the baby. I still have loads of Aqil's stuff and since its a boy..lagila tak banyak bende nak beli. I have the essentials so only need to topup here and there like new towels, some blankets and a bit of baby clothes la kalau nak pon kan. But boy was I wrong. Bile shop for the baby, "Owh..this is too cute to ignore" (BUY) and then tengok-tengok jugak baju or stuff for Aqil. So in the end I ended up buying double the stuff and amount that I intended to buy. Yelaa..kate dah nak ade 2 anak kan. Huhu. I dari dulu sedikit susah untuk control my spending habit. Soo not good. Haiihh.

Went to Mothercare sales last weekend but was disappointed a bit. The discounts were not as anticipated. Nanti  nak kirim Angah la. Hehe. Dalam banyak-banyak material baju, I like Mothercare punye bodysuits the best. So lembut and comfortable and tahan lama. Carter's, BabyGap and PumpkinPatch to me pon cannot lawan. But the downside is Mothercare punye designs are not as pretty, just simple and banyak whites. I don't like whites sebab lama-lama can become discolored. Huhu. Bought jugak some bodysuits and soft shoes there. Got a good deal on Aden and Anais swaddle blankets. Been eyeing them for sometime. Cheapest jumpe at OneBabyWorld. But ni, dapat 40% off plus additional 10% because I bought during the VIP sales.

Bought also some stuff from Mom's Care Bargain Corner at OU last week..for Aqil and the baby. Some stuff at Isetan, Cotton On, OneBabyWorld and Fabulous Mom (I stocked up on their sleeping bra..just lovelovelove them). Even bought some raya clothes for Aqil because now cuti sekolah so the sale is on baby! Lari budget sikit because ingatkan nak shop for the baby je. Malas nak pegi banyak-banyak kedai. Itu pon beli barang last-last minute. Dulu masa first time mom dah siap beli awal-awal dah. Haha. Semangat. Ni pon kononnye tak nak beli banyak but last-last banyak jugak. I guess because I beli semua at one go kot tu yang rase banyak. Anyway, being pregnant has its perks I guess..the excuse to shop!! :p

There was a baby fair or expo also going on last weekend at PWTC. Being me, I am not too keen on going to fairs or expos. I hate the crowd plus sometimes dapat berape ringgit je off. Sometimes tu kadang-kadang teringin la jugak pegi kan because dengar orang cerita mcm best je bargain die. But then bile fikir-fikir of the crowd, queue and sometimes barang tu habes out of stock ke..jadi kurang bersemangat. Or maybe its me yang tak pandai nak find the right time to pegi kot. Kenela pegi awal, first day and know what you're aiming for right? Haiih.

Of Tanamera and Ayam Penyets

Last weekend, I went to Sunway Pyramid to buy the Tanamera Cold Compressed Virgin Coconut Oil VCO. I've been wanting to buy VCO for quite sometime now because I read that it can ease labour by applying it to the perineum area and if consumed the baby macam senang je nak keluar..like slide through je macamtu..swoosh. Haha. I didn't know what brand of VCO to buy so I asked Mr Google la. Stumbled across Tanamera's VCO and read that it has excellent reviews and is suitable for pregnancy. Bought only the Tanamera VCO at Parkson Sunway Pyramid for RM34 since they sell it retail in only a few places. 

So after I bought it konon-kononnye nak buat la perineal massage tu kan to prevent episiotomy and for smoother delivery. I've even started drinking it a teaspoon a day. But until now, I don't know if I'm doing the massage like I'm supposed to. Huhu. Harap-harap betullah. I thought macam kene sapu-sapu je but then baca macam kena masuk-masuk. Tak taula betul ke tak..hopefully it'll help. Eventhough this is my second pregnancy, the fear of going into labour is still there. Yelaa, I've never experienced it before kan. Takotlaa. Siapa yang tak takot. Huhu. Hopefully I can deliver normally..dulu kena caesar macam terkenan je nak deliver normally. But then when I'm having mild contractions and teringat rase saket contractions tu macam mane..rase best pulak caesar. Haha. Anyway, hopefully Allah ease my journey in delivering my baby. Amin~

Thought of getting the Post Natal Tanamera Set but I don't know if I will berpantang sangat. My mom and MIL are not that strict on berpantang ni so I pn takdela reti sangat nak berpantang ni. Huhu. Dulu pon pantang as in jaga makan and pakai socks je kot. Urut-urut tu adela about 3 times kot after like about 2-3 weeks after I delivered because I caesar. The berurut lady ade buatkan air kunyit campur dengan a bit of rempah ratus for me to drink but I drank like only a bit je..tak dapat pn habiskan the whole bottle. Huhu. We'll see first la..if I have a normal delivery and feel like berpantang and go the extra mile I can always get the Post Natal set online. It costs RM360 by the way and contains 11 items.

