I cannot sleep yet again. Have been tossing and turning for a while. Finally I give up.
Sometimes, when all is dark quiet, your mind will have this clarity. Macam-macam benda nak fikir. But dah malam ni lah otak dah penat nak fikir.
Sometimes, you can't help but wonder that do other people feel the same way as you do. Going through what you're going through. I bet ada kan. Out of Earth's many population there is bound yang have the same thoughts/feelings as you. Emptiness. The feeling comes and goes. Some days can go by without you having the slightest thought of it. Other days, the thought creeps up like its your forever best friend.
A friend told me to write when I feel down. It'll help me to refocus on myself katanya. Ok..I will cuba and see how that theory goes. Dia juga suruh I make a list of all the things that I'm grateful for. I know you mean well. But everytime when I fikir of all that I am blessed with lagi I rasa depressed with myself. Like you have all those things to be thankful for yet you still feel empty inside. How can that be. Ramai lagi yang underprivileged and have harder times if compared to you. Rasa macam ungratefulnya diri ini. Huhuhu.
I don't like when this feeling datang menyinggah. Feels icky. Yucks! The first step to self healing is acknowledging that you have a problem. Ok. My friend says its signs of depression. Hurm. Ye ke? I don't think so. Second step. Denial. Lol.
Lately I don't feel like myself. Outside you portray lain but deep inside you rasa lain. I miss my old self. The one where she is focused and knows what she wants in life. Full of zest. Entah mana dia pergi. Along the way she got lost. And never managed to find her way back home. Am I having an early mid life crisis?
Life is indeed short. Rasanya ada masa ke nak melayan perasaan macam ni. Huhu. There are so many other things to do yet why do you need to focus on things so trivial. I wish it could go away. Sometimes I feel so penat. But who am I kidding, you can't just ignore it and lie to yourself. But I shall try. Oklah, enough rambling already. This post takde arah tujuan. Hope this feeling shall pass sooon~
Will try doing that grateful list juga. Mana tau it'll work wonders on my mind. The mind is indeed a wonderful thing kan, a powerful force. It can enslave you, or it can empower you. It can bring you to the depths of misery or it can take you to the height of ecstasy. Kena use the power wisely. As they say, what you think, you become. Oleh itu, marilah kita cuba fikir yang positive and baik-baik sahaja. Yeay, rasa macam dah ngantuk a bit. Till later. Toodles~
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| Happy brain. |
