Anger Management

Anger -> Mad -> Madness -> Crayyy-zeehh!!

The meaning of Anger = The feeling one has toward something or someone that hurts, opposes, offends, or annoys; strong displeasure.

A while ago I snapped at Aqil. I was very tired, mentally and physically and Aqil was really testing me. He wanted attention I guess but I just wanted a moment to myself. Only a moment..tak sampai 1 minute. It was near his bedtime and I guess he wanted to sleep and needed my comfort. Because he was pestering me on and on and on...I quickly snapped at him. He cried and looked at me with those big innocent eyes. He kept on crying while I did my thing (I just needed a minute to finish my drink) and ignored him. I was tired..have a lot of problems on my mind and then this..oh COME ON!! 

H then came into the kitchen and consoled him but he kept on crying. H told me to put myself in his shoes. All he wanted was just my attention. Sometimes I feel like splitting myself up and cloning myself. One copy of me could tend to Aqil, another copy would cook and do the household chores, another one would be by hubby's side, one would just relax and rest and do her own thing and then have a few copies for backup. How I wish la kan. But NO..life is not like that. I felt guilty for snapping up at Aqil. I know it's not his fault. He just wanted me to put him to sleep but at that time the timing was not right. Having a child, sometimes you have to adjust your clock to your child's needs but at the same time, you want/need to tend to your own needs aswell. Even though Aqil is a big boy now, he sometimes don't know the meaning of 'sekejap'. He knows the meaning of 'sekejap' I guess because he sometimes uses it when he's doing something and wants me to wait...but I guess when he wants something, he just can't wait. I guess it's a kids thing..kot? Entahla..I dunno.

Aqil muka nakal

Anyway, back to the story..after like moments of snapping up at Aqil, I felt this huge guilt. "Apesal laa itu pon nak marah Aqil?" What kind of mom am I? Haiihh. I quickly hugged him, kissed him, consoled him and said I was sorry. I laid down next to him and teman him watch Upin and Ipin while he drank his milk. After a while he fell asleep. It's not like he's asking for much but entahla..at that time tu something just took over me and I lost it..I just snapped. Contoh that anger can lead to madness. Huhu.

I once read a link on a Facebook post on anger and Islam and it really struck a chord inside of me. Tried to recall and find it back but to no avail. Lupa dah siapa yang post. Huhu. Anyway..from what I remember..the article said, according to Islam = Anger is a destructive fire!! It is soo very true.

I tried googling about anger and Islam hoping to find the article but still tak jumpe. Anyway..here's bits and pieces from a few articles that I Mr Google managed to conjure up.

A man said to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, "Advise me." The Prophet said, "Do not get angry." He repeated his request several times and the Prophet said again and again, "Do not get angry." - (Al-Bukhari)

Imagine that! A man came to ask the Prohet (pbuh) for some advice, and despite asking him a few times, the Prophet still sticks to one, single, solo and only advice, which was: DO NOT GET ANGRY. Haiihh. I never did know that anger is like the root of all evils. Tak tau pon anger issues ni is a serious thing in Islam. No wonder Islam asks us to be patient kan?

Sabar itu separuh daripada Iman. 

All this while I thought what it meant was that if ada orang buat kita kene bersabar and be the bigger/better person. But here, I think it means that instead of giving in to anger kite kene bersabar..because if tak bersabar something else will take us over..like the fire inside of us or something like that la. Apelaa I ni. Dah 27years baru see it in that light.

• Anger is a secret weapon of man towards evil, but sometimes it results in the destruction of many noble qualities.
• It snatches away the wisdom of man and thus he becomes a brute beast devoid of any sense.
• Anger is a temptation and deception of Syaitan.
• Anger is the root of all evils.
• Anger is a very bad condition that weakens the person's Iman.

Anger is destructive emotion, as a fire which destroys our well being, consumes our good actions, repels our friends and dear ones, frightens our children and forces the angels to report bad actions for the Heavenly Records.

Anger.

We all have them inside of us. Some more than others.

Some quick to anger and quick to cool down, while others slow to anger and slow to cool down.

Which one are you?

Sometimes I feel like I have serious anger management issues. I am quick to get angry and not that quick to cool down. Not a good combo I know. Sometimes even the tiniest of things can irk me. I really hope I can change that about myself. Only closed ones have seen that side of me. My family and dear hubby..and I guess Aqil. I can become the hulk and I am  not proud of that. Orang melayu kata panas baran. Huhu. I guess I get that from my Mom's side..keturunan Bugis...maybe?

"Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution." - (Abu Daud)

Huhu. Anger ni rupenye sifat yang datangnye dari Syaitan. Tak bagus sungguh. No wonder people say if you get angry pergi cepat-cepat ambil wudhuk. Some even say minum air dulu. Ade jugak yang cakap if tengah marah berdiri then you should sit down, if still angry then lie down.

Thomas Jefferson's suggestion is: When angry, count to ten before you speak; if very angry a hundred.

Haiihh. I guess istighfar also works right. And reading about breathing techniques in pregnancy, I guess that could also be applied here. Deep breaths through your nose and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Huhu. I am soo not proud for not being able to tackle this anger management thingy. What hurts the most is that when I get angry sometimes I say things that I don't mean to and then hurt the ones I love most. You cannot take back what you say and then people will remember it like forever and ever. Huhu.

I'm sorry. I know I'm not perfect. I have so many flaws.

Mama sorry Aqil. Mama tak marah Aqil. Mama try to be cool ye. Mama sayang Aqil OK~

My heroes!! ♥

I'm sorry H. I know I hurt you a lot when I get angry. I admire your coolness and patience. Sometimes I'm afraid if I'm testing and pushing you too much. Thank you for putting up with me all these while. You make me want to be a better person. I love you.

♥  ♥   ♥   ♥  ♥

Mood: Reflecting on life and bermuhasabbah diri pagi-pagi buta ini di kala tak boleh melelapkan mata. A lengthy post but writing this as a reminder to myself to be a better person/mom/wife/daughter/sister/Muslim InshaAllah. Ameen~