Anyway, the benefits of the Tanamera Cold Pressed Virgin Coconut Oil - VCO :

For Prenatal Use:

• To moisturise and prevent stretch marks, apply on damp skin.
• To minimise tearing and need for episiotomy, massage VCO on perineum area and consume 1 teaspoon daily, 3-4 weeks before baby's due date.

For Contraction and Labour Use:

• To minimise perineal tearing and for smoother delivery, at the onset of labour pains, consume a few teaspoons at regular intervals and apply generously at perineum area.

For Postnatal Use:

• To fade stretchmarks and moisturise breasts to soothe and prevent cracked nipples, apply on damp skin.
• To help lose excess weight, consume 2 tablespoons daily.
• As a baby massage oil.

Owh..by the way..Sunway Pyramid dah best la. It's been ages since I went there. They have soo many kiddie rides yang dekat center court tu. Aqil had a blast!! Owh..and we also tried out the Ayam Penyet Express as recommended by Dina my SIL. She claimed it the best ayam penyet around. Hubby liked it and agreed it to be the best. It was delicious but I still prefer Ayam Penyet Ajo Lali in Kota Damansara. Hehe :p

Aqil turns 2

Aqil turned 2 this month. Big boy dah anak mama. Hope he grows up to be a good Muslim, son, husband (eeeekk..baru 2 years old dah nak fikir Aqil nak kawen dah ke? Huhu. He grows up soooo fast!). 

Anyway..Happy Birthday Aqil~ :)

To a special someone who's turning TWO
Great big hugs and wishes just for you
You're the apple of my eye
Happy Birthday awesome little guy!!

Didn't get a whole birthday cake for him, but only a slice. If beli whole cake always tak habis. Anyway, Aqil loves blowing out the candles and people singing happy birthday (tak kesahla to him ke or to anyone else), but what he really loves is cutting into the cake first, either be it with a fork or just a spoon. Konon besar la tu pandai potong cake sendiri :p Anyway, he has quite a sweet tooth for cakes la..not that good. He really enjoys it when celebrating birthdays at his nursery I guess. I think thats where he gets his fondness for cakes kot. Tak pon memang every kids loves cakes? Hurmmm.

Anyway, for his birthday haritu he got a bike and a car. A Ben10 bike from TokMa and TokBa which he has yet to learn to ride on, now he can only pedal halfway..nak full circle not yet. He also got a car..a yellow Mini Cooper mind you from MakLong. He loves playing on it. Takdela pandai control sangat the car tu..die pakai tekan-tekan the remote and then the car will pusing-pusing gerak sane sini depan-belakang kiri-kanan die dah excited. Haha. I have to take a pic of him playing. So cute with his tiny hands and the tiny car, just right for his size :p

We also went for a birthday trip to Kuching. I booked the flight tickets like a year ago kot. It costs RM0.10 je. Murah kan? Overall, RM45 plus tax for 3 person for a return trip by AirAsia. Haha. Saje je nak bawak Aqil jalan2 naik plane. Naik AirAsia you can get to see the plane up close and personal. I thought he would love it and indeed he did. Mama 'belanja'ed the hotel stay sempena Aqil's and my birthday. Why Kuching? Well, hubby wanted to cukupkan his visits to all the states in Malaysia. Kuching is his last stop and complete dah all the states. I have a state left yet to visit. Kelantan. Kesian kan dah 27years tak pernah nak menjejakkan kaki kat sane? Huhu.

