Bidadari sayang.
His first term of endearment for me.
I miss you calling me that.
There were others..my favourite was "baby girl" but "bidadari sayang" has a special place in my heart because it was the first one.
Bidadari sayang.
You used to use it profoundly during our early years of marriage.
You used to use it extensively when texting...punya lah panjang nak type. Hehe.
Later in the years, not so much..but I don't mind.
That term of endearment brings an uncomfortable feeling inside me.
A part of me don't like that the term but a part of me macam terharu that you acknowledged me highly as such. Konfiusss..haha.
But now, how I wish to hear you calling me that once more.
I always felt that the term was so mushy.."jiwang".
I don't feel like a bidadari at all.
But you kept using it..so I just layankan jela.
I don't know what to call you back...so last-last entah mcm mana it got stuck to calling you "sayang". Ok. Acceptable for me.
Nak cakap/panggil "sayang" pon I rasa mushy...yela..kan konon rock chick dulu..hahah.
But i called you "Sayang" once in a while..not everytime. It got stuck until the last day I was with you. Whenever I need comfort or nak meluahkan perasaan or bermanja-manja or nak ask for something I'll call you "sayang".
But I never referred myself as "Bidadari sayang".
I tak tau kenapa. Never felt comfortable claiming that title kot.
You were indeed my "sayang".
My love.
Love you dearly Sayang.
I hope later that I can be your bidadari in jannah. InshaaAllah. If Allah wills it.
I pray everytime so that we can meet again. Aamin.
Missing you dearly sayang.
So confused of the decisions that I have to make alone right now.
I know I am not a good decision maker.
Always so fickle minded.
I always asked your opinion on any big decisions that I have to make.
I like talking things through with you so that I can make a better decision.
Thats how my thought process goes.
Sometimes I'll ask you and most of the time I'll disregard your opinion.
"Baik you tak payah tanya I kalau macam tu..you dah tau apa you nak" you always said jokingly.
Hehe. Sorry sayang. But I need reassurance from you.
You were always so grounded.
You were my rock.
If I made any bad decisions...I'll know you'll always have my back.
But I don't have my rock with me anymore :(
No one that makes me feel that way anymore.
But I always ingat kata-kata you "Always take responsibility for your actions."
You dah decide tu..so if anything happens kena own up and take responsibility.
If all doesn't work out find a way to fix it.
Huhu. I miss you.
You were ever so confident.
So sure of yourself.
Always know what you wanted.
I wish I was more like you.
Miss you sayang.
Forever and always.
Love,
Your bidadari.
Bidadari sayang.
His first term of endearment for me.
I miss you calling me that.
There were others..my favourite was "baby girl" but "bidadari sayang" has a special place in my heart because it was the first one.
Bidadari sayang.
You used to use it profoundly during our early years of marriage.
You used to use it extensively when texting...punya lah panjang nak type. Hehe.
Later in the years, not so much..but I don't mind.
That term of endearment brings an uncomfortable feeling inside me.
A part of me don't like that the term but a part of me macam terharu that you acknowledged me highly as such. Konfiusss..haha.
But now, how I wish to hear you calling me that once more.
I always felt that the term was so mushy.."jiwang".
I don't feel like a bidadari at all.
But you kept using it..so I just layankan jela.
I don't know what to call you back...so last-last entah mcm mana it got stuck to calling you "sayang". Ok. Acceptable for me.
Nak cakap/panggil "sayang" pon I rasa mushy...yela..kan konon rock chick dulu..hahah.
But i called you "Sayang" once in a while..not everytime. It got stuck until the last day I was with you. Whenever I need comfort or nak meluahkan perasaan or bermanja-manja or nak ask for something I'll call you "sayang".
But I never referred myself as "Bidadari sayang".
I tak tau kenapa. Never felt comfortable claiming that title kot.
You were indeed my "sayang".
My love.
Love you dearly Sayang.
I hope later that I can be your bidadari in jannah. InshaaAllah. If Allah wills it.
I pray everytime so that we can meet again. Aamin.
Missing you dearly sayang.
So confused of the decisions that I have to make alone right now.
I know I am not a good decision maker.
Always so fickle minded.
I always asked your opinion on any big decisions that I have to make.
I like talking things through with you so that I can make a better decision.
Thats how my thought process goes.
Sometimes I'll ask you and most of the time I'll disregard your opinion.
"Baik you tak payah tanya I kalau macam tu..you dah tau apa you nak" you always said jokingly.
Hehe. Sorry sayang. But I need reassurance from you.
You were always so grounded.
You were my rock.
If I made any bad decisions...I'll know you'll always have my back.
But I don't have my rock with me anymore :(
No one that makes me feel that way anymore.
But I always ingat kata-kata you "Always take responsibility for your actions."
You dah decide tu..so if anything happens kena own up and take responsibility.
If all doesn't work out find a way to fix it.
Huhu. I miss you.
You were ever so confident.
So sure of yourself.
Always know what you wanted.
I wish I was more like you.
Miss you sayang.
Forever and always.
Love,
Your bidadari.
Bidadari sayang.
 |
| Pic from Aug/Sept 2009. About a month being a Mr&Mrs. |
3 comments:
Salam Una, foundout about your blog thru FB td and it kept me reading more of your posts and this post made my eyes all teary :'( kak ana pn mcm una, selalu tanya husband even dah ada own decision. We just need that reassurance that the decision that we chose is correct kan, tp end up kena sound sbb actually kita dh decide pun.. :)
Semoga Allah SWT dpt memberi setinggi2 ganjaran atas kesabaran dan keredhaan Una. Amin.
Kak Ana sgt2 admire Una's strong will and I will always make doa utk kesejahteraan Una dan anak2.
And do keep writing ya.. :) kak ana akan jd follower tegar pas ni..hehe.
take care una <3
Thanks Kak Ana for dropping by and for the comforting words. It's good to know that I'm not the only one mcmtu. Hihihi. Take care too Kak Ana! :)
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