Of struggles and of family~

Its been a while. There have been the good days and then there's the bad days. InshaaAllah with His mercy He will guide me through it. I've been following or going through FB pages/instagram/tumblr of inspiring Islamic quotes daily in the hopes of finding something to sooth my pain. There are some that really touched my heart and the message really does come across. Like it was meant for me or that I can really relate to. Sometimes I share them on FB in the hopes that someone reading them will get the same affect on me. I'm not one to share things/posts on FB but once you go through something like this..you dont care..you just hope people will find solace from it and will feel better about themselves. Sharing is caring right. May we all benefit from it all.

With all that has happened..I think I am changing bit by bit. If not by a whole lot..but maybe a little bit. I try to observe more of my relationship towards Allah which wasn't as strong as I would have liked it before. People say that everything that happens is a blessing in disguise. InshaaAllah with this chapter in my life..I hope that it will bring me closer to Allah. It would have been sweeter if H was there along the way. But who am I to question His plan for I am just a teeny weeny weakling. I really hope that I am able to change for the better and that He will help me get through the bad days. Sometimes I just feel lonely but I know I shouldn't feel like that because I have my family to be thankful for, the kids and I have Him to confide into. But sometimes the heart just 'misses'.. Thank you Allah for the love that you have blessed upon us. Thank you for letting me taste the sweetness of love from Hilmi.

Being around family helps. Being around your family helps too, H. Sometimes it feels like you, Mama and Abah are just with us when we spend time or get together..just like old times. I miss that a lot. Being with them always reminded me of you and its a good thing. I like it when things/people reminded me of you :) Eventhough my eyes might tear up a bit I'm thankful to still be reminded of the memories and how people/things were connected to you.

Birthday Dalila (March 2015)

Sometimes I feel that I can get through it all but at times I'm not. Its ever changing. Penat. Emotionally tiring. Huhu. I was all positive starting this post but now my eyes are watery typing about all this. Huhu.

I just hope you are doing well over there H. I pray for your well being whenever I can. I would gladly sacrifice not having you by my side in the hopes of you getting His mercy over there. Wait for me H. InshaaAllah we will meet again. Would love to see you smile, your laughter and everything about you. Missing you dearly.

The sheikh from our recent tafseer class shared.."Believe in Him, rely on Him...tawakkal to Allah". Betul-betul kena at the right time I needed to hear it. InshaaAllah. Please make my heart steadfast...be still my heart..stay calm..do not quiver...Allah is here.