Me: Aqil suke naik plane??
Aqil: SUKE!! Nak lagiii~

I was in my 32weeks of pregnancy back then, at first ingat tak nak pegi because I'm too far along. The regulations allows pregnant woman to board up until 35weeks but since I haven't made any plans to celebrate Aqil's birthday at that time and die macam sangat fascinated with airplanes, I decided just to go. Alhamdulillah nothing happened while in Kuching or onboard the plane. Takut jugak if the pressure made me terberanak awal or ape. Hehe. But the week back tu I was feeling uneasy and macam tak larat nak jalan. Tula..nak sangat pegi kan. Huhu. Don't know la because of the pressure thingy ke or banyak berjalan kt Kuching tu yang buat I feel like that. Haisyhhh. Takpe..next time I know better :p

Anyway, we stayed at The Pullman Hotel Kuching. Best!! Great service..room got upgraded summore. I took the deal where you have to write a review on travelling in Malaysia and then can get complimentary breakfast and free in-room internet. Apela sangat writing a simple review for free breakfast and internet kan? Hehe. Regardless it was a business hotel, it was very child friendly. Pricewise pon okay. Definitely recommended for anyone going to Kuching. 

Pictures credited to their website. Since being a mom ni, I don't get to take pictures as much as I would love to. Brought the camera along but last-last guna camera iphone jugak. Huhu. Busy sangat tending to Aqil ke hah? Have since then let go of the camera. Haihh.

Anyways..Happy Birthday Aqil~

Mama loves you!!

XoXo

My little boy

I miss him. My little boy...my little baby. He's nearly 2 years old now. Not so little anymore. Owh..how time flies~ Rinduuuuuuu~

Aqil enjoying himself (aka...tolong "kemas") at MPH One Utama.
He's so busy..always on the move..nak amek gambar pon susah..a blur je :p

He enjoys going out. Going to parks. Going to playgrounds. Going to malls. Going to bookstores. Going to mosques (he calls it 'ajid', which is pelat for masjid :p). He likes to eat out. He likes to go on train (LRT) rides. He's fascinated with airplanes. Currently he wants to go for a ride on a bus (which I have yet to fulfill). He thinks that every lorry carries chickens because once I showed him a lorry full of chickens and thinks that lorries are for chickens. His current addiction is watching Barney - Let's go to the Zoo dvd. His favourite fruit right now are grapes. His fave food: nasi and ayam goreng drumstick and kicap. He likes playing ball..kicking the ball..throwing and catching not so much. He likes playing badminton with his short tiny racket. He loves swimming at school and at home. He loves to 'buat rumah' with his Duplo. He recognizes KLCC and always says "NAK!" whenever he sees it looming somewhere. He likes making animal noises. His favourite phrase is "Nak Mama~" :p

Sometimes he can be so adorable but at times he can be quite difficult. He's reaching the terrible two age next month. Sometimes I feel that I'm afraid of my own kid. Afraid as in I don't know exactly how to act or what to do when he acts up. Hehe. Alhamdulillah...he doesn't act up as much but sometimes when he does..it can be soo testing. All in all...I love my baby. I still see him as my baby even though he's nearly two and is to become an Abang now. Can't wait to see him as an Abang but at the same time I still want him to be my baby. Haiihhh. Anyway...the ups and downs of motherhood of being a parent...the joys...the cries...the laughter...the stress...the fatigue is all worth it when you see your child grow up..see him making you laugh..his cute little antics...PRICELESS~ :)

22 weeks

Alhamdulillah, I'm in my 22 weeks of pregnancy now. Things are going ok.

Just went for a check up this afternoon. Alhamdullillah, everything with the baby is fine. Got to know its gender. Jengjengjeng~ It looks like Aqil with have a brother which he can play ball with. Hehe. I know some people like keeping their baby's gender unknown until they deliver but it's exciting la to me to know if you're carrying a boy or a girl :) Now I can shop for cute baby boys stuff...hihi. Adah will be disappointed..shes hoping for a girl so that she can play dressup with the baby. She even looks at baby girls dresses when I bring her out shopping. Relax la Adah. InshaAllah the time will come for Aqil to have a sister :p Of course its ideal la to have a girl, but looking at the ultrasound just now..I can't help but see the similarities of the baby and Aqil. Their heads are about the same size and shape..besar and bulattt je. And from the body shape of the baby pn nampak macam same. Soo cute..Alhamdulillah~ Besides, I'll be the only girl in the house so I can manja more. Haha. Dengan baby pn nak curi attention :p Anyway, here's the ultrasound pic.

