Of continuing....

Today is the first day I'm back at the office after so long. After 7 weeks. Someone even thought that I had resigned. Pffttt~

It feels weird. Coming back to my normal routine. It feels normal...at the same time it doesn't.

The things that we used to do..no longer. I missed those moments.

Waking up. Getting ready. You driving us. You dropping me at work. Parking at our usual spot while I kiss and wave all my 3 boys goodbye. You continue on sending the kids off to school. I would go about my morning. At around noon I'll be texting you asking you what's for lunch. I always ask yet you always ask me back. I always get first pick. You pamper me as such. I loved that. That's why I loved having lunch with you. It was also another time for us to have our alone time..without the kids..just us two. Everyday is date day. Yeayy! Except for some days when work gets in the way. But mostly we'll have lunch together. Our time to reconnect...even for an hour. I miss those times. Just simple pleasures but it meant a lot to me. I always thank you after..for taking me out for lunch. A happy tummy and a happier me. You always know how to make me happy.

Then we would go about our afternoon at work. Later in the evening, you would pick up the kids and then pick me up. My boys will be patiently waiting for me to finish work to head home. It was a welcoming sight to get in the car with my favourite boys. Now my boys are short by one :(

After, we would decide on where to have dinner..depending on the traffic. Lately, before you left we were avid dwellers of The Curve and OU. The kids most favourite places to go. It was easy to make them happy. You pon ok je nak layan diorang. I feel a pang of nostalgia whenever I set my eyes upon our regular places. I passed by Popular today and glanced at the magazine section. You always used to be there..waiting for me. Today..it was empty. No you...with your smile..with the way you hold the magazine to read it. I miss that. I miss your face. Running my hand through your hair. Holding your hands and feeling the warmth and that it moulds so perfectly into mines. I always feel safe walking next to you. My own personal bodyguard. I miss you. Your heart...your soul. I miss all of you T_T

I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to put a brave front. People at work ask how I am. I don't have an answer but to just to tell them I'm ok..I'm doing fine. People would never know how I feel. Only He does.

I'm being emotional because its my first day back at work. The feeling that it's the same..but it's not.

I hope I'll be doing OK. I hope we'll be doing OK. My only fear is that I start to forget. I don't want to  ever forget. I want to remember all the tiny details if possible. But I am only human. I pray everyday that I would never forget. I will hold the memories that we had and cherish them for as long as I can. I love you H. I miss you so much. You were such a great husband. The greatest dad that the kids could ask for. I hope our love will stay strong till jannah. I'll keep on praying for you. I'll keep on remembering you. Love you sayang. Always have. Always will. Suamiku. Al-fatihah.

From my seat..glancing left I can see your workplace. This place...the memories :( May you rest in peace sayang.