Went to try out a new clinic and doctor to find alternatives besides Ampang Puteri and since Dr Ariza's on leave for umrah. After googling, I decided to go to Klinik Pakar Wanita Medina in Taman Melati. Plus you can just walk in to see the doctor...selalunye you have to make appointment first. This clinic has great reviews but the waiting period is very long. I selalu pass by this clinic if nak pergi dinner at Rumah Thai. It's only a few doors down. Usually in the evenings I'll find that the clinic is packed. Back then I didn't know what the fuss was about. I registered at 2pm..I was the 5th person in line to see the doc. Doctor wasn't in yet so I went for lunch around there and even sempat pegi CC for an hour before going back to the clinic. Got called at around 5pm. Lame jugak for 5 person..but the nurse says the doctor jumpe patients for abt half an hour each. Agak lama la jugak. Boley balek rumah dulu :p 

Once I saw the doctor only then I knew what the fuss was about and why the long queue. The doctors name is Dr Marsita Mansor. She's very nice. Islamic (one of the key points in me finding the right doc). Has a lot of experience. She's pro breastfeeding. She does the ultrasound lama. Slalu dapat tengok baby kejap je. But with her puas dapat tgk baby lama gerak2 dalam perut. She charges RM80 though for the ultrasound, at Ampang Puteri only RM40. But mahal maybe because scan lama and because can see 3D scan sekali kot. From what I know, only certified sonographers je boley buat 3D/4D scan ni. Her consultation is also very thorough. I feel really comfortable with her. She reminds me of MokDe my aunty sket. Hehe. I went for consultation with her for about 30-40mins. Lama jugak but rase sekejap je. Normally with Dr Ariza for normal checkup tu, I'll see her for 10-15mins je. But I like both doctors nevertheless.

I still dunno yet on where as to deliver. If with Dr Marsita, she's attached with Tropicana Medical Center but the charges there mcm lebey kurang same with Prince Court je. Huhu. She pn advices against that, buat ape bayar mahal2 but doctor same je. If go for checkups with her at her clinic, when its time to deliver, she'll asks us to go to Kohilal Medical Center in Melawati. I've heard of Kohilal before but never seen it before. After googling baru tau. Macam agak sceptical because of the appearance..but never judge a book by its cover no? Ermm. There's not much info on Kohilal so susah nk buat research. Takut je if there are any complications will they be well equipped? Doc best..but tempat agak was-was. Price wise memang Kohilal ni cheaper la than Ampang Puteri, 1k plus for normal delivery and around 6k plus for c-sect. At Ampang Puteri harga bersalin dia RM2650 for the single bed normal delivery package. Back then in 2010 when I had Aqil for c-sect kene about RM8k plus (induce, emergency c-sect). Quite pricey, that's why I'm looking for alternatives. Anyway, still contemplating. Anyone else knows where to deliver? Huhu.

Nak yang mane? :p

18 weeks

Being a mom nowadays has left me feeling forgetful. Huhu. There is so much to do during the day..its seems like 24 hours is never enough. Alhamdulillah...motherhood has been a bit more manageable since Aqil is getting older. But nevertheless, given the experiences that I have gone through, now I know taking care of a baby is and SHOULD be more easier than taking care of a toddler. (It took me about 2 years to find that out..hmpph~)

I'm 18 weeks along now. This pregnancy have been a bit easier on me. Dunno la if it's because the 2nd time round or what. But Alhamdulillah I didn't throw up as much as when I had Aqil. Back then, toilet JJ AU2 was my saviour for throwing up after coming back from work. My morning sickness phase gradually went away by the 2nd trimester. Now I only throw up if I tak jaga makan or perut masuk angin.

me@18 weeks

During the 1st trimester I also felt nauseated whenever I tried to cook. So I took some time off from that for a few months. Even the mere smell of scrambled eggs was enough to turn me off. My favourite dishes was also not becoming my favourite anymore. I threw up if I eat tauhu or eggs..my always and forever staple food. Now I crave for fish. I am sooo not a fish person. But this pregnancy had cravings for fish. Ikan siakap steam masak limau. Ikan siakap tiga rasa. Ikan merah/jenahak masak kuning2 cili api ke ape entah tu..masak padang kot. Slurppsss. Alhamdulillah..now in my 2nd trimester I can cook dah. The nausea has passed.

Back then when I was pregnant with Aqil I would buy McD's choc sundae almost every nite. Yummss~ No wonder I gained a lot and never slimmed down. Haha. Now I crave for homemade mango ice blended. Slurpss. Almost everynight I would peel 1 biji mango put some ice and water and blend all together. Walla~ Freshly made mango blended. A bit healthier than a choc sundae la kan? Naseb baek tak crave choc sundae tu dah :p

back then...

now

Of Plannings

It's been a while since I haven't written here. I don't know what this blog's purpose is anymore. It's becoming a place where once in a while I vent out when my inner-writer-persona takes over. Haha. Sometimes it's just refreshing to read back the entries and know what I went through during a certain period of time. 

As for updates, Alhamdulillah, I am now pregnant with baby number 2. It wasn't an expected pregnancy as I've done the necessary precautions needed for family planning. Always a fan for big families, my ultimate plan was to have 6 children. That number came down to a 4 after I had to go for c-sect with baby number 1 (and after realizing that it is wayy HARD to raise up a child..oohh the responsibilities. And I don't mean the physical stuff..diaper changing..long nights and stuff..its the character building of a child that I'm worried about. I'm not sure that I can raise up 1 child well, let alone 6!). My plan was to start trying for baby number two after Aqil turned 2. But Allah knows best. I had mixed emotions when I took the self pregnancy test at home and it came out positive. Took it in the morning and woke up hubby instantly. He was overjoyed of course. But it took me a while to adjust to the news. I was overwhelmed. Of course I was happy. Another baby..yeayyy~ Sooo cuuteee..sooo tiny. But feelings of insecurities also passed over me. "This is not the best time to have another baby." "I am sooo not ready." "Aqil is still little..still a baby." "We are not financially ready." All of this went through my head. Of course being the worrywart and overthinker that I am, when I voiced out my thoughts to dear hubby he just shrugged it all away saying that "InshaAllah we can work through this. This is a blessing from Allah. We should embrace it." It's a bit comforting to know that you have a partner who always think  positively, but at the same time it irks me. How can he be sooo cool over this? Has he even considered all the factors and variables needed? Haiihh.

It took some time for me to adjust to it. It also took some while for me to break the news to the family. I was worried what people would say. Worry what 'lectures' I would get. But Alhamdulillah, they have been supportive all the way. But I learnt, only you yourself can change your attitude towards something. If you see it in a positive manner, then a positive outcome it may be and vice versa. If I remember anything clearly from that event, it is the fear that Allah would be disappointed that I would lament such a miraculous gift that so many people prayed endless nights for. What if He were to take it back? I would feel devastated. In an effort to change my attitude I tried to go with hubby's advice and just embrace it. Of course, as time goes by the pregnancy began to grow on me, figuratively speaking as I can see from my growing belly :p A few other things also happened along the way but is too personal for me to write down here. We can only plan but Allah is the best of planners.

Some things are beyond planning. Life doesn't always turn out as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.

You don't plan an autistic child.

You don't plan to be single forever.

You don't plan for a lump in your breast. Or a disease. Or broken bones.

You plan to be young forever. You plan to climb the corporate ladder.

You plan to be rich and powerful. You plan to be acclaimed and successful.

You plan to conquer the universe. You plan to fall in love - and be loved forever.

You don't plan to be sad. You don't plan to be shattered. You don't plan to be hurt. You don't plan to be broke.

You don;t plan to be betrayed. You don;t plan to be alone in this world.

Sometimes, if you work hard enough, you can get what you want. but MOST times, what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does Allah in the heavens. Sometimes, it is difficult to understand Allah's plans, especially when His plans are not simultaneous with ours. Often, when He sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger..in despair.  

True, we cannot choose what Allah wishes us to carry, but we can carry it with courage knowing that He will never abandon us nor send something we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, Allah breaks our spirit to save our soul.

Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.

Sometimes, He allows pain so we can be stronger.

Sometimes, Allah sends us failure so we can be humble.

Sometimes, He allows illness so we can take better care of ourselves.

And sometimes, Allah takes everything away from us so we can learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans, but understand that we live only by Allah's grace and His Rahmah (mercy)...

Breastpump Review

I've been using Medela Swing for the past year now. And so far it hasn't disappointed me one bit. So here's a little review on the breastpump's that I've used and the one that's on my wishlist in the future. Hehe :p

Medela Mini-E

This pump is okay for an electronic pump. The downside, like I've said before is the noise. It makes a terribly noisy sound..like a lawn mower. The suction is okay, the Swing's suction is better. The breastshield is quite hard..plastic. Have to provide 4 AA batteries if you're using it on the go (I usually use it in the car).

Medela Mini-E. Bought at Mom's Care, Ampang Point for RM469.

Medela Swing

Better than the Mini-E. Suction is better. Has two suction modes, stimulation phase to stimulate let-down reflex and then the expression phase where the pump moves to slower speed as the milk begin to flow. Much much quieter than the Mini-E. Has SoftFit breastshields (I swear by this...not too hard on the breasts) for massaging comfort. Uses 4 AA batteries for on the go.

Medela Swing. Bought at First Few Years, The Curve for RM669.

Pureen Manual Breastpump

I bought this because I left my pumping bag at home when I balek kampung for Hari Raya last year. Huhu. Eventhough I had Aqil with me, I still had bengkak susu because Aqil didn't drink much. Had to buy a pump jugak..didn't succeed much with expressing it by hand. 

Pureen Manual Breastpump. Bought at JJ Bandaran Melaka for about RM50.

My first time using a manual pump. I had trouble with it. Tangan jadi lenguh. Just used it twice kot. It took like 30mins to get about 3-4oz. Whereas if I use the Swing, I can get 15oz. The breastshield is plastic, keras. I thought that it would be silent, but it still makes a squishy noise when I pump. But I guess this pump will help tone your arms kot, die punye concept same macam hand exersice thingamajig macam kat bawah ni :p

 

Medela Freestyle

This one here is on my wishlist bile ada rezeki for adik Aqil nanti.

Medela Freestyle. Costs from around RM1500. There are good deals if you buy online..have to survey. In stores, the cheapest I've come across is at First Few Years, The Curve for RM1699.

It's wonderful features include:

• Daily use · double pump · electric (double pump so it will cut in half your pumping time)
• True pumping mobility with hands-free option. (I think this is one of the most convenient features in a pump..imagine, you can do a whole lot because its hands-free)
• Rechargeable battery and ultra-lightweight motor. Optional 12V vehicle lighter adapter available. (No need for AA batteries anymore, die ade rechargeable batteries mcm camera punye tu)
• Easy interaction with digital display, memory, timer and backlight.
• More milk in less time with 2-Phase Expression® technology when pumping at Maximum Comfort Vacuum™.
• Everything mom needs in a convenient bag - perfect for active moms.
• Use hands-free with most top-flap nursing bras including Medela nursing bras and camisoles.
• Double pumping kit features SoftFit™ breastshields for massaging comfort.

**drools**

Ahh..someday Inshaallah~ Hehe.

There are also many other models of breastpumps in the market, Avent, Spectra and whatnot. I haven't tried Avent's breastpump so I'm a bit biased with Medela and from what I read I think Medela is the best :p Prior to buying a breastpump I guess you should need to do some research first and see which one will suits you the most. Here are some tips on buying a breastpump:

1. Choose a breastpump that best suit your needs. If you're a stay at home mom, chances are you don't need a high-end electric pump because your baby will be with you most of the time. Instead you may want to opt for a manual pump which is cheaper in price.
2. Read up reviews and do your research on the internet on the breastpumps that are in the market and that you intend to buy. Ask around friends that has been using that particular pump that you are eying on.
3. Ask many questions about the breastpump before purchase. Get the sales assistant to show you how to operate the pump (hear for any noises..whether its loud or not :p). Ask whether the pump has a warranty or not. Sometimes, the motor can have some problems after a while and its good to know that there is a warranty handy.
4. And lastly, buy within your means and don't splurge.

Happy pumping ladies~